Sometimes living alone and sometimes not.
September 30, 2012 11:35 AM Subscribe
Advice for living sometimes alone and sometimes with someone I don’t particularly get on with.
My mother and I bought a house together a few years ago. Before that I’d been living on my own. I’m in my thirties now. Since we’ve been living together we don’t see a huge amount of each other as she’s more social than I am so is out a lot, but we eat together two or three times a week and share chores.
About a year ago she met a man (my parents were divorced years ago) and recently they've started living together, sort of. I’m going to call him Rodney. He lives a long way away so they have started an arrangement where they’re both either at his place or here. The idea was that they spent a week there then a week here, but so far it’s been skewed for various reasons so it’s been more like a fortnight there then a week here. It may settle down to being more equal in the future.
I find both periods difficult: the times when they are both here and the times when I’m living alone. I’m looking for advice to help me manage both times.
When living alone, I find it difficult to have routines or to motivate myself to do chores. I feel lonely. I have anxiety and depression and am in therapy and discussing these issues there, but haven’t found solutions so far.
When my mother and Rodney are here, I feel intruded on and displaced. I’m introverted and often tired and don’t want to have to talk to people I don’t know well when I get in from work. Rodney is an extrovert and we don’t have much in common. He has the television on all the time even if he’s not watching it, and I don’t like this so take myself off to my room. He also buys new stuff for the house which makes me feel it’s not my place any more. I don’t dislike him and if my mother’s happy with him that’s fine, but I don’t want to have to interact with him much. Mealtimes are particularly hard so I’ve been avoiding these. I also miss the opportunity to catch up with my mother sometimes on her own. She's worried about leaving him alone so doesn't find it easy to prioritise spending time with other people.
How do I find ways of managing in these two different situations, and of switching between the two?