How did you escape your toxic work situation?
May 17, 2012 9:34 AM Subscribe
How did you escape (or deal with) your toxic work situation?
This was me 7 months ago. I took the job, turns out I didn't ask two very important questions in my interviews: How much and exactly what kind of training/supervision is available to me (turns out, barely any), and what kind of IT support does our department have (again, just about nothing). Based on this and a variety of other toxic-workplace issues that are having a strong negative affect on me, I don't know what to do next career-wise (fortunately everything else in my life is pretty great). We have a good chunk of savings but I was hoping to put it toward other life goals than merely surviving (which is what I'm doing now anyway I guess, except the bank account is growing, not shrinking).
There's already tons of advice directed at this type of issue, so I'd really like to hear stories of how people escaped previous toxic workplace situations in their past and what was the aftermath. Did you leave as soon as you got another ok job, and how did you get it? Did you wait it out and find a better job? Did you outright quit and hope for the best? Did the best happen, the worst, or something in between? Looking back, are you happy with your choices to go immediately/stay a bit longer?
Feel free to throw advice at me anyway if you want, or lead me to similar threads (I searched but couldn't find anything that was more personal story-oriented than advice). Thank you!
This was me 7 months ago. I took the job, turns out I didn't ask two very important questions in my interviews: How much and exactly what kind of training/supervision is available to me (turns out, barely any), and what kind of IT support does our department have (again, just about nothing). Based on this and a variety of other toxic-workplace issues that are having a strong negative affect on me, I don't know what to do next career-wise (fortunately everything else in my life is pretty great). We have a good chunk of savings but I was hoping to put it toward other life goals than merely surviving (which is what I'm doing now anyway I guess, except the bank account is growing, not shrinking).
There's already tons of advice directed at this type of issue, so I'd really like to hear stories of how people escaped previous toxic workplace situations in their past and what was the aftermath. Did you leave as soon as you got another ok job, and how did you get it? Did you wait it out and find a better job? Did you outright quit and hope for the best? Did the best happen, the worst, or something in between? Looking back, are you happy with your choices to go immediately/stay a bit longer?
Feel free to throw advice at me anyway if you want, or lead me to similar threads (I searched but couldn't find anything that was more personal story-oriented than advice). Thank you!
Live and learn. We've all jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire. The good news is that you have a paying job, this makes you look better to prospective employers than someone who is unemployed. (Weird, but true) So don't quit until you have something else lined up.
So start looking for a new gig. Now is the perfect time to after the job you really want. This is when schools find out who is renewing their contracts. Look in any district you'd be interested in. Look in private schools. Look everywhere.
When asked about your current position, be truthful, "It's been a great learning experience, but it's not really a good fit for what I want to do."
For me, I was teaching English and Debate at one of the worst high schools in Florida. 4000 total students in a building designed for 2000, administrators who came and went so fast I never got to know them. 3 principals in 2 years. And 98% of the students eligible for free lunch and breakfast. I stayed for 2 years, and it was physically exhausing and psychologically demanding. There wasn't a day I didn't feel like I dragged all 120 of my students up a hill in a pillowcase.
I actually ended up selling my house and moving out of state to take another job. THAT'S how serious I was about GTFO of my situation.
I sent out a bazillion resumes, but it was through networking with my friends out of state that I got the job. I was talking with a girl friend of mine at The Phone Company and I was telling her how much I needed a new job, she said, "I can get you a job in Nashville". I screamed to Husbunny, "Hey, how do you feel about Nashville" He said, "Fine with me, I don't like Florida anyway, besides, it's closer to my family." One month later, we were selling our house and moving. Done and done.
Also, I went to the metaphysical store and got candles. My teaching colleague also wanted out of the school, and she had a lead on a job in a very tony private school. She too got a candle, and we wrote down our intentions on a piece of paper. She was offered a job there, so her little boy has received and excellent education and she get's to teach The House on Mango Street to a class of 14.
