Wedding Filter: How do you seat divorced parents at a wedding?

September 10, 2012 10:24 AM

Wedding Filter: How do you seat divorced parents at a wedding?

Hi, MeFites:
I'm currently in the midst of planning my upcoming wedding and looking forward to be married to my best friend and really awesome guy who is my fiance. But, as we all know, the wedding planning process is never as easy as it seems. I'm currently facing a dilemma that I don't quite know what to do with and could appreciate some inputs from the Hive.

Background: My parents divorced a couple of years ago. It was not an amicable divorce. Lots of drama that affected not just my parents and me, but also my extended family on both sides. I currently live in the US and that's where the wedding will take place. Dad currently lives outside of the US with his new wife and baby. Mom lives in the US.

My dad has agreed to attend the wedding. I'm pretty sure he'll show up bar any extraordinary circumstances and mom will attend the wedding as well. I don't think dad will show up with wife and new baby due to travel costs, but there's a 15% chance that they may show up as well. Mom is still feeling very bitter about the divorce and holds a grudge against dad. Even now, she likes to talk about how awful he was, complain about their relationship while they were together and talk trash about his new wife. She's also prone to random emotional outbursts and is emotionally unstable. But she can also act socially agreeable when she meets and interacts with strangers/acquaintances in social settings when she's not having a random emotional outburst.

I only have 3 cousins and 1 uncle here in the US. My uncle will probably come to the wedding, my cousins may or may not. But all of them are from my dad's side of the family. My mom has no family members here in the US and no friends. Her side of the family will not attend the wedding. Moreover, my mom speaks little English and will not be able to interact much with the other guests. If my cousins and uncle show up, they will be the only people besides my dad and me who can talk to my mom in her native language. But my mom tried to minimize contact with my US cousins and uncle after the divorce, saying they are not "her family", but my dad's family and she has complained about my uncle on multiple occasions in the past as well.

The wedding will be 70 people max and the reception venue have those round tables that sit 7-8 per table.

I'd like to seat my parents in a way that will minimize their contact to minimize the chance of family drama, but also adhere to social etiquette so other guests don't think it's weird or have my seating arrangement called into question.

Please help a distressed bride-to-be out!

posted by wcmf to human relations (31 answers total)

Ask your mom if she'd rather sit with people she doesn't like so that she can talk to in her native language, or people she can't talk to as well, but won't have any drama with.

Just sitting at different tables won't prevent drama altogether, of course. I would address your expectations directly with your mother before the wedding since she's the one having outbursts. Be very clear on what you will not tolerate (e.g. yelling).
posted by desjardins at 10:29 AM on September 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

does your mom have a close family friend you could invite?
posted by changeling at 10:31 AM on September 10, 2012 [4 favorites]

I was just at a wedding where this was an issue. The father (who had divorced many years ago and was pretty much out of his kid's lives) was seated as a regular guest, and not among the family on the bride's side. The mom walked her daughter down the aisle, gave her away and sat where a parent of the bride should sit.

In your case, because of the language barrier, is there someone who is not family, who speaks your Mother's native language, who can sort of squire your Mom around?
posted by LN at 10:31 AM on September 10, 2012

Put your Dad at a table with his family and a few other folks who may find them interesting.

Normally, I'd say put your Mom at a table with her family, or with her friends. Are none of her friends to be invited? Would you consider inviting them? That way she can hang with her homies, have folks to talk to and be distracted from your Dad in the other corner.

If not, perhaps you can find room for her at your table. You might want to discuss it with your Dad first, just so he knows that it's to keep the peace and so that she doesn't feel isolated at the wedding. I sure hope he can understand that, as it seems perfectly reasonable to me.

Another option would be to put your Mom at a table with your in-laws. You're still putting her in the family section, albeit one where she may not have anyone to talk to.

Have you asked your Mom what she wants?

Also, don't worry too much about what people think. Everyone has family issues and no one will bat an eye about your arrangments.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 10:32 AM on September 10, 2012

It seems obvious that your parents should not be seated near each other. Your dad should be with anyone who is "his" family. The question is really how to make your mom at ease and not feel isolated through the wedding. You either invite someone else just to accompany her or you ask for a favor from an understanding friend. No one will question the seating arrangement. If parents are seated apart it is quite normal to assume that they are separated.
posted by bread-eater at 10:32 AM on September 10, 2012

You can put people any old place you want. Especially when the round tables are all alike, nobody will bat an eye if they're separate. At my first wedding, we even had a tiny cafe table for just us (bride and groom), so nobody had that "do I rate high enough to sit at the head table?" thing.

