Handling requests to work on spec for a desperate colleague

March 6, 2013 6:09 PM

I have a colleague who wants me to put in a couple of hours after work for a personal project for him. He has emailed me desperately and repeatedly several times over the past week and asks me about it every day, even though I told him I am too busy. I think he thinks I can squeeze it in to my normal working hours, but I can't. How do I get rid of this person?

I have said, "it won't be possible for at least two weeks, as I am busy." I have said, "I usually charge for this kind of service." He continues to ask and ask and ask and it is at the point that I literally just want to put in the hours and do the work for free. He is extremely cheap, and I know he will never never pay me. But he will also never stop asking.

What should I do?

1) Email his request to my boss (it is tangentially related to our work, in that it is enrichment for my colleague). I have not done this because my boss will not want me to work on this project because he needs all my time.
2) Just say no.
3) Just do the work and then say THIS IS THE LAST TIME EVER.

Difficulty level: small office, team, work together every day

posted by kettleoffish to work & money (32 answers total)

Just keep saying no. You don't have to give excuses or elaborate. You've already told him you're too busy. Stick to your story.
posted by something something at 6:11 PM on March 6 [6 favorites]

Get together with boss ahead of time to be sure you both can say honestly to your colleague that you do not have time. Then do so, and tell colleague that he's welcome to confirm with boss.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 6:15 PM on March 6 [1 favorite]

Say no, in writing (email) and point out that you have mentioned to him many times that you don't have the time and that his request for you to squeeze it in your normal working hours is entirely unprofessional. Add that any further request will result in the same response except that your response will also be cc'd to your boss.
posted by aroberge at 6:15 PM on March 6 [4 favorites]

Oh my god not 3. That just teaches him the cost to him to get you to do tasks is to nag you for a week incessantly. 2. 2 2 2. And stop prevaricating even in your no: "I usually charge" should be "I charge $X for this paid in advance." Full stop. With whatever X is being sufficient that if he actually follows through you won't feel annoyed with too small a payment.
posted by vegartanipla at 6:16 PM on March 6 [12 favorites]

Tell him: I'm sorry, this isn't possible. And repeat.
posted by mochapickle at 6:16 PM on March 6 [2 favorites]

Keep refusing. Don't imply you'll have time at any point in the future. Throw in "you need to find someone else to do this". And yeah, think about CCing the boss.
posted by ecsh at 6:19 PM on March 6 [3 favorites]

Say that it will not be possible for you to help and that he should look for help elsewhere because that is not going to change. Do not apologize, or try to soften the blow by alluding to a possibility of you helping in the future. If he asks you again, say "I am sorry that I can't help, please do not ask me again."
posted by pazazygeek at 6:20 PM on March 6 [5 favorites]

Could you stop answering his emails and then say in person, "John, I appreciate the direness of your situation but I am 100% able to help you out. Please stop asking and please stop emailing me about it. This is no longer appropriate behavior on your part."?
posted by These Birds of a Feather at 6:29 PM on March 6 [2 favorites]

At the time I first said no, I did soften it ("I probably don't have time, I'm sorry, I'll see what I can do"), and have been continuing to soften it (saying "I'm crazy busy, I'm sorry" each time). I was not sure I was allowed to say no. Technically he is my superior, not my colleague.
posted by kettleoffish at 6:30 PM on March 6

He's asking you to give him $--- (i.e., whatever your time would be worth on the open market). Even if he were to pay you, but still pressured you to do it, he'd be assuming you'd rather work than relax on your off hours.

Both asks are nuts. Part of growing up is realizing that services have to be paid for. Help your friend grow up.

JUST SAW THE ADD-ON ABOUT HIS BEING YOUR SUPERIOR. This is a bigger problem, and a serious one. Have to think a bit.
posted by LonnieK at 6:30 PM on March 6 [1 favorite]

Saying "I'm busy" doesn't deter people who want something for free because it implies that you'll do the work when you're not busy. Instead, you should offer to do the work provided he give you whatever outrageous rate you want in return. "I've thought about it and, although it's a big hassle to me, I'll do it if you agree to pay me $1,000/hour. My time away from work is very valuable to me and I won't give it up for less than that." If he comes back to ask if you'll do it for free, you just say, "I told you what this costs. I know it's a lot of money, but you're welcome to find somebody else if you don't want to pay my rate."

