After taking some time off from romance, I found myself happily being circled by a guy I'm attracted to... but so far he appears to be the flirty "all talk, no action" sort. I've not dated many of this breed so I'm out of my element and have just been laying low and staying patiently ladylike. I'm in my 40s though, and I'm not gonna lie... I'm in the mood for some action and too old for games. My patience is wearing thin. Hope me!
Sorry this is long (that's what he said.)
My last relationship was with an "all action, no talk" guy who put me through the ringer and didn't care about my needs, and I decided to be alone for a while afterwards to clear my head. I didn't want to jump into a new relationship for the wrong reasons. I am really ready to be in a romance with a man again, though... I miss so many things about it. I'm not looking to get married or anything, I just want to enjoy my life with someone I like and who likes me, whether for the long or short term.
I met this man through the business I run and immediately thought he was cute. We're both in our mid-40s, active, attractive, intelligent people. He's a Brit living in America, and I'm an American who's spent a lot of time in Britain. The first time I met him, he mentioned a live in girlfriend so I flirted a little but all G Rated because I'm no homewrecker.
A few months later, he showed up at a day-long event I was holding. He was flirting with me pretty much from the get go, and so I teased him about his girlfriend to make sure she stayed in his thoughts. (I'm a big ol' unapologetically cheeky flirt. It's just who I am. But again, I'm no homewrecker.) Within an hour, he whispered to me that his relationship was over. Throughout the day he stayed by my side and flirted, hit me in the arm, chose to be with me instead of exploring the event, and it was really kind of adorable. It reminded me of when boys crushed on me in Jr. High. He told me I was fun to be around and that he liked being with me. He tried to make me blush whenever possible. After the event was over, he kissed me and told me I was making him really hot. I could've gone home with him right then but he was still a stranger to me, so we went out to eat and spent a few hours talking. He didn't ask me much about myself but we had good conversations. At my car, we kissed passionately and he tried to make me blush more, promising more in the future. We parted ways.
I invited him to a similar event I was hosting and he showed up. We were both more tired that day, but we had fun. As he left for his car, he said, "You always have a glint in your eye, did you know that?" I asked if that was bad and he said, "Never." Then he said we should get together sometime. He didn't suggest anything at that moment, so I started to wonder if he was serious. I had really started to feel good about the fun potential of our connection but reminded myself not to get emotionally attached so fast. I just couldn't quite tell what to make of him.
I won't say my halo is firmly intact but in my mind he wasn't going to get further into my pants without at least inviting me on one date, and that didn't seem like such a big expectation. We were both going through major life transitions with moving homes and changing jobs though so I figured I would just lay low, be patient and see if he contacted me again. We were both experiencing a lot of stuff, and I had plenty to deal with on my plate too.
After I wrote him off, the text flirting still kept occurring every few weeks... he said he was fantasizing about me... said he had a hot dream about me... he went into detail... we were clearly heading out of PG territory verbally. I responded by saying I would choose to be flattered and made a joke about how the dream version of me seems to be getting a lot of action lately... I was trying to stay somewhat classy about it, and still waiting for him to stop texting and make an effort to spend time with me in person. I didn't know what he was waiting for, he knows I like him and I refuse to act like I'm needy or desperate.
So we made plans for him to come over and to walk our dogs together but then a few days beforehand he said he couldn't because he had to work. In the following week I heard a lot about how he constantly had to work, because he was transitioning jobs. I wished him well and started writing him off again. Then the next week he drunk texted me while he was on vacation about how much he wanted to "fuck my brains out." The only response I gave was "So I hear." (The next day he sheepishly blamed his friend Jack Daniels, and I asked if his friend was single and followed it up with a link to instant rimshot
. I feel like all I can do at this point is chuckle and shrug, but it really is losing its cuteness.) At this point I kind of look at him as a construction worker who calls out to me from the scaffolding as I'm walking along living my life. I am tired of not being able to take men seriously... there's a part of me that really wants to tell him to shut up, get off the scaffolding and do the sexy sexy stuff he's promising or to stop texting me about it.
Would I like to be in a relationship? Sure, I'd like to eventually work towards finding a grown up mutually healthy, beneficial and loving one. Would I be open to having a purely sexual relationship? Possibly, if it was mutually respectful and we discussed our boundaries and expectations in advance. I'm a grown woman, not a kid. I don't really want to jump into something without knowing what it is... but I *do* know that a sexy sexy texting relationship isn't enough for me.
It's not very fair though... if the roles were reversed and I was speaking to a man the way he speaks to me, he would probably be angry at me for being a tease. I would love to have a heart to heart with him about this, but I don't want him to feel like I'm being "heavy" and pressuring him in any way... god forbid. And if I did talk to him I just don't even know how to approach it so that it comes across in a way that will make sense to him and be non-emasculating or embarrassing. It would be easy to talk about if we ever saw each other, but that's part of the problem.
There is also the option of saying, "You know what, if you really want to do all of these things you are saying then prove it. Get over here." But if I'm going to start up a new sexual relationship I want it to be a situation where I'm feeling respected, and "Hi, shut up and come do me" just doesn't seem like the classiest way to get this rolling. Amirite?
Part of me thinks I should just write him off entirely and stop responding... but who knows what his side of the story is. Maybe he has a good reason for being this way... maybe he's waiting for a sign from me that I don't know to give and I'm just not psychic enough to get it.
Okay, I'll be honest. I'm at a loss here.
What do y'all think?