Another suggestion, especially since your mom is kind of wacky (whose isn't?): give her a "buddy," like her closest sister or a trusted cousin or friend, and have them keep tabs on her the whole time. Tell that person beforehand to please steer the conversation in happy directions and generally keep your mom on an even keel.

Also on that topic: give your mom, and any other potential "problem" people (whatever that might entail -- politics, alcohol, complaining, whatever) some specific jobs. If she knows she has to hand out programs and/or monitor the dessert table and deal with the caterers, she won't have time to obsess over other things.

Side note: today is my first wedding anniversary, and it is only by the grace of AskMe that I am not locked up in a quiet room somewhere. After the whole wedding stink, things have been great. I hope the same goes for you.
posted by Madamina at 10:33 AM on September 10, 2012 [2 favorites]

My sister in law had this. The divorce was not amicable, due to her father leaving her mother for a close friend. The father walked his daughter down the aisle.

Her mother did a really smart, brave and mature thing: she arranged to meet up with him before the wedding. At the wedding itself everyone sat in their allotted places. On the top table, while they didn't sit next to one another they were close by.

If you can do it, it might be worth brokering a meeting beforehand and explaining that you love them both, that you want them both there and that for one day you would like an armistice. I would then give them two options:

1) They each get their own table, which will not be your table.

2) They, and only they, get to come onto the top table with your and your fiancé and your other guests.
posted by MuffinMan at 10:34 AM on September 10, 2012

I would totally encourage your mother to bring a friend of any gender just for moral support.

Agree that the only possible options are "parents don't sit at the head table" and "parents only, without subsequent partners, sit at the head table" in this situation. I think the first option is probably better.
posted by Sidhedevil at 10:37 AM on September 10, 2012

Nthing that nobody will question the seating arrangements if you seat them apart and that mom should have a friend and/or friend of yours to help squire her around. When I married my ex more than 20 years ago, we had a similar situation and a lot of awkwardness (the wedding festivities were where his mom met his dad's new wife) and while I've forgotten how we finally ended up seating them, it did work out.

Question: where is your groom's family in all this? Does he have family that can take on your mom and help keep her company? Not so much the parents (they'll socialize anyhow, at least a little) but his aunts/uncles, siblings, etc.? These folks can also be drafted to help smooth things over, which was the tactic I found worked best when I was in your position.
posted by immlass at 10:38 AM on September 10, 2012

I just attended a wedding where the bride and groom each had divorced parents attending. The mother of the bride was escorted to her seat by her new husband. The father of the bride escorted his new wife to her seat. The same system was used for the now-remarried parents of the groom. These four couples filled the first rows of the gathering, the bride's parents and stepparents on one side of the aisle, the groom's on the other. There was some tension during the weekend's events, but everybody held it together. At the dinner after the wedding, each of the four parents was seated, along with their new spouse, at a separate table with some congenial friends among the invitees. USE PLACECARDS. The bride's father made a toast. The bride's mother made a toast. And so on. PLAN THE EVENTS OF THE DINNER/RECEPTION.

If you strive for equal recognition of all parents and include new spouses if they come, you should be fine. The same goes for wedding picture groups--give the photographer and the parents a list of groupings and give everybody equal attention.

If people feel appropriately recognized and not slighted or replaced by new spouses, they behave better. You may even want to write a special letter to your mom in appreciation of all she has done for you. You could compliment her on her dignity and good behavior regarding your dad--it would be a little bit of harmless diplomacy that might make her remember that she is dignified and that you depend on her to behave well.

Good luck!
posted by Jenna Brown at 10:39 AM on September 10, 2012

Ah, I missed that your mum has no friends. Do you have any friends who speak her language? If so, sit that friend next to her. Even if this friend is someone you might not have invited to your wedding otherwise, go out on a limb a bit just to give your mum someone besides you and her ex-in laws to talk with.

