Why can't I get over my ex?
November 8, 2012 8:34 AM Subscribe
Why can't I get over my ex and why is my self esteem so low? Will him and his new gf work? How do I behave around them?
posted by artystar to human relations (26 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
Apologies for the length of this and for how many questions I have asked- just very confused. It is my first time posting here.
My ex and went out for almost 2 years he told me he truly loved when he was with me. His parents thought we were it and even he said he had not felt like it before. He suffers from depression, which came out a few months into our relationship. I tried my best to support him, but he always said I didn't do enough, I didn't show him enough love. In the end he split up with me saying I hadn't been good enough. I was always fiercely independent and liked being busy but I did everything to make him an important part of my life. He was also jealous of my past relationships and any male friends in my life. He cheated on me when we were together (with a 44 year old that I knew) and after much begging I took him back.
After he dumped me he wouldn't leave me alone, constantly telling me he missed me and loved me but we could';t be together. One night he even cut his leg (all superficial) so I would go around. I still had a strong feelings for him so tried hard to cut him out but the constant messaging pulled me back.
He eventually asked me back, dumping me two weeks later because when we had split I had got with another guy (one night) someone he distantly knew- he said this was the same as cheating. He would still txt me after this though saying he loved me.
Two months ago he wrote me a letter saying he was in a different place (has a part-time job as a bouncer alongside his full time job) and felt we could work on things. Cautiously I decided to try again (why I don't know- don't know why the feelings wont go) Two weeks later he said wants to be friends and a relationship isn't on his list of priorities at the moment. I was heartbroken again, but decided to be friends. The following week telling me he had a dream we got married! I thought this was REALLY unfair after everything. My heart has been so confused.
Two weeks later I find out he has a new gf. She is 19 (he is 27) a student and barmaid, where he is a bouncer and they have known each other for 4 weeks. A week ago he told me they were just getting to know each other now they are in a full fledged relationship. She is very very pretty and young. I am surprised, he has never moved this fast! we went through a lot before our relationship became official and I know in the past he preferred sleeping around. Her profile pic is them two together and they have a lot of activity together. It seems so intense. I guess I want to know has he found the 'one' and has she really changed him. I don't want him back, as I know he is really bad for me, but I am curious.
I am also hurt and my self esteem has been knocked. We went through so much, had such a deep connection at one point (or so I thought) it was him who brought up marriage and children- was it all just lies? Is this girl the one that's changed everything for him? I've told him I don't want to be his friend and deleted him from my life he didn't care in the slightest. Don't know why I still care.
I am such a strong person normally, lots of people have been surprised at how much I have forgiven and how hard I am finding it. What is wrong with me? I'm working hard, exercising and studying; am also trying to get a new job and move but am completely exhausted by this and cant stop thinking about him.
He is bringing her to a dinner in a few weeks, with all my friends and at one of my political gatherings- the thought of it makes me sick. Should I still go? and if I do how should I behave?