How do I stop hating myself for being a bad person?
March 4, 2012 1:55 PM Subscribe
How do I stop being a bad person?
posted by jeudi to Health & Fitness (28 answers total) 22 users marked this as a favorite
I feel like a terrible person and like I am constantly disappointing people. I hate myself. These things go through my head constantly - I am always feeling bad or regretful about something I have done, whether it is the fact that I haven't gotten dressed yet today or a way I embarrassed myself several years ago. I hate being myself - I want either to die or to unzip my skin and step out, become a new person entirely. I failed my most recent semester of college because I couldn't get myself to go to my one class or do any work. I am supposedly taking this semester off to "get better", but it doesn't feel like anything is getting any better. I sit in the dark and refresh Tumblr, or I drink in the middle of the day, or I look at what my friends from college are doing and feel awful that I am not/cannot do those things. All I want to do is sleep so that I don't have to keep thinking about what a horrible person I am. But I have people who love me and who want me to be happy and alive, I just... don't know how to get to that point.
I know people will tell me to go to therapy. When I came home at Christmas, I saw my family doctor and he prescribed me citalopram and referred me to a local psychologist. I have been scheduled for two appointments and missed both of them. Up until the day of both appointments I thought I was ready to go see her and get better, but before I have to leave I chicken out because I feel like she won't be able to really help me. I feel like a complete abyss of a human being and I don't really know an hour of talking per week will help me overcome that. (And previous experiences with therapy have been along the lines of... I feel really great and hopeful during and immediately after the session, but the rest of the week sends me back to normal.)
I suppose what I am asking is, how do I stop hating myself? How do I get myself to a place where I can do productive things like get dressed and clean my room and even go to class, so that I can feel good about myself? I do not know if this community can help me, even, and this whole question is pretty tl;dr, but I don't know where else to turn.