Moving on from a relationship when you can't do No Contact
February 24, 2013 1:31 PM Subscribe
I decided to end my "relationship" with someone I saw for nine months. We both have the same hobby, and seeing him there has been stirring both negative and positive emotions. I don't want to give up the hobby. I could handle the negative emotions - because that's what you're supposed to feel - it's the positive ones that are doing me in. How can I get past them?
posted by hungry hippo to Human Relations (20 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
The relationship resulted in lots of ambivalence, and it's continuing now that I've ended it. I see him and I feel appropriate things: sadness, resentment, grief, disappointment. But there's part of me that still jumps up inside saying "yay it's X!" I've resorted to self-talk reminders that no, in fact he isn't all that she thinks he is, he isn't good for her, she needs to let it go.
This positive side has been made worse by some behavior on his part. Ex: The day after I ended it, he texted me to express concern because of some severe weather in the area. So, I asked him to not contact me outside of the hobby environment. At the hobby he has interacted like nothing changed, being playful, bringing up shared history, etc. I addressed this by asking him to give me space there and to treat me more like a boss or grandmother.
Each time I've had to ask him to back off, it reopens the wounds. I usually process emotions VERY quickly, and would normally be over this by now (considering I was more wrapped up in projections than anything real), but continuing to see him several days a week and continuing to have that underlying positive reaction has complicated things. I'll feel like I'm progressing, then run into him there, and then I'm depressed the next day. It's not working for me.
Is there anything else I can do to help me put it in perspective while I can't get full No-Contact? It's been really hard getting that emotional piece of me to listen to the adult mind that knows she did the right thing.