I have feelings for my friend...how do I get out of the friend zone?
August 13, 2012 10:17 PM Subscribe
I started having feelings for my good friend and mustered up the courage to tell him, but he says he doesn't feel the same way, yet still wants to remain close friends. I'm not happy with that. How do I get out of the friend zone? Or should I just get over it?
posted by impactsmoothie to Human Relations (31 answers total) 11 users marked this as a favorite
So I started having feelings for a close friend of mine because we'd been spending a lot of time together over the past year and I've gotten to know him on a very deep and personal level. And well, I enjoy spending time with him and one day, it was like a light bulb went off and I started seeing him as more than a friend. We also have great chemistry together and we get eachother.
He's a few years younger than me, though. He's still an undergrad and I graduated a couple years ago. The 3-4 age difference doesn't bother me. He told a close mutual friend of ours that he was really into me, but he was a little concerned I might be "too old." So when I heard this, I was disappointed and tried my best to move on, but alas, it was difficult because I still hung out with him all the time as friends. The feelings kept getting stronger and stronger.
He started giving me what I perceived as hints that he likes me, too. He would often give me more time than he would give to our other friends. He also took me out a few times in which I felt like were unspoken dates. We would go for dinner alone and he'd pay. We'd walk around and talk for hours. He'd sometimes flirt with me or sometimes do things like touch my leg or lean in really close to me. He also used to call, text, chat and email me frequently. We didn't go more than a day without communicating.
Then a month or so ago, I finally mustered up the courage to tell him I had more-than-friends feelings for him. I thought he'd admit that he had feelings for me, too. But NOPE. He said he only sees me as a friend and wants to continue to be friends. He said he has had feelings and attraction to me, but he isn't ready for any type of commitment, so he didn't see the point of talking about it. He also asked that maybe we should have "space" from one another to make sure we're just friends. We haven't spoken in weeks, but today he texted and called me and left me a voicemail saying he misses me and doesn't see the point of this whole "space" thing and wants to go back to how we were.
So I'm not sure where to go from here. I still have feelings for the guy, but I don't know if I should be friends with him like before. I clearly want to be more than friends. Honestly, I probably wouldn't want to start talking to him again unless I know I have a chance to be more than friends. Has anyone else ever been in the same situation? How do you think the best way for me to react to him would be? Any help or guidance would be highly appreciated. Thanks!