October 1, 2012 1:25 PM Subscribe
(Does-he-like-me filter) : How do I proceed with this shy, younger guy?
posted by anonymous to human relations (10 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
I am a woman with a friend who is male. He is early 20s, me early 30s. He is from an Asian country and me, a Western one. We have known each other through work over a year, and currently do not work together but spend time one-on-one pretty often, maybe once a week.
We meet one-on-one to: study and chat and go to the movies, sometimes. We usually meet in the evening for several hours, at least 2. Often I initiate the meetings but sometimes he does too. When we meet together, we have lots to talk about, and he usually sits right next to me, as opposed to across the table or something. Sometimes I catch him seeming to "check me out", but not that often.
He is very introverted and very smart. Sometimes he looks quite embarrassed to see me, especially if I pass him on campus when we weren't planning to meet. He is not that responsive on IM in terms of chatting, so i don't IM him much.
In the past, he has bought me two books as gifts. He is always willing to help me with things, and I help him too. When we get together and talk, I feel like we are really connecting, but he has to have a specific purpose to meet up again or be prompted by me. He often phrases things like, "if you want, we can do xyz" or he waits for me to suggest things but agrees right away.
I am also an introvert, so this is moving slow (if it's moving?). Sometimes, in his culture, spending lots of time one-on-one can be an indicator of dating. I am starting to like him...
I now people here will tell me to "just ask him". There are two problems I see with that:
1.) I am afraid of rejection (I know it's lame but it's there, and
2.) I am afraid if I tell him I kinda like him he will interpret that as I want a relationship, when I am not sure if I am ready for that.
3.) age and culture gap
Is it best to wait until my feelings are so strong that I *have* to do or say something? I haven't really reached that point yet and am afraid of sticking my neck out.
Also, I know people are fond of the whole "ask him on a DATE"' but I don't think he will explicitly understand that word's significance as English is not his first language.