Boss Panic!

August 5, 2005 9:41 AM

Boss Panic! I have a friend who becomes very apprehensive when he knows the boss is coming.

He works in a branch office, and must endure occasional visits from the boss. He hasn't had the most perfect work experience (but he does love his job), so these times can be extremely stressful. To the point where he wants to call in sick.

posted by frykitty to work & money (10 comments total)

Well, crud, for some reason the last line of my question didn't show up. It is:

What are your strategies for dealing with boss-related stress?
posted by frykitty at 9:42 AM on August 5, 2005

What does the boss do while he/she's there?

People say that doing things like deep breathing or listening to music helps in moments of stress like these, but those have never helped me. I find I need to have a pep talk with myself. Remember that old SNL thing where Al Franken looked at himself in a mirror and told himself he was good enough? Sounds like your friend needs to do something like that.

He could try writing down every possible reason he's an asset to the company. He could also ask other people that work there to help him list one or two redeeming qualities, or reasons he's great to have/be around. Then when he knows that the boss is coming, he could take out the list and read it, and most importantly (and this is the hardest part) - believe it. It could give him the mental boost or psych he needs to feel more confident about himself.

I don't know their particular boss/underling relationship, or what the boss does when he/she shows up, but perhaps your friend could try to start thinking of the boss as an ally and not as an enemy.
posted by iconomy at 9:52 AM on August 5, 2005

I suppose "find a new job" is out of the question?

Does he have a manager or team lead that can serve as a buffer between him and the boss? Sometimes just knowing someone else in the office has your back can help with that sort of thing.

I'm gathering from your description that the boss is not abusive or anything (in which case a call to HR is in order), but that your friend is unnerved by authority? Does his job comp for training? Maybe he could ask to take a class either in something job-related or a low-level management class to improve his confidence. Prsented the right way, it might even send a message to the scary boss that he's trying to improve, and drop the tension level a bit.
posted by Karmakaze at 9:54 AM on August 5, 2005

I'd say confront the problem/boss head-on. When the boss shows up, make a point of saying "hi," chat about whatever project they're working on, talk about the weather or last night's game. Not in a kiss-ass kind of way, but it seems that if your co-worker related to the boss a little as a person, they would see them as not so scary.
posted by bendy at 10:17 AM on August 5, 2005

What does the boss do while he/she's there?

It's a "bonding" session. With everyone else in the office, it's just shooting the bull. My friend usually gets a reprimand for something he may or may not have done. My friend is a boat-rocker, and has expressed a negative opinion of someone who is a friend to the supervisors--not great in a good ol' boy situation. Mind you, his reviews are great, so the hassle is unfounded. He just doesn't take any shit, so he gets some shit back for it. Despite his willingness to stand up to the bosses, it's still wrecking his nerves.

I suppose "find a new job" is out of the question?

While this all sounds horrible, it's not frequent--and he just loves what he does. He also works in a specialized field in a rural area (that he also loves), so there's not much around.

Does he have a manager or team lead that can serve as a buffer

The buffer is the problem.

And no, the bosses (there are actually two of them, I was just being general) are not abusive. In fact, I personally like both of these folks and think they're good people.

So the solution really has to deal with my friend's coping skills, rather than changing the situation.
posted by frykitty at 10:18 AM on August 5, 2005

His coping skills OR his lack of mouth-brain filter. If he can't deal with the repercussions of rocking the boat perhaps he shouldn't do it.
posted by phearlez at 10:42 AM on August 5, 2005

He could try drugs. A few pills here and there will make him very mellow. There's also vodka.

It doesn't really make sense that he's so nervous. If he's not afraid of these guys and stands up to them... why is he afraid of a few reprimands? Maybe the best thing would be to just try and get some perspective. The worse thing that could happen in such a situation is he gets fired and in a fit of rage murders his boss. Is that so bad?
posted by nixerman at 11:10 AM on August 5, 2005

If he's not afraid of these guys and stands up to them... why is he afraid of a few reprimands?

I don't see the confusion--there's a big difference between pointing out a problem in the workplace, and bearing a reprimand. Or having a nervous reaction to someone who has reprimanded you in the past.
posted by frykitty at 11:51 AM on August 5, 2005

The Harvard Business Review series of books identifies a similar behavior as the set-up-to-fail syndrome. It boils down to someone being slightly out of line, so their manager gives them slightly more attention hoping to improve their performance. The employee views this as the manager losing trust in them and so on, into a vicious circle. It's been several years since I read the book and I don't have an amazon login to view the results, but here are the relevant search results from the book...

Harvard Business Review on Managing People
posted by 517 at 4:41 PM on August 5, 2005

try and roleplay with him a situation (ask him for a common one) with him once as himself and then once as his boss.

the idea is for him to realize the boss is just another guy with a job, so he can take it out of any kind of symbolic (authorative figure stuff) zone that might be stressing him.
posted by mirileh at 2:02 AM on August 6, 2005