I'm never wrong, you're never right
March 15, 2012 11:46 AM Subscribe
is it a red flag if a person never thinks they're wrong?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (66 answers total) 26 users marked this as a favorite
I'm in a (good to great) relationship with a guy I love. He's funny, brilliant, interesting, and kind—after three years, I still think talking to him is the single best way I can spend my time, and think he's the hottest thing in pants.
HOWEVER. When we fight, it's terrible. I don't feel like we're people who love each other trying to reach a solution, I feel like he's just interested in winning or making me feel like crap. He very, very seldom owns his part in anything that ever goes wrong between us, like, he has done so maybe three times in three years. And I've started noticing that he interacts with the world this way, too—everything that goes wrong is always someone else's fault, never a result of something he did. Honest mistakes are interpreted as someone deliberately trying to screw him. Sometimes he tells me about a situation he ran into that day—an argument with a clerk somewhere, or something—expecting me to be indignant on his behalf, but even in his version of the events it always sounds to me like he misinterpreted/escalated a situation that could have been smoothed over easily.
He's not getting into fights or disrupting our lives with this tendency, but I'm starting to wonder if this is normal or not. I've always been someone who is quick to apologize/feel guilt, even when something isn't my fault, and I spend a lot of time thinking about other people's sides of things. I know this isn't necessarily good, either. But is the way my guy behaves just how confident, normal people behave? Or is it a red flag? If it's bad, do you have any ideas on how to broach this with him? I want our difficult interactions to be more successful, and I want his life to generally be less stressful, too.