Okay to move out but still be together?
August 30, 2012 5:43 AM Subscribe
Moving out but not breaking up?
posted by Confusedteacher to human relations (66 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
I have been with my boyfriend for almost 9 years. We have a fantastic relationship and I love him dearly and don't want anyone else. There's only one problem; our living situation. Our house is lovely from the outside but on the inside it's a mess (not dirty) from all of his things. It's his house so I feel bad being upset about it. We have no furniture (except for a bed, t.v. and kitchen appliances)because he wants to pay off all of his debt first (It's been this way the whole time). Not having "things" is not a big deal to me since I didn't grow up with much but it's the lack of a "home" that is killing me. I have brought it up to him in the past and he feels the same way too but he has yet to really do anything about it. I've tried to make the place nice but it's hard when you have boxes, papers and misc. stuff lying around and half painted walls. He works a lot so I know it's hard but when he is home he doesn't want to do anything (I can't blame him) but we'll never progress if this continues. Like I said, I have brought it up several times and have even tried to fix it myself but it's hard when he won't let me do things because he wants them done right. Another part of this whole thing that has been killing me all these years is not being able to have my family or friends over. I have two nieces (3 and 1 month) who I would love to have over to stay with me but I can't because the house is not suited for that type of thing. I can't have my grandmother, sister, mother, father, etc over for dinner (which I've always wanted to do) because the house just isn't able to handle that. I'm 29 years old (he's 41) and I feel like I've given up so much of my life because of this. I've recently found a house that I'm interested in renting. I'm a teacher so I have the income to afford it. The thing is, I feel so bad for wanting to move out! I DO NOT want to lose him because I love him so much and he loves me but I am not happy at all living in that house. I can't take it anymore and don't want to lose anymore of my valued family and friend time. I know I can go to everyone's house but I want to open my own home to my loved ones too. He has always been a proponent of having good individual mental health and treating each other in ways that will support that so I can see him being okay with how I'm feeling and my desires to move out but still be together. On the other hand, maybe he won't be okay because the idea is ridiculous and selfish? I feel horrible but I know if I stay I'll just continue to be unhappy. Am I a total jerk for feeling this way? Am I wrong? Thanks everyone.