It is not at all weird not to have parents sitting at the wedding couple's table. If your dad is at a table with his relatives, your spouse's parents are at a table with their relatives, and your mum is at another table, and you and your spouse at yet a fourth table, it's not going to seem odd to attendees; that's one of the ways people do it.
posted by Sidhedevil at 10:40 AM on September 10, 2012

If my mom is communicative and understanding, this wouldn't be a problem and I wouldn't have to resort posting on MeFi. My mom has no friends or family in the US. So I don't have a trusted family friend/cousin/her side of the family to chaperon her around. I can't invite her side of the family due to budgetary and visa concerns.

My mom is also secretive about her social life. She's currently doing online dating, but the couple of guys that she had my fiance and I met are all kinda sketchy. My fiance and I question her judgment of character and we are genuinely worried that she will bring a date to the wedding just to spite my dad, as her way of saying, "look, I can find a man even if you left me." and not tell us about this plan beforehand or having us meet with the guy before the wedding. Knowing my mom and what kind of person she is, it wouldn't surprise me if she shows up on the day of the wedding with a surprise "extra" guest. I'm worried not just about her behavior, but also about her "potential" guest's behavior, if she brings any, especially after we met several of the guys she went on dates with.

My mom is also stubborn and not a rational person. Regardless of what I have told her, she'll blatantly ignore my requests if she doesn't want to listen. Or she'll say yes and then do things her way anyway. This is why I'm so worried about the whole thing and it's stressing me out.
posted by wcmf at 10:51 AM on September 10, 2012

I would also seriously think about pitching in financially and/or logistically to help someone from your mother's side of the family come to the US for the wedding if it's at all possible. Maybe you have a cousin who's always wanted to visit the US and who would be delighted to hang out with your mum?

If your mum has a miserable time at the wedding, even if it's all on her, it's going to cast a shadow over the party. In my opinion, that is. Obviously you have to prioritize what works for you, but something to think about.
posted by Sidhedevil at 10:52 AM on September 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

What we we did was sit with our wedding party and their dates, and seat parents each at their own table with a) their friends and close relatives (cousins, uncles, etc), filling in with b) reliable sympathetic friends assigned to entertaining parents as their wedding gift to us.

It worked really, really well.
posted by DarlingBri at 10:52 AM on September 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

Ah, my last post was before your update.

Okay, then. Plan for the worst case scenario. Plan for another dinner and seat for your mum's surprise date. Seat a trusted, diplomatic friend or two at that table and ask them to be on the lookout for inappropriate behavior from date and to take steps to cut it short. I have been on "bad behavior watch" at several weddings and my guess is that you have friends who know how to manage it probably better than I.

If you're ready for emergencies, you won't stress as much in advance. MeMail me for specifics if you like; I have some tips from my event-planner days that generally work.
posted by Sidhedevil at 10:55 AM on September 10, 2012 [2 favorites]

Caterers, by the way, are completely familiar with "My mother may or may not be bringing a date, so there will be either 8 or 9 place settings at Table 3."
posted by Sidhedevil at 10:56 AM on September 10, 2012

I don't have any particular social navigation tips beyond what has been discussed. But I wanted to offer a word about your own approach to the whole situation. Specifically, while you should certainly try to manage the situation as you are, I'd also encourage you to accept the limitations of what you can do about the situation and decide to enjoy the day, and not let your mother's actions stress you out too much. Knowing what she might do, to a very real extent you have a choice about how much you let it affect you.

Believe me, I know that's often easier said then done. But while you're strategizing around how to deal with the situation, you can also be working on your own perspective. Good luck and congratulations on your nuptials!!
posted by dry white toast at 11:21 AM on September 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

The language issue is a difficult complication.

When I got married, we weren't worried about my parents, but my dad and his second wife - they had just gone through a messy break-up. We wanted her to come if she wanted to, as we really liked her. In the end, we invited both of them and sat him with his relatives, and sat her with my mom's friends whom she didn't know but were of a similar age and interests. It worked out well.
posted by jb at 11:24 AM on September 10, 2012

Is your mom on pleasantry terms with any of your own friends or their parents? They may not be her friends per se, but would any of your friends be willing to hang with her to try to keep her entertained? I understand you said she speaks limited English, does that mean she really could not communicate with anyone at all, or could she at least make small talk with other friendly people that she knows from your life? If she lives in the United States and does not speak English well enough to even make small talk, I'm afraid you are between a rock and a hard place, but having her sit with English speaking people will not put her in a situation that she isn't already facing on a regular basis as a resident of the USA.

