Wedding of Opposites Can't Get Off the Ground
July 9, 2012 12:56 PM Subscribe
I'm Dharma, he's Greg. Or vice versa. Help us figure out how to make a wedding that we're both happy with, so we can get married already!
posted by corb to human relations (59 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
My fiance and I are opposites in almost as many ways as you can think up - ideologically, culturally, personality, etc. We love each other very much, and somehow manage to have a really great relationship. But it seems like the notion of planning a wedding is bringing up these huge gulfs between us. The way it's looking now, either one of us will be unhappy, or both of us will. Thus far, it's delayed our wedding several months as we don't want to send dates out until we know what we're doing. Help us come up with a great compromise that will leave both of us feeling good, and able to start that year-clock ticking! (We are in NYC)
Me: Lapsed Catholic, traditionalist, ex-military, with enormous Hispanic family and host of friends. I read etiquette books for fun. I love old things, like books and churches. I want to feel like I stepped back in time for my wedding. I want beautiful and awe-inspiring pictures. I want to invite everyone and their mother's cousins to the actual ceremony, then have a smaller reception with dinner and dancing that goes all night. (I initially wanted a rifle arch, until realizing that the laws of New York would make that hard.) It's hard to find me without high heels (that sink into grass, sadly.) I want a priest to write our names in a record that's going to endure forever even after we lose our own paperwork.
Him: Atheist and anti-theist, woodsman, anarchist, engineer. Loves robots and the future and new things. His holy places are places of natural or scientific wonder. Very socially conscious - doesn't want our wedding to be tied to anything he morally disapproves of. (Which includes the Catholic Church) Small family and few friends. Wants delicious food and lots of drinks, but doesn't care about the dancing. Wants an officiant we can both respect, and something that represents both of us - taking his lack of faith as seriously as any religion.
My initial suggestion was a full Catholic ceremony, inside the church I was baptized in, with a formal and more exclusive reception and dancefloor to follow.
His initial suggestion was for us to be married by a scientist, on a cliff face with a waterfall, off the side of a highway in an area we're not allowed to legally be. Then for everyone to drive to a reception location for the party.
Help us come up with some way we both can be happy!