In general, setting extremely high rates is great for getting people to stop bugging you for help. And, if somebody does agree to pay .... holy crap you make a lot of money. It's also easier to set a price most people won't pay then give people a reason why you won't do it for free. I know somebody who charges $30,000/day for consulting work just so he never has to do any consulting work.
posted by eisenkr at 6:30 PM on March 6 [13 favorites]

You have to actually say no. So far, you've said, "maybe later," (which in his mind means, "ask again later"), and you've said, "maybe under the right conditions," (which in his mind means, "keep asking and give reasons why the conditions are right"). You need to flat out say no. And then, if he doesn't respect your no, that's when you go to your boss and report his inappropriate behavior.
posted by decathecting at 6:32 PM on March 6 [2 favorites]

And you're absolutely allowed to say no to a superior who asks you to do something that's not related to your job. If this guy came to you and said, "I really need you to pick up my dry cleaning," you wouldn't feel obligated to do that, even if he really needs those suits to wear to work, because that's not actually your job, and it would be stealing from your company to use work time to do it.
posted by decathecting at 6:34 PM on March 6 [1 favorite]

Do you mean superior as in senior to you, or superior as in you report to this person in some way? I'm also confused by your first sentence that he wants you to put in extra hours, and then the second that he thinks you can squeeze it into your normal working hours... which one is it?

Either way you can still firmly say no. I recently had to do this in a similar situation and was surprised by how easy it went once I stopped giving false hope by softening my responses. However, I don't work directly with this person and he could find someone else to assist him. Only you can decide whether it's "worth it" or not, but in general, "I'm afraid I can't help you with that; I'm very busy with __, __, ___" until they walk away usually works.

I wouldn't get my boss involved if I could avoid it.
posted by sm1tten at 6:41 PM on March 6 [1 favorite]

Yes! OK, I told him in gchat.

Is it unprofessional if I also say "no I'm sorry! I have too much work to do! Our boss is crazy busy and I'm working a ton lately." Is this normal speak for the office? I usually don't like admitting I'm busy because I think it comes off as complaining. Is it ok if it's part of saying no?

Thanks for all the answers!!!!!
posted by kettleoffish at 6:42 PM on March 6

Is it unprofessional if I also say "no I'm sorry! I have too much work to do! Our boss is crazy busy and I'm working a ton lately."

I think it is unprofessional. It's also not necessary. You don't need to justify your position on this -- in fact, blaming it on your "crazy" boss is only going to reinforce your colleague's behaviour, since you're leaving the door open for some future time when you're no longer as busy.
posted by third word on a random page at 6:44 PM on March 6 [11 favorites]

per eisenkr
Excellent answer. I'd perfect it with this: "And if he does have to consult -- $30k a day makes it a lot easier."
posted by LonnieK at 6:44 PM on March 6 [1 favorite]

Nice work. The only thing about saying you're busy is it suggests that were you not busy, well, you'd be more than happy to help him. Or as least this is what he will hear. If you just go with a flat, "No" there is nothing for him to (mis)interpret.
posted by lulu68 at 6:45 PM on March 6 [1 favorite]

Is it ok if it's part of saying no?

Stop negotiating your no or trying to soften it. You were incorrect to tell him "I probably don't have time, I'm sorry, I'll see what I can do" before, because that sounded like it was simply a matter of timing. When the answer is no, say no, and leave it at that:

Him: Can you do [whatever thing]?
You: No. Hey, I was thinking about [other work thing] and...

Then talk about other work thing. Just say no, then change the subject. There's power and respect in simply saying no, with no negotiation.
posted by mochapickle at 6:47 PM on March 6 [1 favorite]

Thanks!
A word on this... for us lower on the totem pole, it's a bit dangerous trying to mention money to colleagues. It comes off as too easy to misinterpret. It might seem like I'm trying to use my role to gain outside work, and if someone repeated it, my boss could easily think I am trying to network in some skeezy way (possibly on company time). But that's brilliant and lovely, I will store that away for later.
posted by kettleoffish at 6:48 PM on March 6

Following eisenkr and decathecting, I would write one last email that's more firm of a no.

