Men's wedding band made special.. but how?

January 11, 2013 9:33 AM

How can I give my fiance a wedding band that matches what he wants (simple white gold comfort fit band) special in some way?

My fiance proposed to me with the most perfect, thoughtful, amazing engagement ring ever and I very much want to return the favour. He's getting his engagement BBQ but what I'd really like is to make his wedding band something special and meaningful for him as well. I'm finding this hard because he wants a fairly simple white gold band. No fussy details or patterns on it, just a simple classic band.

1. Engraving is the obvious choice since outwardly the band would be the simple band he wants, but it seems so... easy? It feels like a cop out. That said, I've come up with a few different ideas for that:
- getting it engraved "You have to love me!" (which is what we say when one of us does something insane or gross or bizzare. It is our way of saying that you we love each other's less than perfect parts, and that we are committed to each other forever so we'd best get used to the weird parts.)
- getting engraved with "I'm keeping you." which is something I said to him before I felt able to say "I love you.", and I still say it.
- getting it engraved with "I love you like a hurricane." since very early on in our relationship we started doing a "I love you like _________", filling in the blank with just about anything. Hurricane, ear of corn, ugly shirts, Chairman Kaga, etc. Hurricane was one the first and often repeated.

The problem is that these all seem either mega cheesy or weird. Is it possible to make engraved rings NOT super cheesy?


2. Adding a sapphire somehow would be awesome, since it is his birthstone, it is the stone of the month we're getting married, and it is the stone in my engagement ring. But having a sapphire on his band wouldn't give him the simple band he wants. Is it stupid to have a sapphire put on the inside of the band? Do people do this?


3. I've seen those rings where they have the inside of the band be the other person's fingerprints. I showed them to him waaaaaaaay back, before we were engaged, and he was pretty "Meh" over them. So that is nixed.

4. I've seen the rings where they have raised letters on the ring so when you take it off it has a word (like "love") sort of stamped on to the finger. I showed him this way back as well, and he thought it would be super uncomfortable. Again, nixed.

5. We've talked about using some other metal aside from white gold. He didn't seem too excited about that, he seemed to prefer white gold.


HELP ME! What sorts of genius ways to make the ring special and meaningful am I not thinking of?

posted by PuppetMcSockerson to Grab Bag (34 answers total)

But he wants a simple ring. Just engrave something on the inside, like your name.
posted by Neekee at 9:35 AM on January 11, 2013 [2 favorites]

Is it possible to make engraved rings NOT super cheesy?

Who cares? Literally no one will see it but him, and occasionally you. Mine and my wife's say: "I love you."/"I know." Cheesy as fuck, but it always makes me smile.

I think putting a stone inside the band is a nice idea, but get a jeweler who's done it before; I can see how it would be uncomfortable too. Or just a tiny one on the outside. If he wants it to look plain to the world, he can rotate it so that almost no one will see it.
posted by supercres at 9:38 AM on January 11, 2013 [5 favorites]

What's going to be special is that this is his wedding band. Which marks his marriage to you. The most special thing you could possibly do would be to respect his desire for a plain band. Engraving inside, yes, but hearing your partner's expressed desire and acting on it is the real special thing here. Make him happy. Give him what he wants.
posted by BlahLaLa at 9:39 AM on January 11, 2013 [3 favorites]

It's hard for me to understand how making it less like what he wants would make it more special. What will be special about it is that it is exactly what he wanted, and so he will love it. It won't be the most unique band in the world but... so what? The band he wanted with something simple engraved inside will be the special thing that he wants.

Also, my parents both have their initials and their wedding date engraved inside the band, and I can tell you that they have both found that extremely useful for remembering their anniversary over the years :).
posted by brainmouse at 9:39 AM on January 11, 2013 [2 favorites]

Response by poster: It's hard for me to understand how making it less like what he wants would make it more special.

I actually 100% agree with you, but he has mentioned a few times how he "knows [I'll] find a way to make it special" so I get the sense he is expecting SOMETHING a little extra..



That said, the "I love you."/"I know." is actually brilliant. He is a huge Star Wars fan, his grooms gift (that I already got and showed him) is some Star Wars cufflinks. Having the Han/Leia quote is actually kind of perfect...
posted by PuppetMcSockerson at 9:42 AM on January 11, 2013 [3 favorites]

I agree with the folks who say that you should respect his wishes around this. It's his finger.

In light of your earlier (and awesome) idea for the gift engagement BBQ, I also want to suggest that you may want to consider that you have some feelings of unease around getting gifts that are or seem to you asymmetrical in some way. You might want to consider what those feelings mean and whether they are keeping you from fully enjoying happy moments like your engagement and your wedding.
posted by gauche at 9:43 AM on January 11, 2013

Look at artisan crafted rings.

