Do not speak to me in the imperative mood.
August 7, 2012 7:39 AM Subscribe
My partner sometimes speaks or writes to me in the imperative mood ("Do this, then do that." "Take the car to the shop.") It is an issue because I feel she is speaking to the staff, and I am not the staff. I have objected to this behavior continuously over several years. We are in couples' counseling, but it does not seem to be working. We're apparently at an impasse.
posted by anonymous to human relations (49 answers total) 11 users marked this as a favorite
We're in couples' counseling at my instigation, because I do not seem to be heard when we argue, and I have raised this as an issue in the counseling. It has got worse, not better. I do not want to be addressed as an underling and have had enough of it.
I am about ready to end the relationship over a few things, but it is this being addressed as the staff that rankles the most even though it is nothing like physical violence. The couples' counseling has advised us to say "When you x, I feel y" where x = the behavior complained of; y = hurt, fear, (other basic emotion). I've done it, quite a bit. It hasn't worked. The behavior has become more frequent and more egregious.
I would like advice on what else, if anything, to try. I am entirely willing to give up and start over if there is nothing further to be done.
The relationship is of over a decade's standing and when my partner is not busy telling me what to do I find her intelligent and fun. On the negative side she cannot bother to treat me even as well as she would a stranger or casual acquaintance. I would miss her a lot if we ended our relationship. I feel as though she is taking advantage of the fact I like her to have her way a lot and it doesn't feel like a partnership any more.