So a combination of networking and candles.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 9:58 AM on May 17, 2012 [1 favorite]
So start looking for a new gig. Now is the perfect time to after the job you really want. This is when schools find out who is renewing their contracts. Look in any district you'd be interested in. Look in private schools. Look everywhere.
When asked about your current position, be truthful, "It's been a great learning experience, but it's not really a good fit for what I want to do."
For me, I was teaching English and Debate at one of the worst high schools in Florida. 4000 total students in a building designed for 2000, administrators who came and went so fast I never got to know them. 3 principals in 2 years. And 98% of the students eligible for free lunch and breakfast. I stayed for 2 years, and it was physically exhausing and psychologically demanding. There wasn't a day I didn't feel like I dragged all 120 of my students up a hill in a pillowcase.
I actually ended up selling my house and moving out of state to take another job. THAT'S how serious I was about GTFO of my situation.
I sent out a bazillion resumes, but it was through networking with my friends out of state that I got the job. I was talking with a girl friend of mine at The Phone Company and I was telling her how much I needed a new job, she said, "I can get you a job in Nashville". I screamed to Husbunny, "Hey, how do you feel about Nashville" He said, "Fine with me, I don't like Florida anyway, besides, it's closer to my family." One month later, we were selling our house and moving. Done and done.
Also, I went to the metaphysical store and got candles. My teaching colleague also wanted out of the school, and she had a lead on a job in a very tony private school. She too got a candle, and we wrote down our intentions on a piece of paper. She was offered a job there, so her little boy has received and excellent education and she get's to teach The House on Mango Street to a class of 14.
So a combination of networking and candles.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 9:58 AM on May 17, 2012 [1 favorite]
I've been through this. I also say that I was lucky to end up where I am but here's my story:
I wasn't comfortable quiting and hoping for the best so I looked for jobs while still in the job that was ill suited for me. I took some stress leave when I needed it. I went to therapy. I worked on getting certification that I knew would allow me a better chance at getting the job that I really wanted. I was lucky enough to have support from management that offered financial support for that certification. I applied for jobs in the regular way and also networked (which was how I ended up in the job I want). I was lucky that I had management that didn't punish me for looking for work - it became impossible to hide when you request to take a secondment. I was denied. I was even lucky not to go on that secondment, because it would have been the end of the financial support for my certification, which landed me my current job.
I was lucky (?) to have major surgery that year which meant 2 months off work.
I tried to stay focussed on my goals. If I didn't have them, I would have had to make some serious decisions. If I hadn't had the surgery booked, I might not have held out for so long.
I also learned a lot from that time in my life. It was one of the hardest years, but I have a lot of coping skills and empathy for myself because of it. If you take care of yourself, you can get through stuff, and you don't have to put up with stuff if you don't want to. Stress leave is a real thing, doctors will write you a note if you can't bear being at work one more minute. I found the stress came right back when I returned, but therapy helped on a long term basis and at least I didn't feel crappy for the time that I was off.
posted by Gor-ella at 11:08 AM on May 17, 2012
I wasn't comfortable quiting and hoping for the best so I looked for jobs while still in the job that was ill suited for me. I took some stress leave when I needed it. I went to therapy. I worked on getting certification that I knew would allow me a better chance at getting the job that I really wanted. I was lucky enough to have support from management that offered financial support for that certification. I applied for jobs in the regular way and also networked (which was how I ended up in the job I want). I was lucky that I had management that didn't punish me for looking for work - it became impossible to hide when you request to take a secondment. I was denied. I was even lucky not to go on that secondment, because it would have been the end of the financial support for my certification, which landed me my current job.
I was lucky (?) to have major surgery that year which meant 2 months off work.
I tried to stay focussed on my goals. If I didn't have them, I would have had to make some serious decisions. If I hadn't had the surgery booked, I might not have held out for so long.
