How to accept or help a SO with adult ADD?
February 13, 2012 3:59 PM Subscribe
The guy I am dating has unusual tendencies, is this a part of his ADD? Or his quirkiness? How should I approach the subject?
posted by Chelsaroo650 to human relations (75 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
I have officially moved on from the previous situation I was in and am very glad I have done so, I have been seeing a therapist and have no contact whatsoever with the last jerk I was dating who was completely not worthy of my time or sympathy. Thank you all for the kick in the pants and all of the support.
That being said, I have been dating a new guy for about a month and a half now. He is the polar opposite of the last guy I was with. He is an extrovert, always talking and chatting. He is openly emotional, affectionate, and isn't afraid to give compliments or receive them. When I first met him, I thought he was confident, composed, and very well-spoken. The well-spoken part is still true it's just the confident and composed that I believe changed for me.
He is almost 25 and only just got his license a year ago and his own car a month ago. He had only had three girlfriends, and was a virgin up until last year. He is dreadfully shaky in intimate situations, is high strung, and will obsess over bad luck occurrences for hours and days. He is nervous very easily. His family has quite a bit of money and mine does not, which can sometimes cause friction between us because I have had dramatically difference experiences in life than he has. He doesn't understand that families can be dysfunctional. Nor does he understand poverty or people who budget constantly (because they have to or that's all they know how to do to live). He resents his stepmother for limiting his father's spending and hates her budgeting (even though it is more common/negative for women to be gold-diggers which he doesn't seem to acknowledge). At the same time, he is still polite and kind. This I'm sure can change if he is exposed to other people's circumstances and lifestyles. He's a college graduate which I can respect and he's looking for his first degree-level job. He was also a good student in college and vice president of a fraternity. There are just some things I have noticed though...
*When we go out to eat, he may forget to order a drink with his meal, or when he buys drinks at a casual restaurant he walks off before the cups are given to us... or when we go to Chipotle and just starting off in the line he mistakenly tells the girl when she asks him what he'd like... he says he'd like a medium drink (happened twice), not a burrito or tacos or whatever.
*He almost ran a red light just talking to me while driving, then a little after that a stop sign.
*We went to pick up a pizza after one of his first times coming out to visit me and he asked, just after we had left, if he needed to turn back into the pizza place's parking lot to go back to my house even though we had just been there.
*He was leaving my house after a snow storm and his windshield was covered in ice and snow so given a scraper, he says he didn't know how to use it and even holds it the wrong way (the handle part, not the flat part). Just seems common sense? Am I wrong?
*He doesn't know how to use his own oven (maybe this is a guy thing?) but put pizza rolls in the oven for 22 hours instead of 22 minutes and doesn't think anything of it when the buzzer doesn't go off.
*He grabbed a bowl of soup my sister had prepared (poured water into) but had not put in the microwave even though he watched her do it.
*We went to another restaurant and he finished ordering all of our food and then when the woman tells us the total... he just pulls out his wallet and hands it to her. ?!
Basically... I don't think this is "normal" and I think he could endanger himself if he doesn't pay attention to what he's doing. Also he has said a few questionable things without thinking which I have read can also be involved with ADD. Additionally, he has been driving as long as I have (since I got my license at 18 a year ago) and I am very comfortable driving while he is terrified of the highway. He says merging is frightening...
I honestly think some of it has been babying on his family's part. He has other people to make him food (his mother), drive him around (his brother, for a long time), so some of it I believe he's been too pampered. While most of it seems to me, to be linked to a very prominent case of ADD. Maybe also some compulsive issues? For instance, he weighed 140 lbs when we started dating. He is 6 feet tall. I weigh 145 and am considered thin.... at 5'4" which is very thin for him, obviously. Apparently he had been that way for nearly 4 years after becoming a serious jogger and severely limiting his calorie intake. His family finally got through to him to start gaining because they feared he was anorexic. Now he is 153 lbs and is still going. He has an extreme fear of being fat even though, upon seeing these "fat" photos, he was not and was not alarmed when he dropped to extreme lows.
How do I approach these concerns? Is this not something I should bring up? I feel like he needs it said to him, though. I do like him, he treats me very well... it's just that something feels amiss.