My best friend and I keep having drama in our friendship because of feelings. I had feelings for him, but he says he just wanted to stay friends. I told him I needed space to get rid of my feelings so we can stay friends. But he won't let me. He keeps bringing me back into his life. Even when he said he was starting a relationship with someone else. What do I do?
Back in the summer
, I told my friend I had feelings for him, but he made it clear that he just wanted to stay friends and was not ready for a commitment. The rest is kinda complicated, so bare with me as I give some context :)
So what I did was cut off contact with him for a month. It was hard to do, but I did it. Eventually after a month he kept calling me and telling me how much he missed me and wanted me back in his life. And I told him I still wasn't ready to be friends and I still had feelings for him. But he kept inserting himself in my life and eventually we started seeing one another frequently and hanging out like old times. It was going well, although the feelings never went away completely and were still lingering in the background.
However, a couple months ago we got into a dumb argument
and stopped speaking for a little while. I apologized for my part in the argument, but he still didn't want to speak with me. He eventually reached out to me and wanted to be friends again a few weeks later. However, I told him that's it, I don't wanna be friends again. This is because I knew I still had feelings for him and it would keep causing drama.
I ended up seeing him at an event and he basically took me by the hand and to a corner and told me he loves me and and begged me to be his friend again. He apologized and said he needed me in his life. I tried to stand my ground but it was hard to say no to that face. He visited me after work one day and we had a talk about our argument and resolved things. We got really close, as in hugging, cuddling and he gave me a kiss (not on the lips), but he's a pretty conservative guy when it comes to showing affection and he was showing me a lot of it. I felt that he had feelings for me. I just felt it.
But two days later, he calls me and tells me he's getting involved in a relationship with another woman. I was very upset. He was very angry at me for being upset! He said I should at least try to pretend I was happy for him. I said I can't pretend to be happy when I still have feelings. I told him that I could no longer be friends with him and wished him the best. He was really angry, upset, and sent me really mean messages saying he'd never forgive me. He blocked me from Twitter, Facebook, and Gchat. So dramatic :/
I was really sad and frustrated, but I knew I had to move on. I focused on myself and my health (I've been having a bit of health issues). I focused on eating right, working out, hanging out with other friends and just focusing on other things. I still thought about him and memories of good times together every day, but I channeled my sadness into more positive things. I lost weight, looked better, was overall happy although I really missed him and cared for him.
He eventually contacted me about a project (we work in the same volunteer org) and asked me to help. He did apologize to me about not taking my feelings into consideration when he snapped at me after he told me he's gonna be in a relationship, but he informed me that he had no intention of being friends again but wanted to continue a professional relationship. I said that's fine as long as we keep personal distance. We did, until he started becoming overbearing. He'd text me about this or that question, and if I didn't respond immediately, he'd think I was ignoring him on purpose. He monitored my Twitter, even though he blocked me, and would ask me why I was tweeting but not responding to his emails. It was annoying to say the least and I informed him I'd no longer work with him if he continued that behavior because I felt like he was mixing his personal emotions and not being professional. He promised he'd stop and we finished out project. I thought that was that.
I saw him at yet another event a few weeks ago and he kept trying to talk to me. I kept it short. He later texted me trying to make small talk and I responded minimally. He eventually said he really missed me and wanted to be friends again. I told him maybe in the future, but I'm not ready right now. He unblocked me on chat, FB, Twitter and followed me/friend requested me. I decided I'd keep a friendly distance from him because I didn't want there to be animosity between us so I accepted his request and respond to his texts occasionally.
Well, yesterday, he asked me out for dinner. I told him that given our history and that he's in another relationship, I don't think we should go out alone together. He told me he's actually not in that relationship anymore and he'd really like it if we can go to dinner (for his birthday). I told him I wasn't aware of that and might be able to have dinner with him if that was the case.
We still haven't finalized any plans or anything, but I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I don't wanna go through all the heartache again, but to be honest I still have feelings for him that are really strong. Despite all the drama, he's a very caring, funny, good-hearted guy and we have this undeniably strong connection. I would love to work things out and be with him. Part of me wants to use this dinner date as a way to talk about our feelings again, haha. But I'm afraid that he still wants me in the friend zone and it's just gonna break my heart again. I know in my heart of hearts he has feelings for me, but I know he's either confused or doesn't want to do anything about it. I'm not sure what to do. Any advice on this? I'm just so confused.