"Do you take this man...?" Probably not.
August 13, 2012 5:42 PM Subscribe
How do I figure out if I want to get married, without, you know, getting married? I feel like I need to figure this out, because I'm at an age that a lot of guys I date definitely *do* want to get married, and I don't want to waste their time.
posted by peacrow to human relations (41 answers total) 28 users marked this as a favorite
I searched around for a similar question, but most of the questions of "do I want to get married?" involve someone questioning taking the next step in a committed relationship. This is not that.
Yesterday, for the first time in my 31 years of life, the thought that I might not want to get married at all, ever, crossed my mind. I kind of always assumed I did want to eventually get married, now I'm not so sure. I am currently single(ish). I know I want companionship, but I don't really want someone to have kids with, co-mingle finances with, buy a house with, grow old with. None of that is particularly appealing.
This question is two-fold: What's so special about getting married? (I'm serious.) I have had two long term relationships/cohabitation situations and both turned out rather badly. So, I know what it is to share a household and finances with someone I love/care about/have sex with. How is getting married any different? Is it a different mindset?
And, if I do decide I want to be single for quite a long while/forever, do I have to totally re-imagine the guys I date and the way I date? How do I find guys who are in for a penny, but not necessarily in for a pound? I think I'd like a series of monogamous relationships 5-10 years long, max. That's most appealing to me.
Disclaimer: I've had a series/variety of heartbreaks over the past 3-4 years, so this may be coloring my view, but I'm not currently in the throws of a breakup or anything dramatic.