I think I'm coddling my inner child.
October 29, 2012 7:06 AM Subscribe
Please recommend resources for turning off distractions, looking inside of myself and taking better care of myself. Vague flurry inside.
For the last few weeks, I've noticed (and disliked) that I'm not reaching my full potential. My routine is this: wake up late, skip breakfast and a shower, rush to work, get nothing done, eat fast food for lunch, procrastinate more work, get take out on my way home, turn on tv and a video game simultaneously and sit on the couch until 11 p.m. or later, repeat.
I bombard myself with stimulation constantly -- music, tv, video games, all going at once; cigarettes, caffeine, alcohol and food, food, food. I've had enough therapy to know I'm avoiding something, but I'd like to take the wheel myself, quiet my mind, and figure out what it is.
I'd really appreciate it if you could point me to your resources (books, websites, hobbies, practices, mind hacks) for training yourself in mindfulness, meditation or reflectiveness. Please tell me how you started where I am and cultivated habits that take care of yourself in the long-term rather than feed your immediate gratification for comfort. That's what I really want to do.
Somethings I already know I could be doing -- exercise, yoga, an earlier bed time. I understand these things conceptually but I'm my own worst enemy. But I need to go deeper and actually break through the wall -- how?
For the last few weeks, I've noticed (and disliked) that I'm not reaching my full potential. My routine is this: wake up late, skip breakfast and a shower, rush to work, get nothing done, eat fast food for lunch, procrastinate more work, get take out on my way home, turn on tv and a video game simultaneously and sit on the couch until 11 p.m. or later, repeat.
I bombard myself with stimulation constantly -- music, tv, video games, all going at once; cigarettes, caffeine, alcohol and food, food, food. I've had enough therapy to know I'm avoiding something, but I'd like to take the wheel myself, quiet my mind, and figure out what it is.
I'd really appreciate it if you could point me to your resources (books, websites, hobbies, practices, mind hacks) for training yourself in mindfulness, meditation or reflectiveness. Please tell me how you started where I am and cultivated habits that take care of yourself in the long-term rather than feed your immediate gratification for comfort. That's what I really want to do.
Somethings I already know I could be doing -- exercise, yoga, an earlier bed time. I understand these things conceptually but I'm my own worst enemy. But I need to go deeper and actually break through the wall -- how?
Here's a website that I found last year that I really like (enough that I bought a subscription), with different meditations and affirmations.
If you want to see what it's like, there should be some free downloads of the recordings available on itunes as podcasts (how I first came across it).
Not sure how to answer the question of how to get started. I usually reach a boiling point where I realize that I'm not taking care of myself the way that I should (like you describe above, perhaps) and that eventually motivates me to do something. If you can, maybe you could just take a step back and try to be kind to yourself, not beat yourself up over what you should be doing?
Also, a couple of books that I found useful last year:
1, 2
The second book is admittedly a bit simplistic and seems potentially kind of self-promotional on the part of the author, but I actually thought it had some good insights.
posted by Rinoia at 7:17 AM on October 29, 2012
If you want to see what it's like, there should be some free downloads of the recordings available on itunes as podcasts (how I first came across it).
Not sure how to answer the question of how to get started. I usually reach a boiling point where I realize that I'm not taking care of myself the way that I should (like you describe above, perhaps) and that eventually motivates me to do something. If you can, maybe you could just take a step back and try to be kind to yourself, not beat yourself up over what you should be doing?
Also, a couple of books that I found useful last year:
1, 2
The second book is admittedly a bit simplistic and seems potentially kind of self-promotional on the part of the author, but I actually thought it had some good insights.
posted by Rinoia at 7:17 AM on October 29, 2012
Do you have vacation time?
Use it. Even just a week. Sometimes it really is that simple.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:18 AM on October 29, 2012
Use it. Even just a week. Sometimes it really is that simple.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:18 AM on October 29, 2012
And I don't necessarily mean "use the vacation time to go somewhere." Try using the week off to do absolutely nothing unless you feel like doing it.
