My husband is cheating on me. Now what?
January 11, 2013 8:13 PM Subscribe
I just found out. Should I confront him?
posted by anonymous to human relations (49 answers total) 12 users marked this as a favorite
Our relationship has been rocky for about a year now, due to mental health issues on my part. I honestly thought things were getting better -- over the last month in particular. We became more affectionate. We spent more time together. We started having sex again. He does spend a lot of time out of the house, and has picked up several new hobbies during this last year, but I've always trusted that he's going where he says he's going and that he's been faithful. However, he's been pushing for us to start couples therapy soon.
Cut to a few weeks ago, and I accidentally bump his mouse while cleaning. I continue cleaning, and then I see the remnants of a chat with a woman -- in an awfully familiar tone. It wasn't exactly romantic, but they were using pet names and cute references to events. But I didn't scroll up. I hoped it was just a friendly thing.
And now cut to last night, when once again, I bumped his mouse by accident, and saw a chat with the same woman. And for whatever reason, I decided to scroll up this time.
It's been going on for at least a month: an honest-to-god emotional affair, full of pet names and "schmootzes" and other romantic tripe. They talk about "not being able to wait" to see one another. And there's enough "I wish I was in your arms" and other shit that I figure something physical has happened. The worst part is that he even spent half of our last vacation chatting with her, "wishing I was here with you." (Along with some unkind remarks about me.) Guess that's why I spent so much time alone in the hotel room.
I have no idea what to do. I can't leave. I don't have any money and I don't have anywhere to go. I feel fat and old and stupid. What do I say to him? Do I wait until we start couples therapy? I have my own therapist, but we don't meet until next week either. I don't want to be around him. I don't want to see him, I don't want to talk to him, I don't want to sleep in his bed. I don't want him to touch me.
Additionally, we're supposed to attend a social event where she'll be in attendance. I definitely don't want to go, but it'll be very much noticed if I'm not there. And if I abstain, I'm just giving him more time with that bitch.
What should I do? I'm just numb. Ugh. Guide me.