I'm in England, so this must be English

March 24, 2013 2:23 PM

I'm in London, staying in a nice little self-catering flat. There's a sticker on the inside of the lid of the toilet that says:

"Because of various of environment will effect the tardiness down. The best tardiness down effect will after the cover board completeness open. Push the cover board to the position of self-down, and then the effect of tardiness down without voice will following."

(photo here if you doubt my accuracy)
I know it's not just some random sticker that someone put there, because there's a graphic of a toilet on it.

I assume the gist of it is either that I should put the lid down, or up, for best flushing results (I'm not sure which, and neither works very well), just because I can't think of anything else it would be. But, really, what are they trying to say?

posted by still_wears_a_hat to Writing & Language (9 answers total)

Could it be that putting the lid down will just make things quieter? That's what I'm getting from "without voice".
posted by amtho at 2:30 PM on March 24, 2013

I think the toilet seat used to have a self-closing mechanism whereby you would open/close it slightly and it would go the rest of the way. I believe it's telling you that to put the lid down you should close it partway and let go (not push), and it will go the rest of the way silently.

I also think it was probably made in China and run through bad auto-translate software.
posted by katrielalex at 2:33 PM on March 24, 2013 [9 favorites]

Best answer: My guess:

> Because of various of environment will effect the tardiness down.
Various environmental factors may affect the self-closing mechanism.

> The best tardiness down effect will after the cover board completeness open.
SelfClose-o-Matic 3000 will take effect when the seat is fully up.

> Push the cover board to the position of self-down,
Lower the seat slightly,

> and then the effect of tardiness down without voice will following.
and then the silent SelfClose-o-Matic 3000 will take over.
posted by katrielalex at 2:36 PM on March 24, 2013 [24 favorites]

Nth the Chinese-to-English autotranslate theory; "Tardiness down" most likely means 'soft close' or 'slow close' even though it sounds like a mangled command from Dr. Who or a filling you probably don't want in your comforter.

I think katrielalex nailed it.
posted by a halcyon day at 3:00 PM on March 24, 2013 [6 favorites]

If it's not an auto-close toilet lid, then the sticker came from a former tenant's travels and they thought it was funny enough to steal and place on their own toilet.

I agree with katrielalex's translation.
posted by gjc at 4:20 PM on March 24, 2013

Googling for that phrase led me to this photostream which suggests that the sticker was brought to london via india; maybe the photo will tell someone something about the toilet's properties.
posted by advil at 4:56 PM on March 24, 2013 [2 favorites]

On the lower left, the sticker says "Do not forced Cover plate down violently," and the illustration has a disembodied pair of Mickey Mouse-like hands pushing the lid down with the word "NO" and a red X. I'd say these details support katrielalex's translation.
posted by Orinda at 6:00 PM on March 24, 2013 [2 favorites]

Wow. "All your base are belong to us," much? One has to wonder why instructions are needed on how to close a toilet lid. But I guess they don't want you to slam the toilet shut, but to gently lower it and it will gently fall down. Let us know how that works out for you.
posted by AppleTurnover at 9:49 PM on March 24, 2013 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Thanks all. Yes, katrielalex got it. It's a soft close - something I'd never have thought to try, since I'm perfectly capable of closing a toilet lid without any help. But that's what it is, and that's what it does: closes softly if I lower the lid slightly. I think "cover board" is the lid, not the seat, but otherwise, exactly what katrielalex said.

And I'm pretty sure the sticker's coming home with me.
posted by still_wears_a_hat at 1:40 AM on March 25, 2013 [2 favorites]