I'm a female with no game trying to decipher the latest chapter in a lengthy saga with a guy I'm interested in. Talk some sense into me one way or another.
Well, I'm back. I am the woman who posted the following question months ago: Previous chapter
By now, I'm sure most would think this had been resolved one way or another, but between my lack of game, courage, and general confusion, the situation is still a little bit in limbo.
I apologize in advance for the length, but here goes. In March, a male friend of mine that I am very interested in attended a work event that I was heading in Europe. we are in connected lines of work, however, it is not something he normally would attend. He requested the invitation and stated that it would allow us to spend extended time together.
March came and we still met at this conference, but his trip was drastically shortened by his employer because he was asked to leave early for another business trip. So, we only ended up spending a couple of hours together one evening (and that meeting was "crashed" by one of his coworkers) and one additional evening together. There were a lot of hints that there may be something going on both in a phone call before the trip and during the evening we spent alone together (he queried friends in advance about where to go, picked a rather scenic location, again paid for everything, seemed flirtatious, stayed out so late with me that he only got 3 hours of sleep before having to get up and fly to his next location, called me in the morning to make sure I got up in time for my work), but ultimately, I completely failed in sharing my feelings and the opportunity came and went. Yes, I was mad at myself and I purposely didn't update this site because I didn't think update was worthwhile.
Fast forward to the most recent interaction. So, my "friend' had made arrangements to come to my city again this month for work and that trip was to be adjacent to a single day off that he would have on a Monday. So, i took the day off and the plan was we would hang out on the Sun (after his work activities were over) and again on Mon. Sun, we got together for dinner and have a great time. I felt like there was flirting on both sides (and I'm a horrible flirt), our conversations seemed to be at a deeper level, and we just seemed to have a great vibe/chemistry/connection. We shared a bottle of wine, so I was also a bit more relaxed by the end of dinner.
Post-dinner, we went to a bar. Our close interaction continued and we added to it by whispering to one another, touching more (just one the arms, really), and talking a bit more in depth. I was really focused on moving the situation forward, so when we got to talking about what we want in the future and whether he is ready to "settle down" (his words, not mine), I perked up. "So, you said you are not ready to settle down. Does that mean you don't see a relationship or family in your life in the future?" And he said, "not at all. I just mean I'm not ready to pick a place to live and stop traveling. But, I think the woman I end up with will be someone who also enjoys traveling and is also open to living in different places." So, I ask, "what other characteristics are you looking for in someone?" He starts describing who he would like (description fit me and often things listed were things I actually said) then asks me the same. AS I'm describing what I want, he's agreeing, saying he wants that too, etc. Then I add, "The only fear I have is that I become ridiculously shy about sharing my feelings once there is someone I'm interested in, so I'm worried that a great person who meets all of these criteria is going to pass me by because I can't get up the courage to tell them I'm interested. I wish I could be bolder and say how I feel, but if I even get close, I can't go all the way." He expressed surprise about this and seemed a little quiet.
On the way back to his hotel, he keeps talking about how much fun he had and how he's looking forward to tomorrow. When we get back to the hotel, he eventually leans in to hug me and then gives me a kiss on the neck (upper part near the ear). Then he rushes out of the car, says he'll call me in the morning and that he hopes I don't "ignore his call."
OK, so this seemed like progress to me and I felt the stage was set to be completely honest the next day. So, why am I writing this? Well, the next day, strangely enough, things seem to be off. We spent about 9 hours together, but from the start, it was like we weren't connecting as much. This is not to say we didn't have fun at any point or that we didn't talk, but we just didn't have the same energy between us. Part of this may have been linked to all the false starts with plans. It was raining on and off, so we couldn't do any of the outdoor things we planned, another place we wanted to go was closed. But, we did have some good moments - cracking up about a book that we found in a store (and he bought me said book), talking about some personal details related to his family and mine, etc. But yeah, I felt like we were both tired and dragging and I was distracted by the death of a friend's father the night before (which I didn't mention to him in an effort to keep the day light and fun, but probably should have). I did ask him if he was ok though and he said he was having fun and was happy to have a day off that was relaxed and spent with good company.
So, a few other notes: I always offer to pay and he never lets me, but at dinner and drinks that night he quickly agreed we could split the check. I don't mind, but I mention it because it was a change. He was also less touchy with me on the second day too. FInally, when I'm bringing him back to his hotel, we discuss when we might see each other again. He notes that he has a trip back to the US in June and will try to coordinate his flight so he can have a day in my city on the way out of back. Then it's time to say goodbye. We go to hug and I kiss him in the same place he kissed me the night before. I don't think he was going to kiss me again, but guess what? Well, this hug occured in the car and while the car was in park, the engine was running and I accidentally pressed the accelerater, which revved the engine right at the moment I kissed him and we both started and broke apart. He then says, "Well, on that note, I guess I'll go" and that was the end of it. I was so thrown off by the whole things that I didn't have the presence of mind to get things out before he left the car.
I'm so frustrated I decide to send him a text when I get back to say a bit more. I won't detail all of it, but I thanked him for a fun two days, said I really appreciated the efforts he's made to stay in touch and see me, and said "I hope you know how much I really like you and enjoy seeing you (and I wish I could say more than that) " and signed, "xo, superfille" The parenthetical statement, while cowardly, was a referral to my statement on Sun about how I had trouble coming clean about my interest, so I thought he would pick that up quickly.
Well, I haven't gotten a response to the text.
SO, here's my question. I have two friends that say I should end it here and if he never writes back, so be it. And then i have one friend and one family member saying the email was still too ambigious and other parts were rather unfamiliar and formal and I should consider reaching out via email (or even better, by phone!) and being more direct and honest. I'm inclined to think I put myself out there already in my text, he knows exactly what I meant, and that's why i haven't heard from him. Thus, this is the end of the line.
That brings me to my question, hive mind. What would you do? Write again? Realize you've said enough, anyone can understand what I meant in the text, and call it quits? Also, any insights as to what happened between Sun and Mon that seemingly changed his interest level?