Specifically, I would say something akin to, "John, I know we've had several conversations about the matter, but I need to repeat a final time that I cannot help you on this personal project of yours. I'm concerned that doing so during company time would violate the company ethics and my personal ethics, as a form of theft. Outside of our work hours I am already extremely busy."

Optional: "But I understand how important this is to you. If we set up payment in advance, I could work on this project for $AstronomicalAmount per hour. I estimate it'd take about xExaggeratedNumberofHours."

What this does is create a paper trail. Then, if he continues to pressure you in person or by email, you can reply with something like "John, my answer remains firm for the same reasons as below" and THAT time, cc your boss.

And NO, it is not unprofessional to say how busy you are! It is professional to know when you can volunteer for new projects, and when you need to draw the line for the sake of the commitments you already have. As for normal chat speak that involves your particular office, but it is 100% okay to say "I already have X, Y, and Z projects, plus A is due within the next 24 hours." (However, I would not comment on how busy your boss is.)

(As a small company person myself, btw, I totally understand the pressure to hem. I feel like the first email will probably throw him off but, if not, ccing Boss on the second one involves Boss less while making the entire situation clear.)
posted by blue_and_bronze at 6:51 PM on March 6 [2 favorites]

Thank you metafilter! You guys are pros.
posted by kettleoffish at 6:55 PM on March 6

And if he ever does show signs of being willing to pay, get the money up front.
posted by Bruce H. at 6:57 PM on March 6 [2 favorites]

Also, are you female? Women are conditioned to be apologetic when we don't need to be. How often do you hear men cushioning their refusals? Sometimes, sure. But nowhere near as often as women. Your time is just as valuable as a man's, so don't say 'sorry, I can't', say 'no, I can't'. :)
posted by greta simone at 7:14 PM on March 6 [9 favorites]

FYI I wouldn't exaggerate the number of hours you'd need to finish his project, just increase your hourly/daily fee. Exaggerating the hours makes you look inefficient, which he may decide carries over to your normal work.
posted by arnicae at 7:17 PM on March 6 [2 favorites]

Why not recommend someone else? "For your outside project here's some outside people who can do it"
posted by Sophont at 8:36 PM on March 6 [1 favorite]

It might seem like I'm trying to use my role to gain outside work

It doesn't sound like he's too concerned about using his role to get someone to do outside work for him.
posted by hades at 9:05 PM on March 6 [2 favorites]

Echoing above. Only do so with insane hourly rates and a written contract, as the type of cheap prick who will nag you like this will never stop asking for "just one more thing".
posted by benzenedream at 12:09 AM on March 7 [1 favorite]

"No."

With no apologies.
posted by oceanjesse at 6:34 AM on March 7 [1 favorite]

Just to provide followup on this...

After sending the email last night, when I arrived at work today, there was A PRESENT on my desk. It was a small gift bag. I opened it and inside was a commemorative plate of the Eiffel Tower from my colleague's business trip to France 2 years ago.

He walked by my desk later and said, "Just thinking of you! Sorry I pushed you. Let me know if you can still do this later! Ok, I'll check back when you have more free time."

Just an odd little follow up.
posted by kettleoffish at 2:04 PM on March 7

Wow, very odd follow up. He gave you a (crappy!) gift so you'd feel like you owe him. This is a good time for an email saying it won't be possible and he needs to find someone else for that project. And chuck the old souvenir.
posted by BigJen at 4:51 PM on March 7 [1 favorite]

What did your email say exactly? Did you soften your no?

The "present" and followup comment mean the nagging won't stop (yet). This is why you need to give/keep giving a no without any reason/exceptions or give a firm price you'd actually be willing/happy to do it for such that whenever he says, "Hey, can you do X?" you just reply, "Sure, whenever you're ready to start just pay my $Y fee in advance." Or if there's some way he's planning on framing this as your job, you need to get your boss on board with saying this isn't ever going to be in your job duties. Something permanent is what I'm saying such that you have a stock phrase back to the nagging that leaves no hope.

Also: if this ridiculously odd gift scenario ever happens again, the thing to do is say something like, "Oh, it's fine, I'm glad you understand I can't do it and there's really no need for a gift," while giving it back to him.
posted by vegartanipla at 9:25 PM on March 7