I did that this summer and it was a huge impact.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:19 AM on October 29, 2012 [1 favorite]
I did that this summer and it was a huge impact.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:19 AM on October 29, 2012 [1 favorite]
Vipassana meditation really helps me clear distractions and focus. There's a bunch of free online resources that will teach you how to do it. Mindfulness in plain English is a good one to get started with.
20 minutes in the morning is enough to clear my head for the entire day, and sometimes the next day as well.
posted by zug at 8:04 AM on October 29, 2012 [1 favorite]
20 minutes in the morning is enough to clear my head for the entire day, and sometimes the next day as well.
posted by zug at 8:04 AM on October 29, 2012 [1 favorite]
my mantra when I start to slip off my game (or when I get over exuberant, or depressed, or fixated on something I want, etc) is small fires create larger fires. It can be good or bad, depending on what I'm dealing with, but it reminds me that issues and effects are cumulative and build on each other. I can sit on my duff and eat all the things and let the dishes pile up but I still have to do those dishes and work off the excess weight (putting out small fires is way easier than larger fires). Similarly when things are ok but they could be better, the feeling of validation and excitement from each small victory keeps me aiming at my goal (fires grow with more inputs).
I've searched for the origin of the quote for years - it's something Werner Herzog said in an interview - I always remember it being from the beginning of Werner Herzog Eats His Shoe but it may be from something much more recent.
posted by par court at 8:37 AM on October 29, 2012 [11 favorites]
I've searched for the origin of the quote for years - it's something Werner Herzog said in an interview - I always remember it being from the beginning of Werner Herzog Eats His Shoe but it may be from something much more recent.
posted by par court at 8:37 AM on October 29, 2012 [11 favorites]
Write.
Keep an online or offline journal (if online, set your privacy settings as you like) and just write. It's quite startling how much you work through things via writing and how much you suddenly notice.
posted by kariebookish at 9:27 AM on October 29, 2012
Keep an online or offline journal (if online, set your privacy settings as you like) and just write. It's quite startling how much you work through things via writing and how much you suddenly notice.
posted by kariebookish at 9:27 AM on October 29, 2012
I always try to take the approach of establishing habits.
I've been looking for whatever article I read that talks about how to do successfully create new habits, and I can't find one (or a small group) that encapsulates all of this, so I must have soaked it up from numerous sources. Anyway, the rules are:
1) Only work on one new habit at a time.
2) Keep it simple. Figure out the minimum action that will get you moving in the right direction.
3) Work on that one habit for a whole month before moving on to the next habit.
4) Track your progress. (X's on a calendar work, doesn't have to be fancy.)
5) Tie your habit to an existing habit, if possible.
6) Externalize as much as possible by using alarms, reminder notes, props, etc.
7) Ritualize: have a set of actions you do the same way each time and/or chant a little mantra or slogan to yourself.
8) Realize you will not do it perfectly, and that's okay—it's not necessary to be perfect to establish the habit.
9) Troubleshoot difficulties.
If I were you, I'd work on getting sufficient sleep, because IME enough sleep is just the baseline requirement for accomplishing anything in life without abject misery. So you need to build a bedtime habit. If you can ID something that you tend to do at a certain time each night as a signal to begin bedtime, that's great. (Do you watch a certain show that gets over around 10 PM, or you have a friend who always signs of chat around that time?) In addition, set an alarm (a pleasant-sounding one, if possible!) When the alarm goes off, say, out loud, "Time to go to bed." Repeat this phrase, out loud or in your head, as you wrap up whatever you're doing. (This sounds insane, but it helps!) Go through your bedtime hygiene. (If you already have a good tooth-brushing routine, that will help, because you just go to the bathroom and go into auto-pilot.) Curl up in bed with a good book (paper or eInk reader; NO GLOWING SCREENS), and read until you feel sleepy.
