How to break up with needy girlfriend?
November 26, 2012 2:40 AM Subscribe
I have been together with my girlfriend for almost 3 years.
It has probably been the loneliest three years of my life.
posted by silvershadow to Human Relations (70 answers total) 16 users marked this as a favorite
The girl I`m with is 25. She is really pretty, well liked and smart. But she`s got some issues. She is very insecure. Shes jealous all the time. On my family, on my friends (she`s got a theory that my best friend is gay and in love with me. Saying it jokingly all the time). She gets mad if I use my iphone for stuff.
I have been wanting out for 1-1,5 years. But its always some fucking drama needing to be sorted out. Crisis in her family. Her changing jobs etc. Its been exhausting. So I always end up in a fight or flight kind of mood. It`s always drama, so I end up smoothing things over today, thinking “tomorrow I will leave”.
I have tried to have the talk a couple of times. But long before I come to the “I wanna split part” she looses it completely. She cries for the dumbest thing. Usually she cries violently and locks herself in the bathroom. And I always feel like the cruelest man in the world and walk around with a racing pulse.
I wanted to make homemade salsa once. We were in the shop and I bought Cilantro. She then got really mad because she doesn`t like the taste or smell of it. (she doesn`t eat salsa either). But she meant that me buying Cilantro was a sign of me not respecting her. She cried for three hours.
I have tried being a kind and loving boyfriend. I support her. I helped her looking for jobs. I motivate her as much as I can. But its an ungrateful job. I just get yelled at all the time. Or she manipulates me into having the worst guilty conscience ever. And I am tired of never seeing my friends or family.
Most of my friends don`t understand my problem. They think she is this great girl, and that I`m the Grinch. One of my best mates bought a sailboat. And at parties she`s always telling him how much she would love to go sailing. So he invites us. And since its not with a weeks notice (she likes to plan things!), she forces me to make up a reason why we can`t go. So he believes its me who is the dull one.
I have seen her parents way more than mine the last year. And she`s mad about us not seeing my parents more, but it`s hard having her along. She`s ALWAYS by my side. I cant read a newspaper, or talk to my father without her being stuck at my side all the time.
And she`s always correcting me in front of my friends. We were out with some friends a while ago and she startet to loudly tell me how to use a knife and fork. And she`s often talking to me in a derogary tone. Telling my mom that I`m messy, or telling my friends how clumsy I am.
And she`s always checking up on me. “When are you coming home”. Or if she`s out with her friends one evening I will get 3 texts asking what I`m doing, where I am etc.
I am a great guy. I have a good job that pays good. I have som great friends. I love playing golf and skiing (two things I don`t get to do at the moment). I look good. And I`m not clumsy, messy, loud, etc. But with her I always feel like I`m not good enough. Like I`m a bad person. And that shes trying to fix me. Make me the guy she wants to be with.
So, I want out. I`ve had it with this crap life. But it`s going to be hell to break up. She`s acting like this is the best relationship in the world. Her friends are always commenting to us that they want our relationship. And she have made me completely responsible for her life and happiness.
How do I get out of this? I want to rip of the bandaid. But I feel so completely stuck. How to I break her heart without feeling like the worst human in the world? How shocked can she possibly get?