What advice to give to my fiance, who is in law school and in a bad place?
April 21, 2012 8:14 PM Subscribe
My fiance is not speaking to me. We are in a long-distance relationship. He is depressed, has ADHD, a probable gaming addiction, and not doing well in law school. How can I help him?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (23 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
I'm posting anonymously since these are details that are pretty specific to my fiance and our relationship, but I will try my best to answer any follow-up questions.
My fiance and I have been together for over seven years. We dated in high school and went to different colleges. So we've been in a long distance relationship for most of our time together. I'm currently 5 hours away from him by bus.
He is in a bad place right now, and has been like this for some time. So he's in his second year of law school. This semester, he was diagnosed with depression and ADHD, and currently taking medication (I'm afraid I can't remember this medication). For a few weeks, he seemed to be happier and more willing to do schoolwork and look for jobs for the summer. However, his most recent email to me stated that he doesn't think the medicine is working.
He is also ignoring me, and that recent email came today. We haven't spoken in almost 2 weeks. He doesn't reply to my emails or answer my calls. He does this periodically, so this isn't new.
I'm also of the belief that he is playing video games instead of studying or seeking the help he needs. He is very fond of Star Wars: The Old Republic, Steam, etc.
He is getting help, and I know depression takes time to overcome (I have been there), but apparently my powers of empathy and compassion just aren't enough to reach out to him. I have no idea what to do at this point. I'm almost ready to end things, but I've tried to before at various points, and I just don't think he'll buy it. I'm also afraid of his relative fragility, and what might happen if you break up with a depressed person.
At this point I'm just ready to help him as a friend, but I'm not sure what to do anymore. I have tried to sit with him as he does work to make sure he concentrates and doesn't browse Reddit. I have tried making schedules with him (never works). I agreed to move in with him this fall to placate him, but I don't think that is sufficient motivation anymore.
What advice would you give my fiance, if you were his friend? How can I help him? Should I even help him?
Thanks in advance.