Sprinkle physical reminders around. Post a note on the bathroom mirror that says, "I will go to bed at 10 PM tonight." Make the wallpaper on your computer a soothing, relaxing, sleep-invoking scene so that whenever you glance at it during the day, you'll be reminded of your habit. Ditto with the wallpaper on your phone. Post your calendar prominently, and put an X on the calendar every day that you successfully go to bed at 10 PM. In the morning, lay out your jammies next to your book and think, "I'm going to go to bed tonight at 10 PM."
Accept that you will mess up. When you do, don't beat yourself up; instead, look for ways to prevent it from happening again. If you were chatting with a friend on gchat and you didn't want to stop talking, then email this friend the next day, tell them about your new habit, and ask them to encourage you to go to bed at 10 PM. Keep your word processor up with the following typed in it: "Well, it's time for me to go to bed! It was great talking to you!" Then copy and paste it into your chat window(s) at 10. Or set up Leechblock to block mail.google.com after 10 PM. Plan ahead, and find ways to put forth the effort when you're away from the temptation, rather than having to summon the willpower in the late evening when you're feeling wiped out, and it's easy to persuade yourself to let it slide, just this once...
Some people find it helpful to publicize their habit so they feel accountable to their friends, and if that works for you, that's great.
After a month of establishing your bedtime habit, think of another habit to work on. (Maybe packing lunch? Sit in meditation for 5 minutes a day?) Then track both habits. Keep tracking bedtime. You'll need to keep working on it, but just at a maintenance level.
posted by BrashTech at 9:56 AM on October 29, 2012 [9 favorites]
I've been looking for whatever article I read that talks about how to do successfully create new habits, and I can't find one (or a small group) that encapsulates all of this, so I must have soaked it up from numerous sources. Anyway, the rules are:
1) Only work on one new habit at a time.
2) Keep it simple. Figure out the minimum action that will get you moving in the right direction.
3) Work on that one habit for a whole month before moving on to the next habit.
4) Track your progress. (X's on a calendar work, doesn't have to be fancy.)
5) Tie your habit to an existing habit, if possible.
6) Externalize as much as possible by using alarms, reminder notes, props, etc.
7) Ritualize: have a set of actions you do the same way each time and/or chant a little mantra or slogan to yourself.
8) Realize you will not do it perfectly, and that's okay—it's not necessary to be perfect to establish the habit.
9) Troubleshoot difficulties.
If I were you, I'd work on getting sufficient sleep, because IME enough sleep is just the baseline requirement for accomplishing anything in life without abject misery. So you need to build a bedtime habit. If you can ID something that you tend to do at a certain time each night as a signal to begin bedtime, that's great. (Do you watch a certain show that gets over around 10 PM, or you have a friend who always signs of chat around that time?) In addition, set an alarm (a pleasant-sounding one, if possible!) When the alarm goes off, say, out loud, "Time to go to bed." Repeat this phrase, out loud or in your head, as you wrap up whatever you're doing. (This sounds insane, but it helps!) Go through your bedtime hygiene. (If you already have a good tooth-brushing routine, that will help, because you just go to the bathroom and go into auto-pilot.) Curl up in bed with a good book (paper or eInk reader; NO GLOWING SCREENS), and read until you feel sleepy.
Sprinkle physical reminders around. Post a note on the bathroom mirror that says, "I will go to bed at 10 PM tonight." Make the wallpaper on your computer a soothing, relaxing, sleep-invoking scene so that whenever you glance at it during the day, you'll be reminded of your habit. Ditto with the wallpaper on your phone. Post your calendar prominently, and put an X on the calendar every day that you successfully go to bed at 10 PM. In the morning, lay out your jammies next to your book and think, "I'm going to go to bed tonight at 10 PM."