I also think you must discuss the issue of potential unpredictable and disruptive behavior with your mom in a polite way prior to the event. I would say something like "Mom, I know that the wedding is going to be a challenging thing for you because of the situation with Dad and the other family members being there. I can definitely understand why this might be upsetting to you and I'm stressing out about the possibility of things getting out of hand. If that happens, I can arrange so that you can take a breather from the festivities. We really want our special day to be calm and drama-free."

If anything seems to be heating up, ideally a friend of yours could escort her to a private area where she could cool off, or even volunteer to drive her back to her hotel. Ideally, the peacekeeper at the wedding should not be you - you should be enjoying the day. The fact that no one else speaks her language complicates this, but if you've made it clear to her beforehand that if she acts out, you might have to ask her to step away temporarily or even permanently, hopefully that would nip any ideas to create a dramatic showdown in the bud?

I know you said your mom is not a rational person, and that's why I'm trying to brainstorm on some way to ensure that she could be dealt with or whisked away if she starts doing anything rash. Really a rough situation you're in though - I hope things go better than expected.
posted by treehorn+bunny at 11:27 AM on September 10, 2012

Regarding your own stress about your mom - perhaps putting your mother's potential bad behavior into perspective will help you deal with it when the time comes. Imagine all the very worst things that she could do, and well, anything that does happen is probably going to be not so bad, is it? :)

-Mom wants to cut the wedding cake herself
-Mom decides to give a big speech over the microphone about how happy she and her new BF are
-Mom gets drunk (?) and crashes into a table
-Mom throws a fit kicking and screaming in the middle of the dance floor like a 2-year-old

Getting ridiculous with it will help you laugh it off the day of your wedding.
posted by lizbunny at 11:44 AM on September 10, 2012

Maybe this is totally off the wall, but could you hire a "date" for you mom? If there is there a community center or church for your mom's native language in your city, maybe you could talk to the leadership there and see if there is an upstanding older gentleman (or whoever) who would be willing to be her escort for the evening. Make sure that person is aware of the potential issues and ask them to keep her in check.
posted by CathyG at 11:44 AM on September 10, 2012 [3 favorites]

It sounds like you're not particularly close with either of your parents. Unless there's a reason you're dead-set on having a lot of the wedding traditions that involve the parents extensively, I'd consider just demoting your parents to "normal citizens" for the day, take away the spotlights and hope for hte best. Nobody "gives you away", seating the family in the first couple rows of the ceremony is as casual and non-hierarchical as possible, reallocate traditional "parent" duties to your friends as necessary, reception head table is the bridesmaids/groomsmen and nobody's family, your parents sit in separate rows during hte ceremony and separate tables at the reception.
Maybe this is unfair to your father, to punish him for your mother's irrationality, but on the other hand, maybe it's better to avoid as much highlighting of either of them as possible.
posted by aimedwander at 12:06 PM on September 10, 2012

Yeah. I just didn't do seating arrangements. Everybody just sat by whomever they wanted. I decided it wasn't my problem. It seemed to work. My parents are divorced but still friendly, however at any given time each of them has a 75%chance of not being on speaking terms with at least one of their siblings.
posted by Green Eyed Monster at 12:11 PM on September 10, 2012

Your mom and my mom sound a little...separated at birth. Some thoughts:

She's currently doing online dating, but the couple of guys that she had my fiance and I met are all kinda sketchy. My fiance and I question her judgment of character and we are genuinely worried that she will bring a date to the wedding just to spite my dad, as her way of saying, "look, I can find a man even if you left me."

I would totally let her bring a dude. In fact, I would make the invitation addressed to Mom +1. You father is married; it's totally okay if your mom is dating. Whether or not you approve of the guys is really not your concern, unless you think he is going to enact violence in the middle of the ceremony or something. Let her bring a date. It will make her feel more comfortable, give her someone to talk to, and otherwise provide a distraction for her, thus distracting her from engaging in her own inappropriate behavior.

What if you mom doesn't have a fella to bring? I would, in your position, tell her to invite one of her closer work friends (female friends in this case) as her +1. I would tell her to entice her friend with the offer of free food and a free party. Again - distraction, distraction, distraction.

