My paternal grandmother
passed away today, after a long illness, at the age of 89. Her funeral is in a Midwest state on Friday. I will be traveling by air to attend the funeral, without my husband or children.
My husband let my brother, from whom I am estranged for many reasons, most of which boil down to "he's an abusive asshole and I'm done putting up with it", know about our grandmother's death. This was at my request, because my father was worried about making sure he knew but could not deal with handling it. Please note that my brother and our father are also estranged, again mostly because my brother is a self-centered asshole who cut our father off for reasons that make no sense to anyone, ever. Our father is not perfect, but he, to my knowledge, did nothing to deserve my brother's behavior.
My brother's response to my husband was rude, abusive, and completely typical for my brother. My brother had maintained a minimal relationship with our paternal grandparents and some of our many aunts and uncles. The impression that I am receiving from multiple sources is that my brother intends to attend the funeral (3+ hours driving distance from his home).
My question: how do I make sure that 1) my brother does not add to my father's grief over the death of his beloved mother; 2) I do not completely lose my shit on my brother; and 3) I have a plan for what to do if my brother DOES, in fact, add to my father's misery or makes a difficult situation even more horrific?
(I am in therapy. I will not be able to see my therapist before I go. My brother and I are 40-ish. My dad is in his mid-60s.My husband completely supports anything I choose to do. I have the financial means to do anything reasonable.)