Accept that you will mess up. When you do, don't beat yourself up; instead, look for ways to prevent it from happening again. If you were chatting with a friend on gchat and you didn't want to stop talking, then email this friend the next day, tell them about your new habit, and ask them to encourage you to go to bed at 10 PM. Keep your word processor up with the following typed in it: "Well, it's time for me to go to bed! It was great talking to you!" Then copy and paste it into your chat window(s) at 10. Or set up Leechblock to block mail.google.com after 10 PM. Plan ahead, and find ways to put forth the effort when you're away from the temptation, rather than having to summon the willpower in the late evening when you're feeling wiped out, and it's easy to persuade yourself to let it slide, just this once...
Some people find it helpful to publicize their habit so they feel accountable to their friends, and if that works for you, that's great.
After a month of establishing your bedtime habit, think of another habit to work on. (Maybe packing lunch? Sit in meditation for 5 minutes a day?) Then track both habits. Keep tracking bedtime. You'll need to keep working on it, but just at a maintenance level.
posted by BrashTech at 9:56 AM on October 29, 2012 [9 favorites]
BrashTech - I think you're thinking of TinyHabits. I've used that approach myself to make changes in my behavior.
I also second not turning on the TV. For various reasons, I stopped watching 99% of the TV I used to watch several years ago, and that has been a huge help in terms of my mood and productivity. Also, I find it helpful to think of "I will", instead of "I won't". In other words, I find it easier to make changes when I say "I will go to bed at 10pm", instead of "I won't stay up too late". Mentally framing it as something I'm going to do, instead of something I shouldn't be doing, makes a big difference for me.
I'm also a big fan of tracking these kinds of things. As the saying goes, what gets measured gets done. Having that little piece of accountability gives me an extra focus on the behavior changes I want to make.
I've been curious about meditation, I think I'll create a reminder to start that as a habit, because I've also been finding myself more and more distracted lately. I bookmarked this from Lifehacker a while back, maybe it will be useful - If You're Too Busy to Meditate Read This. Going through my bookmarks I found this - The Science of Mindfulness. Hopefully some of that will be useful.
posted by ralan at 10:16 AM on October 29, 2012
I also second not turning on the TV. For various reasons, I stopped watching 99% of the TV I used to watch several years ago, and that has been a huge help in terms of my mood and productivity. Also, I find it helpful to think of "I will", instead of "I won't". In other words, I find it easier to make changes when I say "I will go to bed at 10pm", instead of "I won't stay up too late". Mentally framing it as something I'm going to do, instead of something I shouldn't be doing, makes a big difference for me.
I'm also a big fan of tracking these kinds of things. As the saying goes, what gets measured gets done. Having that little piece of accountability gives me an extra focus on the behavior changes I want to make.
I've been curious about meditation, I think I'll create a reminder to start that as a habit, because I've also been finding myself more and more distracted lately. I bookmarked this from Lifehacker a while back, maybe it will be useful - If You're Too Busy to Meditate Read This. Going through my bookmarks I found this - The Science of Mindfulness. Hopefully some of that will be useful.
posted by ralan at 10:16 AM on October 29, 2012
You've not indicated anything you're interested in or anything you'd like to do in place of eating fast food in front of the telly and rushing to work the morning after. You'd like to reach your full potential to do… what?
posted by Gentlemanhog at 11:43 AM on October 29, 2012
posted by Gentlemanhog at 11:43 AM on October 29, 2012
ralan: I don't recognize TinyHabits, but it looks like an interesting resource!
posted by BrashTech at 8:40 AM on October 30, 2012
posted by BrashTech at 8:40 AM on October 30, 2012
Response by poster: Thanks for all the feed back. The kinds of things I'm looking to do, Gentlemanhog, are basic things: a full day's work with my mind on the job, housework, lose some weight, maybe read a book.
Looking through some of these links has been very helpful and I'm definitely going to dig through them more deeply.
posted by mibo at 6:32 AM on October 31, 2012
Looking through some of these links has been very helpful and I'm definitely going to dig through them more deeply.
posted by mibo at 6:32 AM on October 31, 2012
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by jillithd at 7:16 AM on October 29, 2012