My mom has no friends or family in the US.

If this is literally true, then I would heavily reiterate the point I made above.
In my case: my parents were married 20 years before their unamicable divorce. Thus, my mother was very entrenched in his family. They were her family. And they are her family, still. There's some bad blood and awkwardness and taking-of-sides since the divorce, but what I would do is enlist one of my lovely aunts, and her family, to sort of move over to my mother's side - sit with her at the table, that sort of thing - while the other family members could congregate around my father. This would work well; my aunt likes my mother, and would be very sensitive to the awkwardness of such a situation. I think she would do a good job being a buffer and providing my mother with the family she lacks at such an event.

I'd consider just demoting your parents to "normal citizens" for the day, take away the spotlights and hope for hte best. Nobody "gives you away", seating the family in the first couple rows of the ceremony is as casual and non-hierarchical as possible, reallocate traditional "parent" duties to your friends as necessary, reception head table is the bridesmaids/groomsmen and nobody's family...

Do this.
Not only because it totally eliminates the family weirdness, but because of lot of those things are just weird anyway.


Or you guys could just run off and elope. That would be my preferred method, frankly.
posted by vivid postcard at 12:29 PM on September 10, 2012 [2 favorites]

Are you being married by a clergy member? If so, he or she may be able to help you, in a whole variety of ways. First, it's likely that they have encountered families with similar issues before and might have some ideas. Second, they may know someone that speaks your mom's language who you could invite as a friend and seat near your mom. Third, they may be willing (even happy) to sit with your mom during the reception (not that it's the clergy member's job to babysit, but they have amazing people skills) -- depending on your mom's preferences, she might interpret this as an honor.
posted by OrangeDisk at 12:33 PM on September 10, 2012

The most upsetting thing about having an unstable family member is the fustraition in trying to manage and predict what shinnanigans they are going to pull off. Don't do it. Assign someone and trust that person to deal with it. You said it yourself: you can't get her to do what you want anyway.

Anything she does is on her. Anything short of a fist fight isn't going to ruin your wedding if you don't let it. so what if she cries? So what if she's catty?

Speaking as someone with a metric ton of unpredictable family members- no amount of worrying is going to make them more predictable. It is only going to make you miserable.
posted by Blisterlips at 1:01 PM on September 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

If your Mom is a loose cannon, have a bouncer ready to eject her.

I would allow her to bring a date to the wedding, what the hell, just don't have him in the pictures, or if she makes a stink, put him on the end and have the photographer eliminate him with photoshop.

If she behaves, bonus! If she gets one iota out of hand, have your designated bouncer forcibly remove her from the premisis.

Have this discussion before the wedding, "Mom, I want you to be at our wedding and I want you to have a good time, but because this isn't about you, it's about us. I don't want any drama. I love you, you know that, but lately your behavior has been questionable. To this end, I've hired an off-duty police officer to be security at the wedding. If you so much as look like you're going to complain about the chicken being dry, you'll be out of there so fast it will make your head spin."

Then hire an off-duty cop to hang out and do security for you. The venue or caterer should know someone.

If this doesn't take care of the problem, then don't invite her. End of story.

No guest, however important, gets to upset your day.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 1:04 PM on September 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

Hi! I am working through almost essentially this issue right now, so it might still explode in my face, but here's what I'm doing.

Have a small "bride and groom" table. Place it at the "head" of the hall, effectively. Then have two tables flank it. At one table sits your dad. At the other table sits your mom.

Sadly, I just learned that Metafilter doesn't let you include ASCII art formatting, so I cannot provide an illustration of this. But essentially, you want your mom and dad to kind of be mirror images on their two separate tables, and put enough "important" people at them so it looks like you just have two head tables.

Absolutely let your mom bring a date. She will be taken up with this and possibly flaunting him, but it means she will be low drama.

What is the language in question? I tend to side on the "hire her a friend" score of things if you think she will only be able to deal with this.
posted by corb at 1:26 PM on September 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

we solved this problem by eloping and holding parties separately.
posted by nadawi at 3:44 PM on September 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

There's already some very good advice above, but in the event it's helpful I'll share experiences from my own wedding. Similar to yours, my folks had a very bad divorce, had few friends. My mom, though with more local family, didn't speak to most of them and so couldn't be sat with them. Additionally, her English isn't great and she is highly religious (vs. us and the majority of our guests). To add to the fun, within my family there were various other relatives that didn't speak to other blood relatives.