I also learned a lot from that time in my life. It was one of the hardest years, but I have a lot of coping skills and empathy for myself because of it. If you take care of yourself, you can get through stuff, and you don't have to put up with stuff if you don't want to. Stress leave is a real thing, doctors will write you a note if you can't bear being at work one more minute. I found the stress came right back when I returned, but therapy helped on a long term basis and at least I didn't feel crappy for the time that I was off.
posted by Gor-ella at 11:08 AM on May 17, 2012
You mention two areas of dissatisfaction, but how did these manifest themselves into "this job is so toxic that I need to bail?"
Is the toxicity with the job [i.e. working with these students/administrators];
or is it with your co-workers and your relationships with them?
Can you bundle one or both of your stated areas of dissatisfaction into a project for you to manage?
[Boss, here is where I see that we need more tech support. Do you agree that it is a widespread problem? If so, can I work on finding some grant funding or interns for us...]
[Colleagues, I'm hoping that we can work together to match up some mentors for newer teachers [me included] does that sound like something you'd be interested in?]
Helping your organization overcome these shortfalls might help you get through whatever time you have left there...and you'll also know that you did your best to make things better while you were there.
posted by calgirl at 12:18 PM on May 17, 2012
Is the toxicity with the job [i.e. working with these students/administrators];
or is it with your co-workers and your relationships with them?
Can you bundle one or both of your stated areas of dissatisfaction into a project for you to manage?
[Boss, here is where I see that we need more tech support. Do you agree that it is a widespread problem? If so, can I work on finding some grant funding or interns for us...]
[Colleagues, I'm hoping that we can work together to match up some mentors for newer teachers [me included] does that sound like something you'd be interested in?]
Helping your organization overcome these shortfalls might help you get through whatever time you have left there...and you'll also know that you did your best to make things better while you were there.
posted by calgirl at 12:18 PM on May 17, 2012
Some of it is just a matter of perspective. No supervision and no IT support limiting my use of my computer is sort of my dream environment. Tell me what to do and get out of my way is how I like to work.
In this economy, I wouldn't quit without the next job lined up. Grin and bear it, and find something else as soon as you can.
posted by COD at 12:49 PM on May 17, 2012
In this economy, I wouldn't quit without the next job lined up. Grin and bear it, and find something else as soon as you can.
posted by COD at 12:49 PM on May 17, 2012
As soon as I saw the red flags in my new job I started saving. Just to be sure, because I already had a bad feeling about the place from day one, but I was broke and needed the job for the money. I took three different posts within the same organisation (*not sure if that would be possible for you in IT) to try to separate which parts of the job I really hated, and which parts were tainted by association. I applied to other jobs in the same city, talked to a couple of recruiters and kept note of the good work I was doing so I could remember it for interviews. I never got any of those jobs but I do know people who left the same toxic environment that way.
In the evening i gave myself permission to be less than perfect (ranting to a few friends, eating wahtever I felt like, not doing any housework, skipping the gym) - anything to help me cope better. During the day I made sure I physically got off the premises for my lunch break (usually went to a nearby park) to detox. Sometimes I wrote a diary of my frustrations, and I talked to the union about one of my concerns (to no avail.) Watching the bank balance growing kept me going. I hated it, but I said I wouldn't let it defeat me because I wouldn't give those b*tards the satisfaction
Finally when I had enough money I applied for and took career break leave (*I was lucky that my organisation had this, and that I had a plausible cover story) but if I couldn't have done that I would have resigned. (*I am bloody-minded like that!) I never felt so good as the day I walked out of there. I had no idea how bad that place was for me until I left and I feel so much better. Family and friends who saw me weeks later said they could see it all over me. It's been a few months and I do not regret it at all. I started studying for my next phase of my career so I haven't looked at jobs much yet, but I am convinced that even if I end up stacking shelves til I find something decent I know I will have done the right thing. I keep imagining to myself what would have happened to me had I stayed....
