How to be comfortable?
June 5, 2008 7:43 PM Subscribe
How do you learn to feel comfortable with yourself?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (18 answers total) 54 users marked this as a favorite
(Anonymous because of family on Mefi.)
I'm never really comfortable. I always feel like an outsider, or that I'm doing something wrong... I can just never relax because of all this.
I have low self-esteem, it's true. I also just tend to assume I've screwed up somehow and work from there. It drives some of my friends batty, but it kinda works. It keeps things steady.
Part of all of this not trusting myself is that I assume that I have to keep myself restrained. Can't let myself go, or I'll start acting on all my other problems--start confusing sex with love, start acting out, start doing all these things. Like if I let myself go, my little box of a life will just crumble and everyone will see how fucked up I am. This, plus my natural introversion, results in a lot of automatic repression, which means a lot of things just... bubbling over suddenly. I've gotten better at not talking about my feelings too much, though... which is probably part and parcel with the problem of not feeling comfortable, but it keeps me from causing unnecessary problems for anyone else.
Oddly enough, all of this came to a head in a club. I couldn't make myself dance. I was tipsy, even,which helps, but I felt so horrifically uncomfortable... I just couldn't relax. I physically couldn't. I couldn't make myself feel comfortable. Friends and acquaintances were trying to get me up and dancing, but that only made me feel worse, like I was screwing up their night slightly just by being there.
It's not that I was stressed about work or anything... I have all the free time in the world and still feel like this.
One restriction: I have no money to spend on the favorite AskMe answers of improv classes, or therapy, so those don't really work as solutions.
I know this is all kind of vague, but it's the best description I can offer. Thanks in advance.