There are lots of variations you can do on the simple wedding band that isn't a plain white ring.
posted by empath at 9:45 AM on January 11, 2013

All of your engraving ideas are awesome and adorable, very indicative of your relationship.
posted by itesser at 9:50 AM on January 11, 2013 [6 favorites]

As a plain white gold band person I wholeheartedly recommend sticking with a simple engraving on the inside. It doesn't really matter if it is cheesy or simple as long as it is from you.
posted by edgeways at 9:52 AM on January 11, 2013 [2 favorites]

So, I've got two ideas.

Give him matching jewelry and accessories?

Earings (if he wears them), cufflinks, tie-clip, Zippo lighter, flask, knife, etc.

And then have them all engraved with matching statements (I'd go with the "I love you like a ___________." meme, and then fill in the blank with something different for each item.)

Alternatively, get him a simple wedding ring and another ring for his right hand that has all of the extra stuff. He can wear it if he wants to, or just keep it as a memento.
posted by oddman at 9:52 AM on January 11, 2013

I wear a silver band, with stamped engraving inside. It's uneven and rustic and I like it, and if you can't find "regular" engraving style that you like, stamping is very nice. (Also our wedding date is stamped inside, which ... if your husband is anything like me ... you might want him to have.)
posted by uncleozzy at 9:54 AM on January 11, 2013 [1 favorite]

I also wanted a simple and basic wedding ring, and we also chose to engrave--just the date of the wedding, nothing more. And seeing as how I am a horribly irresponsible person I can confirm that this continues to make my ring feel special, even as I lose and replace it (stainless steel, FTW) every few years. The folks above who say it will inherently be special because it's his wedding ring are quite right.
posted by Ignatius J. Reilly at 9:54 AM on January 11, 2013 [1 favorite]

(Re: "I love you." "I know."-- I would love it if you co-opted it; it's not like it was highly original for us! A clarification, in case it wasn't obvious: my wife's says "I love you." and mine says "I know.")
posted by supercres at 10:01 AM on January 11, 2013

Make sure to leave room for the ceremony date on the inside. Trust me on this. (I can remember phone numbers of kids I knew in third grade, but I have to pause a little to recall my wedding date or my wife's birthday.)
posted by notsnot at 10:04 AM on January 11, 2013

IMO, the unique quotes/inside jokes completely un-cheese the engraving inside. I don't think it's all that cheesy to start with.
posted by Fig at 10:07 AM on January 11, 2013

biscotti and I were facing similar constraints when we were replacing our meteoritic wedding rings that didn't last long -- something simple, unfussy, but unusual and nerdy.

We went with mobius rings -- these are our actual rings from the smith who made them. Ours are a palladium alloy, but ISTR that she's also willing to work in gold if you don't mind shelling out for it. OTOH, our palladium rings give us Iron Man powers, so that's fun.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:10 AM on January 11, 2013 [2 favorites]

Star Wars quote (awesome) and date of marriage. Simple, special.... Don't over think... It only has to be meaningful to you two.
posted by pearlybob at 10:16 AM on January 11, 2013 [1 favorite]

Your fiance sounds a bit like me. I went for the simplest, most comfortable and least shiny band that I could find (ended up being titanium).

If plain and simple is what he really wants, why do anything else? You're likely to get the fake happy/disappointed reaction that people have when they get a gift that they don't really like.

Out of all of these options, engraving is the only thing that might possibly be acceptable. Personally, engraving my ring would be very little for me, but your fiance might like it. Even if he doesn't like it, as others have mentioned, the engraving is usually hidden.
posted by nolnacs at 10:18 AM on January 11, 2013

Is it stupid to have a sapphire put on the inside of the band? Do people do this?

It's not stupid and people do this.

However, I would advise you of two things. One, we've been through like 5 wedding bands in 8 years in this house. Something easily replaced, like a not-crazy-expensive ring with engraving, has a serious upside. (Eternity isn't always as long as you'd expect and planning for that possibility is pretty smart.)