I hope you find a solution!!
posted by EatMyHat at 2:13 PM on May 17, 2012
In the evening i gave myself permission to be less than perfect (ranting to a few friends, eating wahtever I felt like, not doing any housework, skipping the gym) - anything to help me cope better. During the day I made sure I physically got off the premises for my lunch break (usually went to a nearby park) to detox. Sometimes I wrote a diary of my frustrations, and I talked to the union about one of my concerns (to no avail.) Watching the bank balance growing kept me going. I hated it, but I said I wouldn't let it defeat me because I wouldn't give those b*tards the satisfaction
Finally when I had enough money I applied for and took career break leave (*I was lucky that my organisation had this, and that I had a plausible cover story) but if I couldn't have done that I would have resigned. (*I am bloody-minded like that!) I never felt so good as the day I walked out of there. I had no idea how bad that place was for me until I left and I feel so much better. Family and friends who saw me weeks later said they could see it all over me. It's been a few months and I do not regret it at all. I started studying for my next phase of my career so I haven't looked at jobs much yet, but I am convinced that even if I end up stacking shelves til I find something decent I know I will have done the right thing. I keep imagining to myself what would have happened to me had I stayed....
I hope you find a solution!!
posted by EatMyHat at 2:13 PM on May 17, 2012
I bailed after 3 months of Hell, working for Satan.
I was then unemployed for 9 months, at which point I took two unpaid internships for another 10 months, finally getting a real job about a year ago. Unemployment was hell, and I did a LOT of financial freaking out over the 18 months or so of not having an income and watching my savings quickly going down the drain. But in the end I think I did the right thing. The financial pains were more than offset by the emotional gains.
posted by johngumbo at 2:54 PM on May 17, 2012
I was then unemployed for 9 months, at which point I took two unpaid internships for another 10 months, finally getting a real job about a year ago. Unemployment was hell, and I did a LOT of financial freaking out over the 18 months or so of not having an income and watching my savings quickly going down the drain. But in the end I think I did the right thing. The financial pains were more than offset by the emotional gains.
posted by johngumbo at 2:54 PM on May 17, 2012
I had made a two-year commitment and was dead-set on keeping that commitment even though the workplace was toxic to the point that it badly affected my health and my relationships to be so completely unhappy, overloaded, and demoralized for months on end.
Ultimately I gave notice to that boss about two months in advance that I would be leaving when my two-year commitment was up. I didn't know what I'd do next but knew I had to leave. (I realize that length of notice is weird; academic hiring is super-slow and I didn't want to leave the rest of my group in the lurch. Plus it's not like it would have been a *bad* thing to be told "okay, then leave right now instead.")
As soon as word got out, someone I had worked with in that position pulled me aside and let me know how much they had appreciated the caliber of my work, and that they were starting up a new project and wanted the chance to convince me to join them in a position created for me. They were very convincing, the offer was great, and I was employed again as soon as I wanted to be. (I intentionally took a month off between jobs to spend some time tending to my sleep schedule, starting to exercise again, and generally getting my head back on straight. That was an excellent luxury that I'd recommend if it's affordable, even if it's just a few days off rather than a big long stretch of time.)
It was basically the perfect ideal of how that situation could have gone. Looking back, part of me wishes I'd left much sooner, but then the excellent timing for my new job wouldn't have worked. So I'm happy with how that all played out.
I would note that this all happened basically right before the economy imploded. In the same situation now, I would probably not leave without something else guaranteed. But I probably also would have started looking sooner rather than stick out some dumb idea of honoring my commitment to someone who could not have cared less about their treatment of me as an employee.
posted by Stacey at 5:32 PM on May 17, 2012
Ultimately I gave notice to that boss about two months in advance that I would be leaving when my two-year commitment was up. I didn't know what I'd do next but knew I had to leave. (I realize that length of notice is weird; academic hiring is super-slow and I didn't want to leave the rest of my group in the lurch. Plus it's not like it would have been a *bad* thing to be told "okay, then leave right now instead.")
