I've achieved the perfect FWB situation. Except for that I can't stand him..
June 4, 2012 10:05 PM Subscribe
I've achieved the absolutely perfect FWB situation. Absolutely perfect aside from the fact that I can't stand him.
posted by ad4pt to human relations (32 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
Ok so I'm 23/female. I broke up with my boyfriend of about three years at the end of January, no residual feelings or interest there. The last probably 6 months were lame and we didn't have sex. It got to the point where I thought I didn't even LIKE sex anymore (sad, huh?). Since then I've been pretty happy, very busy and I dated around for awhile.
Nothing worked out and I got really tired of dating and realized I wasn't interested at all except I discovered, now that I was allowed to have sex with people I was actually attracted to, that I LOVE sex and feel way more comfortable with it than I ever have. I realized that I was wasting a lot of time and energy dating when all I really wanted was just the sex. I stopped dating and became generally happier and way more productive, however I quickly became very sexually frustrated.
Enter my friend Tom who is in the exact same situation. We've been acquaintances/sort of friends for years and I've always liked him as a person. He's also pretty attractive and has an amazing body. He brought up the idea of becoming FWB and I at first was really, really not into it. I really didn't want to start hooking up with anyone I already knew. Of course one night it happened anyway and we discovered that the sex is incredible. Really incredible. Like this is the most mind-blowingly good sex I've ever had and I don't even know what I was doing or thinking before.
For about two weeks I thought this was the greatest situation ever. However, after spending more time with Tom, I began to realize that I am very, very not attracted to him intellectually. He's not dumb at all, however he is not as educated as me and we are interested in very different things. I also often get frustrated with his perspective on things and honestly I find myself becoming mentally pretentious and looking down on him often, as much as I hate it.
Although, we've made it extremely clear that we are NOT dating and not interested in dating, he has told me that if he wasn't at this point in his life he would totally date me. I would NEVER date him. This doesn't concern me that much because if this situation ever ended bad for any reason I wouldn't miss him so much as a friend, however I don't want the situation to end any time soon. Also because of this discrepancy sometimes I even find myself really resenting him and not wanting to be around him when he's at my house, especially when I know he's really having a great time hanging out and I am not. I often find myself thinking about ending the thing just because I'm starting to get so sick of hanging out with him. This quickly goes away after sex.
I know it seems very shallow, however since entering this situation my life is way less complicated, I feel way more productive and, most importantly, I feel like I'm learning a lot about my sexuality which I think is an important thing to do at my age. I also go out to the bars way less and feel just generally calmer all around. I don't feel like I'm being TOO selfish because we're both enjoying ourselves and are very clear and communicate very well about where we stand, the only thing is he doesn't know I can't stand talking to him.
I don't feel like he's secretly trying parlay this into a relationship or actual "dating" situation or anything.
Bottom line: Aside from the fact that I don't enjoy his company, I like how this is impacting my life in the general sense.
So.. any advice? Have you ever been in a situation like this?
Find some way to tell him not to talk so much?
Just cut it off?