I should be able to handle this. Right?

March 5, 2012 4:21 AM

How do I stop panicking about my new responsibilities at work?

I (female, mid-twenties) have been at my job for the last three years. It is well-paid work in a young, trendy field. The work itself is not how I would ideally spend my time, but it is valuable experience that will eventually help me to net a job that I love in a related field. I have always been anxious about my job performance, but have never received any negative feedback.

Until recently my role and influence has been limited in scope. I had a day-to-day routine, and I liked it. But the company has recently received a big cash injection and is expanding rapidly, particularly in my area. They expensed a trip to an industry event last year, where I met someone who would be interested in organising an event with my company. I mentioned this to my supervisor, who liked the idea and broached it with colleagues from other departments. They were enthusiastic and had lots of ideas about how the event concept could be expanded. What started out as a small workshop has turned into a bilingual half-day conference, including a panel discussion led by yours truly.

I am terrified. I feel like I didn't really know what I was getting myself into when I first mentioned this. Now my colleagues are looking for my approval on locations and participants and marketing initiatives. I am not completely clueless - I have ideas and opinions, but I can't guarantee that I know what's best for the company. I agreed to lead a panel because I don't mind public speaking and I think I know how to prepare myself for such a task, but I'm scared that I'm kidding myself and will fail. I feel a lot of pressure for this event to work out, because it will reflect so much on me.

Before each meeting that we have had to organise this event, I have felt sick to my stomach. Afterwards, I have felt great because it usually went well. My colleagues all know I'm inexperienced in this area, and no one seems to think I'm out of my depth. They have welcomed a number of my suggestions. So I feel like my mind is playing tricks on me. On the one hand, I feel like I have the skills to pull this off, and the support of experienced colleagues. On the other hand, I feel terrified that I'm delusional, and that my colleagues' support will wain as we start to realise the project, not just plan it. How am I supposed to know if I can truly handle everything if I don't know exactly what lies ahead?

Does anyone have advice on how to deal with a sudden increase in responsibility at work? How do you quieten that voice of self-doubt? How best to seem confident and in control even when you don't feel it?

In case it's relevant, I have a history of anxiety and OCD, and am currently in classic psychoanalytic therapy to help deal with problems with my parents. I mentioned this work-panic-thing to my therapist, but our discussion was uncharacteristically unhelpful, and I'm not sure how to broach it again.

Many thanks in advance for all your thoughts!

posted by guessthis to human relations (7 answers total)

This may sound trite, but "fake it 'til you make it".

It sounds like you are competent at this work and doing well despite your doubts. I've been in similar situations, where I am doing work that I am capable of, but not fully experienced at, completing. I will constantly have doubts about what I am doing. I generally take a deep breath and just focus on doing a good job. When I feel especially out of my depth, I will warn the people that I work with that I am not quite comfortable with some aspect of a project and ask for help. This tends to give them more faith in my abilities and my ability to learn and adapt. I bet the same will be true in your case as well.
posted by chiefthe at 5:02 AM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

Right not, you're the best person to handle this job.
Handle it.
If there's something you don't know, ask somebody.
It definitely doesn't sound like you're in over your head - just that you're unused to the work.
posted by entropone at 5:03 AM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

If your OCD is a serious issue, I'd recommend getting the OCD Workbook. It'll be one of the best purchases you've ever made. The introductory chapter should help set you up on a path to reducing your OCD. You may need a therapist that is specifically equipped to handle OCD patients (It's definitely not something that every therapist knows how to deal with).

My second bit of advice is delegate, delegate, delegate. If you're in charge of this, make sure you're not doing all the work yourself. Spread the tasks out. Even if you feel that you're the most qualified for all the tasks on an individual basis, your main job is to make sure work gets done. Don't worry about getting everything perfect. If you've got -experienced- colleagues, then your job is a lot easier. Take a deep breath and know that, at the end of the day, you've got a bunch of people who will get the work done.

Will you make mistakes? Absolutely. Accept this as an inevitability. The best employees are ones that make mistakes and learn from them.

If you feel physically ill, I've found that peppermint tea helps me relax, YMMV. If you're a coffee drinker, cut out the coffee prior to meetings.

good luck!
posted by lemuring at 5:05 AM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

I handle this problem by acting. I imagine someone very experienced and knowledgeable, who is confident and in control, and I then put on an act and pretend to be this person.

After all, whether you are confident or not, other people are looking to you to behave with confidence. Of course, it's fine to confidently outsource some part of the planning to someone that has better skills than you for getting it done. It's also fine to confidently solicit everyone else's ideas and opinions, and kind of "coach" them towards a solution that everyone is happy with. It's also fine to spend time researching what similar things other people have done, and to call up the organisers of other conferences and ask them for their advice.

If your idea doesn't work out perfectly in the end, try not to feel (or behave) like a dog that got kicked, but frame it to yourself and others as a learning experience for the organisation and for everyone involved, and help everyone look for opportunities to build on the experience and manufacture opportunities for the organisation.
posted by emilyw at 5:06 AM on March 5, 2012

"Fake it till you make it" is the best advice, so I'd like to Nth that. The best thing you can do is just get in there and get things done, and accept that a few of those things will be wrong. But that's how we learn - you mentioned "valuable experience" in your firs paragraph, and the most valuable type of experience you can get is leading new projects, even if there are bumps along the way.

I would add one thing while you're "faking it" - are you talking to your boss? I don't mean telling your boss how overwhelmed you feel, but just regular (ideally, weekly) status updates to let your boss know what you've done and what decisions you're making (especially those that you feel are a little beyond you). This gives your supervisor a chance to guide in case you're headed in the wrong direction, and also lets them know that you are taking on a lot of responsibility. This also comes with a corollary - if you need help, ask for it. Either you'll get help, or at least you'll CYA. Looking back at the projects that really challenged me, my biggest regret is not asking for help early on when I felt lost. If I had gotten the help, great - that would have made things go more smoothly. If I had not gotten the help, at least I could have said "I asked for help, and when it was not forthcoming I did the best I could on my own." Not to freak you out - it sounds to me like you're doing fine and are just experiencing a lot of anxiety. But sometimes the organization needs you to know when to ask for help.
posted by Tehhund at 5:31 AM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

I have ideas and opinions, but I can't guarantee that I know what's best for the company.

Don't worry about it, it doesn't have to be perfect. You have a bit more responsibility, but not to the degree that you're anxious about. It appears to me what you're seeing is the guts of the operation of your company: people love to have meetings. Don't let the morass of planning decisions sway you from your public speaking skills, I intuit that they are unrelated. I would actually spend my concern here asking people what has gone wrong at events like these (which you may already know having been there for a few years) and just avoid those. Someone is coming to you with ideas for locations? "Are any better than the others? Which do you think is best? Let's go with that, then." Boom, you get to finish peeing in peace.
posted by rhizome at 9:17 AM on March 5, 2012

I feel ya, guessthis.

It sounds like you're a good fit for the role, and have the support of your colleagues. It's been said before, but you don't have to be perfect, or know everything. Something that has helped me has been to watch someone I think is good at their job, and make note of how they handle things when they don't know something, or muck something up. If you become more confident that mistakes or not knowing something isn't the end of the world, everything else will get a bit easier.

Something else that may help is to keep a journal or designate a time in the day to remind yourself of everything you handled well that day, no matter how trivial. I use my walk home from the train station for this. Collect evidence that you are a competent and capable person, and this will help counter the nagging voice of self-doubt.
posted by Elcee at 3:20 PM on March 5, 2012