How do I learn to stand up for myself?
December 15, 2012 3:23 PM Subscribe
How do I become more assertive without being rude and stick up for myself?
posted by morning_television to Human Relations (13 answers total) 35 users marked this as a favorite
I honestly think I'm just too nice of a person. I consider myself a very empathetic person. I have self-esteem/confidence issues so it's hard for me to become assertive without feeling paranoid about being rude. I've been known to bottle up a lot of emotion inside of me until I explode with anger. I don't directly insult people when I do but it's clear to me that I can lose control of my feelings. I do NOT have any violent tendencies or anything so you can't dismiss that. It also doesn't help that I'm in a social rut and I've been pretty lonely the past few months.
A few recent situations have shed light on this issue for me. Just recently, I found out that two co-workers of mine tried having me demoted. I won't get into specific details but my supervisor informed me of this because he thought it was uncalled for and felt I had to know. I feel like I should have noticed or took caution from condescending remarks they would make to me. Instead of feeling like I was being treated rudely, I simply blamed myself and thought I wasn't being nice enough. Having my attention brought to this confirmed that I'm just simply too nice. It worries me that someone could easily take advantage of me.
I just don't know the proper way to act when I feel like someone is making back-handed comments. I hate it when I feel like I'm genuinely hurt by someone and my only two reactions are - overreacting and becoming very upset (yelling) or disregarding the hurt and bottling it up. I understand that there are times where you have to pick your battles, but I feel like I don't pick any at all.
TL;DR: I want to learn how to stand up for myself and let someone know what they've done was rude. Are there any books or exercises that can point me in the right direction?
I'm sorry if this question seems muddled or unclear, I'll respond with details if needed. Also, I'd like to say that I am going to pursue therapy ASAP. Thank you