It's all in my head, I think. Questions about signals I thought were being sent by a woman I have strong feelings for. (..a little long)
posted by Guyatoffice to human relations (23 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
For a long time I have had this female friend, and for a good majority of this time I was in a long term relationship with another woman. That relationship has since ended (three years ago). For the past three years I have hung out with my female friend several times (she lives out of the area), we talk frequently though. There have been times we from my perspective that we have been flirting back and forth and body language seemed to confirm this, lots of playful physical touching etc. These times though always seem to be at awkward settings, like large group Christmas parties, or other events were things cannot progress further. For some reason the talking seems to subside after these meetings, she seems to pull back. Then for what appears to be no reason what so ever, she starts texting me, or calling more more again about 6 months later. During these times I would often offer to drive to were she lived to come visit, for an afternoon or whatever just to hangout. She would often say yes, then cancel at the last moment. This went on for prob the first two years after my breakup with my ex. In fact in two years, I only went to visit her once, because all the other times she canceled the visit. Then last year, I was talking to her, and mentioned that I was going to this party and she insisted that she really wanted to go, she did, drove the couple hours from where she lives to go and basically spent the whole time attached me. Unfortunately by this time I had given up on making something happen with her because of her hot and cold cycles. Well by the end of the evening we were laughing having a great time and just hanging out, flirting, getting physically close everything seemed great. She repeatedly told me how much she missed me, and wanted to me to come visit her and stay for a weekend.... So I thought, well maybe she means it. So the party ended, she had to go home (legit reasons) and I had work. Well needless to say the cycle repeated, she got distant again, didn't respond to my messages on FB, or texting very often and when she did respond there was never any acknowledgement that there had been a long gap. I was very confused again. A few months go by, she was in town again and we hung out with a group of friend, and after some drinking and a pack of smokes, most of them had left and the rest were passed out. She and I were just on the back porch sitting up against each other looking at the stars doing out best to be as cliche and B movie and possible. The whole eyes looking at each others mouths thing was starting to happen, and this exact moment our mutual friend decides to have an existential breakdown and comes crashing through the deck door drunk as f* and ... you get the idea.
Another missed opportunity. So a couple month ago, I went and visited her again, we both got hammered. I blacked out, completely. The last thing I remember I was kissing her. We both woke up in her bed fully clothed. Initially neither of us had any idea what happened. We were hanging out in her kitchen and she turned red and started asking my if I remembered anything crazy form the night before. I sad no at first, I really didn't. After a couple hours, It came to me and we both were smiling, and acting like a couple of high-school kids (we're in our late 20's). She confirmed that what I had remembered was what she remembered. So we kept talking and trying to remember what all took place, but no luck. Needless to say I was making attempts to move physically close to her casually during conversation, to see if she take a step in mine. Just trying to gauge things. I joking asked if she pushed me away or hit me when I kissed her, she smiled and said no..... however every time I moved close to her, she backed off. Skipping a bunch of more awkward detail, that is essentially a repeat of what I just typed. I was driving home later that day, I called her on my way home and told her that I've always had feelings for her and that's why I kissed her, not because I was drunk. I wanted to tell her that in person but her awkwardness was throwing me off. She responded with..."I don't want to sound like I'm not listening ... but um and don't take this the wrong way ..I just found out my dog is dying and I am very upset". No sh*. Conversation raps up with her. Several hours later, its all over FB, he dog is in fact dead and she is in fact very upset. Me and her have spoken since then, but nothing on the subject of my feelings or hers if there are any.
I guess I'm posting this because I'm just curious what other people would think about this. I'm basically done, the ball is in her court right? I feel that either, I have imagined all that I thought I saw as signals from her, or she did make them but for whatever reason it's just not happening and I have no idea why.