Free instructional videos on sex?

October 31, 2012 6:16 AM

Best free videos on how to have sex? (NSFW)

I'm aware of websites such as Freddy and Eddy, AllSexGuide etc. I'm looking for websites that have "curated" (if you can really do that for this sort of thing...) free videos on the internet that are good overviews of PIV sex. I'm not looking for any videos on oral sex, anal sex, toys etc, just some straightforward videos featuring heterosexual partners in the missionary position.

The audience is a 25 year old male who has never had sex before, and needs some "warming up" before engaging in sexual intercourse (and has asked for such videos). Bonus points to anyone who can help me, a 24 year old female, help him feel more comfortable or provide any other advice.

posted by anonymous to human relations (11 answers total)

It's not a video, but what about "The joy of sex" (book)?

-->actually I just googled it and there is actually a movie of it that is on youtube...

(my husband's parents' form of sex education was to leave "the joy of sex" lying around for him and his brothers to casually find and read, and he read it as a very intrigued teenager. he was grateful for it... I can vouch for its success. much better than learning from porn which is often highly unrealistic or misogynistic...)
posted by saturn~jupiter at 6:26 AM on October 31, 2012 [1 favorite]

Seconded on The Joy of Sex. Why? Because it's realistic (the bloke in it has a scruffy beard, normal clothes get crumpled and in the way, they both have pubic hair) and based around two people who have some of respect for each other. It's instructional, and also erotic because it's realistic.

And as saturn-jupiter says, porn is a pretty lousy learning tool. That'll just put the concept of sex = olympic gymnastic event in the viewers head, leading to inevitable disappointment (unless viewer, and partner of viewer, are actually olympic gymnasts).
posted by Wordshore at 6:58 AM on October 31, 2012

I'd recommend against videos on the subject. I can understand yours and his reasons (perhaps reading between the lines) but overall, the best way to become comfortable is to find the right person and take things slow.

All 'instructional' material is fictional in nature, even the ones depicting 'real' couples have multiple camera angles, probably filmed over several takes. I mean, how 'real' can any love making be when there's a film crew ready to capture each intimate moment and edit it into an accessible video for the dispossessed?

Sorry for my lack of enthusiasm on the video front. I realise he has asked for this, but I'd aim to steer him away from depictions of the act. Your being here shows you are a caring person and really want things to work out. If you are always ready and willing to talk about sex, can learn to make the first move sometimes, and respond to his first moves at other times, then things will work out for you eventually. Good luck.
posted by 0bvious at 7:20 AM on October 31, 2012 [4 favorites]

Not instructional per-se, but if you'd like to look at some not chika-bow-wow videos, you could try looking at some videos done by the 'X-Art' team. Yes these are conventionally attractive people on fancy sets, but it's not all silly porny stuff. Some are very straight forward hetero normal sex.
posted by greta simone at 8:12 AM on October 31, 2012 [1 favorite]

makelovenotporn.com makelovenotporn.tv
posted by hannahelastic at 8:14 AM on October 31, 2012 [3 favorites]

The thing is that knowing how sex between two other people looks doesn't really tell you very much about how to do it. And how it looks to an observer has so little to do - IMO - with how it actually is as an experience.

Joy of Sex is great, very down to earth and realistic. It have a really nice-sounding exercise where you just cuddle your partner and touch them all over to see what their body is like and what they enjoy.

You could also visit your local feminist sex shop (e.g., Babes in Toyland). They might be able to point you to some instructional materials.

But ... it seems better to just spend some time cuddling with each other and slowly take things forward. If he's feeling insecure it might help to talk about expectations. Ask him what he wants, honestly tell him what you want and what you can provide. He may be feeling that it's up to him to execute at a certain level on the first go. If you can let him know that this is an exploratory thing, that you don't expect Big Moments on the first try because you both need time to get used to each other, and you are ok with that and just want to explore this with him, that might help.
posted by bunderful at 8:59 AM on October 31, 2012 [2 favorites]

Prior to my first sexual encounters, I studied -- I shit you not -- Sex for Dummies. It's by Dr. Ruth!
posted by modernserf at 9:04 AM on October 31, 2012

Seconding MakeLoveNotPorn. It is not anti-porn or sex-negative as the name suggests.
posted by munchingzombie at 9:20 AM on October 31, 2012

The Lover's Guide. Free video available.... somewhere online.
posted by Enchanting Grasshopper at 9:47 AM on October 31, 2012

Check out X-art and see if it might fit the bill. It's definitely erotic porn, but it's classy, beautifully shot, gentle, vanilla porn.

It does have the unfortunate problem plaguing all sex for video that the positions are sometimes awkwardly adjusted to be better for the camera and don't always reflect how real people move their bodies during sex. You should point out this aspect of porn/sex on camera to him. It's not immediately obvious to people new to sex.
posted by amaire at 10:02 AM on October 31, 2012

I gave both my sons a copy of Getting It On when they were of age. Available at Amazon.
posted by feelinggood at 11:25 AM on November 1, 2012