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Who asks who out after a raincheck?
March 1, 2013 5:38 PM   Subscribe

If you mutually agree to raincheck who should ask who to do something next time?

Last Tuesday i was supposed to hang out with my guy friend(he's 27 and i'm 25), but work made him stay over because they got in a huge shipment of shoes that night (833). So he got off work much later then he expected and he still wanted to hang out, but everything was already closed so we couldn't really do anything. He apologized and we mutually agreed to a raincheck.

I was told to wait and let him ask to do something again, but so far he hasn't.
Should i just ask him if he's free any next week? I don't want to be a nag.
posted by earthquakeglue to Human Relations (20 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
 
Are you interested in him romantically? Either way, I think you're overthinking this and should definitely just text and say hey, let's make up for last week.
posted by estlin at 5:42 PM on March 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


If you want to hang out with someone, ask them. Expecting someone else to take the initiative to do something you want to do is a recipe for disappointment.
posted by griphus at 5:42 PM on March 1, 2013 [7 favorites]


@estlin yes, i like him romantically.

I guess it's just where i've had old fashioned dating rules drilled into my head over the years, and i never know if i should or shouldn't wait for them to say something.
posted by earthquakeglue at 5:46 PM on March 1, 2013


I don't think there are really any rules, other than to be respectful of other people. So if you want to hang out with him, it makes sense to ask him. You can leave it open-ended so that he can pick a time when he's not working, if you want.

And, well, think about this: if asking him to hang out would really cause him to think you're "being a nag," do you even want to be hanging out with that person? Do you want to hang out with someone who's psyched to hang out with you too? Only way to see whether you are equally psyched to hang out with each other is to ask.
posted by so_gracefully at 6:04 PM on March 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


I was told to wait and let him ask to do something again, but so far he hasn't.

If he told you this, then give it another week before taking the initiative.
If some unrelated party suggested this, then take the initiative as you see fit. Asking about next week sounds ok to me.

I don't know that anyone who has offered me a "rain check" has followed up on it, it seems generally to mean "I'm turning you down in this instance, but feel free to ask again sometime".
posted by anonymisc at 6:08 PM on March 1, 2013


Just ask him out.
posted by heyjude at 6:10 PM on March 1, 2013


Just ask him out, it's only an issue if it becomes a trend.
posted by anaelith at 6:50 PM on March 1, 2013


No, i was talking about it with my mom and she said i should just wait on him to ask.

Normally i'd agree with you about the whole raincheck thing, but i was the one that kind of turned down his last offer because it was late and nothing was open.
posted by earthquakeglue at 7:00 PM on March 1, 2013


When I'm spun out on someone and still want to play it cool, I think "what would I do if he was [platonic friend with whom you generally enjoy hanging out] And then I do that. Which nearly always means I just go ahead and call and leave a breezy, casual invitation to do something low pressure. And then I don't call again unless they call me first.
posted by small_ruminant at 7:03 PM on March 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


If you turned him down last, then I would recommend following up yourself.
posted by shattersock at 7:04 PM on March 1, 2013


@so_gracefully True. I just tend to get self conscious about it and feel like i'm annoying them when i'm really not. Plus, i don't think he would've told me i could talk to him anytime if he thought i was a nag/annoying. I just have to remind myself of that sometimes i guess.
posted by earthquakeglue at 7:11 PM on March 1, 2013


You still haven't told us whether this is someone you're dating. That's very relevant. If it is, the onus is on him to contact you again. If not then it's perfectly cool for you to get in touch.
posted by timsneezed at 8:26 PM on March 1, 2013


If I'm reading this right, it sounds like he got tied up and still wanted to hang out, but you said it was too late at night and that you should postpone. In this circumstance, I think it really doesn't matter who asks who. I would give it a couple days (not because you'd "be a nag," just because you're over thinking this and I'm a firm believer in giving myself time to chill out), and then ask if he wants to take you up on that rain check and suggest a day or activity.
posted by DoubleLune at 8:46 PM on March 1, 2013


If you want to see how much initiative (and interest) he has towards you, then Yes, wait for him to ask first. This is as good an opportunity to check his initiative level.
posted by Kruger5 at 9:14 PM on March 1, 2013


Not dating, we've just been talking and hanging out the past few weeks.
posted by earthquakeglue at 9:39 PM on March 1, 2013


If you're not dating, definitely don't worry about dating rules. Friends are allowed to talk to each other without any rules or drama. If you have an idea of something fun to do, by all means invite your friend. It has been a few days; it's not like you are calling him all the time and being annoying.
posted by steinwald at 6:43 AM on March 2, 2013


I'm going to be the cynical person here and say that if you didn't set a date at the time of the rescheduling then it probably won't happen, as the rain check was probably in part a way of weaseling out of hanging out. If it happens it's a nice surprise but don't ever expect it. Goes for platonic friends too. Disagree with me all you want, but there are plenty of threads, like this one, that suggest bullshit like "oh, I'm just so busy tonight!" that leads to situations like these.
posted by dekathelon at 11:06 AM on March 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Just ask him out already. Life is too short.
posted by Justinian at 12:57 PM on March 2, 2013


I don't think it was weasling out of hanging out considering i was the one that said it was too late. I didn't offer another time because i didn't know my work schedule yet. I'll just ask him and see what he says.
posted by earthquakeglue at 1:57 PM on March 2, 2013


Just ask him out. Pretending to be his friend while playing old-fashioned "The Rules" style mind games with him is not going to work out the way you want.

There is no decent guy in the world who is going to recoil in disgust when a girl he likes asks him out. No mentally healthy dude is going to think, "Damn, I really liked her until she asked me out, but now I can never date her because she broke The Rules and is therefore a desperate whorebag!" All the justifications for waiting for him to move next are just defense mechanisms because you're afraid he doesn't actually like you that way. Life is too short for being scared of romantic rejection. Ask him out now and you'll save your own time and his.
posted by keep it under cover at 2:31 PM on March 2, 2013 [4 favorites]


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