Decade-long dry streak.
September 24, 2012 1:30 PM Subscribe
This is a very difficult and embarrassing question to write. So please be kind. But essentially, I have been (involuntarily) celibate for many many years and it’s driving me CRAZY. How can I stop this decade-long dry streak? And if I can’t, how can I learn to make peace with it?
I am a straight woman. I have been living like a nun for about ten years. I am 30 this month and all my feelings about being alone are sort of coming to a head at the moment with the result that sex is basically all I think about. I have been happy enough all this time but lately all I can think about is how lonely I am and how much I would like to be touched. I do touch myself - like it’s my job - but lately that too has lost its savour. I feel empty and pissed-off before, during and after.
I used to think I was holding out for a relationship, the perfect husband and 2.4 children, but lately my desires have grown humbler and humbler and basically right now all I would really like is some good sex with a person I like. I just don’t really know anyone like that - not that I don’t like anyone but everyone is either in a relationship or not attractive to me. And I just don’t even know what I would do if I met someone I was interested in, I have no game at all. I can only be myself with everyone, and while I am popular and have many friends of both sexes, I am obviously really bad at selling myself in a romantic or sexual way because I never, never get any offers.
I have some major hang-ups re: online dating - basically, I don’t even know what I would do if someone I knew found out I was on OKCupid or whatever. I would DIE of embarrassment.
With my friends, many of them are in the same position as me really so I can’t really ask them to set me up with people - and again, I find this entire thing so mortifying I am not comfortable with trying to be ‘set up’ at all.
I am reasonably attractive, am overweight but carry it well, dress well, am confident, cheerful, and very independent. I’m not super, super attractive but I’m not repellant either. I am a good person. I think what annoys me most about this situation is that I really feel like I deserve to be happy, and I am not.
I guess my question is twofold:
(1) I don’t want to be doomed to be celibate forever, it sucks. How can I make sure I’m sending out the right signals (without feeling like an idiot)? Is online dating really my only option?
(2) How can I be happier with being celibate forever? If that really is my future, how can I cope without my biology literally going haywire through lack of what it needs?
This is the first time I'm putting these feelings into words so apologies if this question is a bit all over the place.