My mind is blank all the time? How do I fix this??
June 8, 2012 1:27 PM Subscribe
My mind is blank all the time? How do I fix this?? (long read but please read)
posted by soul24rage to Human Relations (11 answers total) 15 users marked this as a favorite
My mind is a perpetual state of emptiness. I never know what to say to people, not even my closest of friends and families. I just have no thoughts and always seem to cut conversations short. And the times that I do have ideas and thoughts, I can never put them into words fluently. I end up mumbling and feeling insecure, causing me to stutter a bit and just speak so awkwardly. Sometimes I even wonder whether I got my damn point across because it comes out so garbled.
I always wondered how some people can tell stories so well and get people to laugh with them. I never seem to have stories to tell, and when I actually do have a story, I deliver it so poorly that it ends up not being interesting or funny. Then I feel like **** because no one responds to it enthusiastically. This develops into a cycle where I don't want to open up or talk a lot in conversations. It's a nasty *** cycle and I hate it.
I don't necessarily fear social settings either. I can make eye contact easily, I don't fear groups of people. Heck, I go out to party every weekend and mingle with people all the time (im a college student). IT's just that I never have anything to say to people to keep conversations going.
I still see myself as somewhat functional. Unhappy, but functional. What I mean by this is, I have no trouble going out into the real world and doing what I need to do. I don't get nervous when I order food or interact with people. If anything, the reason why I avoid interacting with people is because I'm afraid of not being able to say the right things to keep conversations going and interesting. When I'm interacting with random strangers with small talk, I can do just fine. But it's when I'm interacting with someone because I'm trying to develop a bond/relatioinship with them that I stumble and come off as awkward, cold, aloof, arrogant, and uninterested.
Sometimes I wonder how I managed to have the friends I do now. So in that regard, I see myself as functional. When people mention how they get panic attacks or avoid interaction at all by staying in their homes, I cannot relate to that. Eye contact for me is really easy. I was able to secure an internship for this summer. I managed to date a girl for two months (although it ended). But in the end, I'm an unhappy, negative, pessimistic, cynical ******* with no motivation in life. I have zero passion. I know I'm not normal and the thing I want most is to be normal. I want to be that person who has an engaging voice and so many stories to tell. I can try faking it, but it's so mentally taxing that I can barely sustain it.
Another frustration I have is my utter lack of passion or interest for ANYTHING in life. I don't give a damn that Obama won (as bad as that sounds, I honestly didn't care THAT much). I don't have a passion in my studies; even for my major it's not something I'm passionate about. I don't give a **** about my best friend's girlfriend problems (I know that sounds really horrible.. but I just don't.. sorry). I don't care that you bombed a test or stayed up all night studying. I don't care how drunk you got and what epic stories ensued. And this isn't even an angry rant. I just am devoid of interest in anything in life. I can't grasp how some people can be so passionate about something. It's fascinating to me, really.