As soon as word got out, someone I had worked with in that position pulled me aside and let me know how much they had appreciated the caliber of my work, and that they were starting up a new project and wanted the chance to convince me to join them in a position created for me. They were very convincing, the offer was great, and I was employed again as soon as I wanted to be. (I intentionally took a month off between jobs to spend some time tending to my sleep schedule, starting to exercise again, and generally getting my head back on straight. That was an excellent luxury that I'd recommend if it's affordable, even if it's just a few days off rather than a big long stretch of time.)
It was basically the perfect ideal of how that situation could have gone. Looking back, part of me wishes I'd left much sooner, but then the excellent timing for my new job wouldn't have worked. So I'm happy with how that all played out.
I would note that this all happened basically right before the economy imploded. In the same situation now, I would probably not leave without something else guaranteed. But I probably also would have started looking sooner rather than stick out some dumb idea of honoring my commitment to someone who could not have cared less about their treatment of me as an employee.
posted by Stacey at 5:32 PM on May 17, 2012
Currently I am on two weeks leave, recommended by my GP and therapist, possibly heading out to four. And I've got a date that if I don't have a new job, I'll quit. I can do that thanks to savings, and my partner will head back out to work while I stay at home with our kid. And now we're working on what we need to do so I can get through the next few months without another minor breakdown (my partner was dropping me off for the train station and I started crying and couldn't stoop so he turned the car around and made me go to the doctor). My workplace is toxic for the same reasons - and my boss is a big believer in why ask a question when you could accuse someone instead.
Finding another job in my field is exacerbated by the prevailing management theory in my state being "why hire permanent when you can have an endless series of contracts and casuals?" and a huge culture of internal hiring only (as in entry level, temporary or casual, internally advertised only). I've been looking, and applying, with a few interviews, but nothing so far. Which is why we've got a date set now. Just waiting to get a new job has gone from finding the right job, to finding any job, to a point where I am increasingly skeptical of mu ability to get a job thanks to the aforementioned supervisor's attitude to training and support. My self esteem is shot, my health is getting worse, my training is going to waste and the longer I am in this job the worse it will get. I've stuck it tout for as long as I could (longer than I should have) and it's now hampering my ability to get myself out of the situation.
So my advice is do not wait until you are sick, or drinking too much, or considering suicide, or so defeated you can't even get yourself out. No workplace is owed that much of yourself. Work out what is feasible in your future for hiring. Is it really difficult to get a job doing what you do? That will complicate everything. Is it easier? Is this job adversely impacting your ability to get another job? Keep all of that in mind before you make a decision.
posted by geek anachronism at 9:18 PM on May 17, 2012
Finding another job in my field is exacerbated by the prevailing management theory in my state being "why hire permanent when you can have an endless series of contracts and casuals?" and a huge culture of internal hiring only (as in entry level, temporary or casual, internally advertised only). I've been looking, and applying, with a few interviews, but nothing so far. Which is why we've got a date set now. Just waiting to get a new job has gone from finding the right job, to finding any job, to a point where I am increasingly skeptical of mu ability to get a job thanks to the aforementioned supervisor's attitude to training and support. My self esteem is shot, my health is getting worse, my training is going to waste and the longer I am in this job the worse it will get. I've stuck it tout for as long as I could (longer than I should have) and it's now hampering my ability to get myself out of the situation.
So my advice is do not wait until you are sick, or drinking too much, or considering suicide, or so defeated you can't even get yourself out. No workplace is owed that much of yourself. Work out what is feasible in your future for hiring. Is it really difficult to get a job doing what you do? That will complicate everything. Is it easier? Is this job adversely impacting your ability to get another job? Keep all of that in mind before you make a decision.
posted by geek anachronism at 9:18 PM on May 17, 2012
This thread is closed to new comments.
One thing that works in both situations is to outline problems in writing to management. Move up the chain CCing the next rung each time until you reach the top. If these communications don't get a response or an improper response the next step is to obtain counsel and file a more formal grievance with authorities, unions, and/or Courts.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 9:57 AM on May 17, 2012