Here's what we did/what I'd recommend you do:

1. Talk to your officiant: Whether you're having a religious ceremony or not, if you're walking down an aisle or not, etc. ask for their perspective. They've dealt with this sort of stuff before and should have some recommendations on different options. Because this was such a big concern for me, it was a question we asked while interviewing officiants. You want this settled as early as possible (not up for debate at the rehearsal)

2. Set up time with both your parents before the wedding to inform them of your expectations. My folks, though living in the same town, hadn't seen or spoken to each other in close to twenty years. The reunion wasn't going to be on my wedding day. I know this is different for you, but the risk is the same...you don't want any surprises or crappiness on your wedding day. So...I separately spoke with each of them, saying that I wanted the three of us to get together for a coffee. This was a month or six weeks before the wedding. I picked a neutral ground (a cafe) and the three of us met up for an hour or so. I paid. I explained that I was getting married. That the wedding day belonged to my soon to be wife and me, and that I was asking them to both be on their best behaviour on our wedding day. I reinforced that our wedding day was about my wife and me. Not them. I wasn't mean, but I was direct. I wanted them to think of the bigger picture, that this was the first of many more meetings as one day there would hopefully be grandkids. My parents were adults and they both promised to be on their best behaviour. After the meeting I called each of them to follow up and thank them for their time and for promising to put aside their differences for the day. I asked them how they felt about the meeting, I also leveraged this opportunity to poke around if there was anyone either of them wanted to ensure we invited.

3. Take care with assigning seating. 90% of our guests could have randomly sat themselves at any table and we wouldn't have had an issue. The other 10%, if not properly separated, would have ruined the evening for us. We cut out little pieces of paper with guest names printed on them and set out on the dining room table a number of plates equal to the number of tables at the reception. We arranged names on plates and then rearranged the plates on the tables moving them closer or further away from other tables. We didn't do a traditional head table and so felt free to mix our parents with other guests. At this point I called both my parents and said "hey how do you feel about sitting with so and so", give them options. The paper and plate exercise may also help with identifying some surprise table companions (example: I was able to put my dad with one of my mom's relatives because while i was close with that relative, they weren't speaking to anyone on my mother's side of family...but knew my dad and were happy to sit with him when I asked them)

4. Avoid temptation: though the risk was low that they'd misbehave, we reduced exposure to risky situations. So, neither parent got to make a speech. We gave them other honours at the ceremony and reception, but ones with access to a microphone

5. Remind them they're adults and you should be able to trust that they'll act like adults. They love you, this is your wedding day, they shouldn't do anything to take that focus away from you or ruin your memory of the day. If they do, they suck. I told my mother, who is more prone to making a scene than my father, that if she did anything (I spelled out a list of behaviours, actions, words) that I'd never forgive her.

6. Don't be at the wrong place at the wrong time. If you're afraid your folks are going to say something lousy to you under their breath, don't give them the opportunity to do so. I didn't avoid my folks at the reception but I never spent more than a few seconds with them. Again, I trusted them to be on their best behaviour...but why risk anything. I'd spend a few moments with one or the other and then move on quickly before there was any chance for any prolonged conversation. Don't look for them, have your partner run interference and/or to turn you away if they see either of your parents steaming or snarling or anything of the sort across the room.

7. Before the wedding, if not already done, introduce them to your future in-laws and see what help you can get from them to spend time with each of them at the reception. The watchout here is to ensure your inlaws aren't spending a disproportionate amount of time with one of your parents vs. the other at the reception. Especially as there is a language barrier and your mom or dad could interpret it as a preferential relationship, get jealous, etc.

At the end of the day, neither should be nasty and both will be preoccupied with guests coming up to them and wishing them congratulations. They'll be happy for the two you and will do everything they can to ensure you have a great wedding day. Mine were both all stars.
posted by dismitree at 7:17 PM on September 10, 2012

My parents are divorced and don't hate each other but are not close by any means. At the time I got married both of my parents were still single. We put my dad with his family (grandma, aunts/uncles/cousins) and my mom with hers. Worked out just fine.
posted by agress at 6:40 AM on September 11, 2012