Two, "making it special" doesn't have to be about the actual ring. The BBQ is pretty unique and I'd be inclined to engrave the simple ring with "I love you like a hurricane" and have a metal plate added to the BBQ with the word Hurricane on it, as if that is the BBQ's name. Or something that ties it all together in a unique way. But of all the details to sweat, the actual wedding bands themselves should be what is best suited to each wearer and if your guy wants simple, I'd not mess with that.
posted by DarlingBri at 10:20 AM on January 11, 2013 [1 favorite]

I'm supercres's wife: I love our engravings! I highly recommend it anytime someone asks about this stuff, which means that everyone knows about our engravings despite not ever seeing them (except here!) I like our version (where mine says "I love you") because I always liked when they reversed it in Return of the Jedi.
posted by two lights above the sea at 10:24 AM on January 11, 2013 [1 favorite]

I love #2 - In addition to an inside engraving, put a small stone inside, recessed, so it's a secret stone.

You can confess you know he wanted a plain band, but you being you, you just had to bling it up (because he's special), but you did it on the inside so no-one else will know that you got your wicked way. :)
posted by anonymisc at 10:37 AM on January 11, 2013

Getting a stone set inside is common and shouldn't be too expensive (a sapphire that is about 3 points shouldn't be more than $20). In fact , Roberto Coin has as his signature a little ruby inside his jewelry that only the wearer knows about.
As long as you get it set flush (your jeweler will understand how to do this), it shouldn't be at all noticeable to him to wear.
Same with engraving, unnoticeable to the wearer. And I think your ideas for what to engrave are great.
posted by rmless at 11:05 AM on January 11, 2013 [3 favorites]

You can totally flush mount a stone on the inside of a ring. I've also seen rings that have part of the couple's fingerprints on the inside of them - he has hers, she has his.
posted by ersatzkat at 11:07 AM on January 11, 2013

I think you need to have a tiny BBQ engraved/stamped onto the inside of the ring. Not the initials, a little picture of a barbeque.
posted by shelleycat at 11:13 AM on January 11, 2013 [2 favorites]

We just have plain rings with names and dates, but my husband has his engraved with my handwriting! I thought it was a cute touch, even if my writing is pretty bad...
posted by sawdustbear at 11:14 AM on January 11, 2013

Not sure of your location, but in NYC, there's a studio where you can make the ring yourself for a reasonable price. You could also look into the places that reuse your old gold pieces -- that is, if you collect old white gold pieces you have (maybe add in jewelry from his mother or grandmother), then melt it and then remake it into his new wedding band.

Romantically speaking - the thing that makes it special is that you will be the one putting it on his finger.
posted by melissasaurus at 11:23 AM on January 11, 2013

If he wants it simple, keep it simple. The fact that you're putting it on his finger makes it special.

But, since you've indicated that he is sort of hinting that you should/will find a way to make it special, I'd stick to getting it engraved on the inside of the band. That way, it's the simple band he wants, but still "customized."

As for what to engrave, that's up to you. Don't worry about it being cheesy. If a cheesy line is special to you both and meaningful in your relationship, then go for it!
posted by asnider at 11:32 AM on January 11, 2013

Is there a pattern to your engagement ring? My wife's ring has a simple, repeated pattern that is rather sexless (neither feminine nor masculine), and the jeweler scaled that design up for my ring. I really like it, it's not too shiny or fancy, and we match without shouting it.

Otherwise, go with an engraving. I personally like "I love you like a hurricane," but that's just me.
posted by filthy light thief at 11:49 AM on January 11, 2013

As someone who wants a plain and simple wedding band (engraved with each other's names inside) I urge you not to do anything fancy. If I were your fiance I would probably say that I liked it so as to not hurt your feelings, but I would vastly prefer my classic wedding band.
posted by peacheater at 12:15 PM on January 11, 2013 [1 favorite]

I think a tiny sapphire with a plain flush mount on the inside along with the date would be charming, like a little secret, and probably would not be terribly expensive.
posted by The Elusive Architeuthis at 1:17 PM on January 11, 2013 [1 favorite]

The inside flush-mount sapphire is great (I was also thinking of the tiny Roberto Coin ruby). Also a fan of offbeat inside text.
posted by Sidhedevil at 2:20 PM on January 11, 2013

> The problem is that these all seem either mega cheesy or weird

Hurray! Oh, wait, do you think that's a bad thing?
posted by The corpse in the library at 2:24 PM on January 11, 2013

I would get it engraved with "I love you like a BBQ"
posted by OrangeDisk at 2:28 PM on January 11, 2013 [6 favorites]

Response by poster: Orange disk wins at life... That is so perfect. I had passed the Han/Leia thing by him and he was surprising eh about it because it would only make sense when they were together and because it seemed too easy and impersknal. The love you like a bbq though is just perfect. It goes along with my engagement bbq, it goes along with our cutesy saying... Love love love it. That may be the winner.
posted by PuppetMcSockerson at 6:53 PM on January 11, 2013 [3 favorites]