I'm guessing addressing the invitation to just my dad isn't going to cut it
July 31, 2012 8:39 AM Subscribe
How do I (or can I at all) not invite my dad's wife to my upcoming wedding?
posted by animalrainbow to human relations (95 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
So three years ago my dad left my mom after 27 years of marriage for a woman he had been corresponding with online. They got married some time last year.
I'm less angry about it, or at least I'm actively working on that. I've met her several times and it's been pleasant enough. However, I'm getting married next year and I don't want her there. Is that even something I can ask for and if so how?
One reason is to avoid drama at the event. I'm not secretly hoping that my parents will get back together--hell, I'm not even hoping for cordial. My wildest dream (which I'm enlisting basically everyone attending to achieve) is for them to not speak and stay as far on other sides of the room as the floor plan allows. I'd like to minimize the number of potential volatile situations & actors.
The other is that I'm giving it my best but it's very painful for me to be around the two of them. I understand that she's part of my dad's life now and I need to get to know her. She seems to make my father happy and I'm glad for that, although it's kind of tempered by the fact that their happiness has been achieved at the expense of a lot of pain for me and my mom. That's just how life goes sometimes, I get it, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. There's nothing for that but time (an apology might be nice too but I understand I'm not going to get one) and I just don't feel ready yet.
So, can I ask her not to attend or is this unforgivably rude? If I can, how? My dad is not the best at emotional nuance and I'm afraid he'll be offended, and of course I want him to be there. I thought it might be best to try to explain to her directly but I'm starting to think that'd be worse. They are in town for the next week so this would probably be the only chance to talk to them in person before the wedding, if that's necessary. Thanks for your advice.