I love someone who can't show up. Ouch.
April 17, 2012 11:25 AM Subscribe
I love someone who can't show up for me now. Any insight?
posted by dolce_voce to human relations (25 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
I was dating someone earlier this year and we both really, deeply liked and saw tremendous potential in each other.
He had to end things a little over a month ago due to reasons in his own life that had nothing to do with me (his health). The last day we saw each other, he told me before he left that he was still very attracted to me and that I was an exceptional and beautiful person. We are deeply compatible in longer term ways, and in the immediate sense, it isn't a good match.
I *know* that we aren't good for each other right now -- I can't take on being with someone who isn't ready to meet me as an equal and he has a lot of healing to do on his own.
Still, I find myself thinking about him every day, missing him, talking myself through it and writing to get more comfortable with the reality of how things are now, crying when I need to, and looking at his facebook account like a creep (we aren't friends on facebook). He has told me that he doesn't want us to contact each other any more because he is overwhelmed with his own stuff and couldn't support me with mine.
I have a few guys who have asked me on dates and I find that I just miss this one fellow and want him still, am uninterested in anyone else.
It could literally be years before he is ready to be with me. I don't want to sacrifice myself during this time, whether he comes back or not... and a part of me feels that there is something worth honoring between us. I find myself wondering if he feels the same way, if any part of him is holding on to the hope that we could some day be together after he has gotten better.
Any words of wisdom on this?