depressed and failing at working
August 13, 2012 6:58 PM Subscribe
Hi, I'm a depressed person and reached another bad place in my life. My work is severely lacking and people notice. How do I sort out this one? I feel like my life is on repeat...
posted by ribboncake to human relations (20 answers total) 11 users marked this as a favorite
My performance at work has been so lacking that my boss wants to have a serious talk this week about it for about the sixth time. My boss has beyond understanding so far, and I think in most place, I would've been fired by now. I've come clean about my depression, said I would work on it, have updated my meds, feel better overall, but my life has just become such a mess I don't know how to climb out. I work in academia, where the groups are small and the work open-ended. I've been working on a project for MONTHS and have gotten nowhere. What I have someone could've done in two weeks. I can't concentrate and it just seems like nothing sticks in my head. I read things and it doesn't register, and I can't think clearly enough to solve a problem or synthesize what I know. I've been trying to stay to wrap up this project, but the longer I stay, the more of a failure I reveal myself to be.
I don't know what to say to my boss anymore. I can't make more promises about working harder because I haven't kept those before. I can't blame my depression anymore.
Is this just me? How do I know if I'm just one of those really lazy people? I've also wondered about ADHD, but then I wonder if I'm just blaming my habits on mental health issues that aren't there. When I think back on my other work (I'm a recent graduate, so not too much job experience), I realized that even when people say I did well, I was just getting by on sheer talent, or making things look like it took much more effort than it actually did. I'm constantly worried that someone will find out and I'll be exposed. I think it's coming to that at work.
What do I do? I feel so guilty because our group is so small and I'm not contributing. Everyone is frustrated. My boss is a nice person, and is probably reluctant to fire me, but I feel like I'm dragging the group down. I'm unhappy, and I don't even like the work anymore. I don't know what to do. I don't know if this pattern will just repeat itself at my next job, and my boss will be less forgiving. I am also stubborn and don't want to quit, but is this one of those situations where I just met my limit and the brave thing to do is to give up?
Added to all of this is the fact that I barely have any savings and I don't have friends or family nearby to call on. I don't have a support system at all. How do I navigate this? I will probably be thread sitting and adding more info if needed. Too stressed and mind is whirling and nothing makes sense.