Requesting advice from sensible people: how to navigate sensitive dramatic issue
December 13, 2011 6:25 PM Subscribe
I had an abortion years ago. Now, years later, I am being accused of "faking" the abortion, and am being harassed via social media sites. Help me figure out how to navigate this situation with dignity and class.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (57 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
Recently, I became engaged to my partner and announced the engagement on social media sites. I thought this was going to be a really joyful time in my life, but instead, this announcement basically started a storm of anger and drama from some members of our extended social circle, mostly surrounding rumors about an abortion I had about three years ago. Mostly, these rumors seem to focus around my fiance's most recent ex before me, who seems to think that I faked the pregnancy and faked the abortion in order to get attention from others. I have not responded in anyway to her social media updates about me, but this is obviously very hurtful to me, because I have never faked anything - I actually was pregnant and did have to have an abortion three years ago. In the time since this abortion, I have spent a lot of time in therapy dealing with emotional fallout surrounding the procedure, which I thought only my closest friends knew about. After doing so much work to cope and move on from the procedure, I never thought that that hard work would be derailed by something like announcing my engagement.
Since this has begun, I have fallen into something like a depression. I have been crying intermittently, am unable to keep food down, and am constantly nervously shaking. I've lost weight and it is impacting my productivity at work, as well as my ability to get good sleep. My fiance and my friends really don't know what to do for me, besides telling me to ignore my fiance's ex, that the opinions of this woman are irrelevant, and so on and so forth. I have blocked my fiance's ex on all social media websites I am involved in, and yet, this is still a problem for me. Due to these statements, several mutual friends of the ex and myself have approached me to ask if I really had an abortion or not. The only thing that I have been able to do in order to defend myself is to explain the procedure in detail and open myself up completely to questions from others. However, I don't think this is good for my mental and emotional well-being, and I typically end up sobbing when I have to do this. I don't feel like I should have to defend myself from these sort of attacks, and I am really at a loss for what the "right" thing to do here. My fiance's ex is an extended member of our social circle who will not be going away anytime soon. We see her rarely at parties and she is always polite to my face, but is obviously very critical of me to others behind my back. I want to handle this in the most grown up, undramatic, classy way possible. Besides blocking the offending party and taking a break from social media, which I am already doing, what can I do to navigate this situation? Should I confront my fiance's ex face-to-face, or continue to ignore her? And what should I do when mutual friends approach me about this situation? We are all in our mid-to-late twenties, if that helps. Thank you all so much in advance for your answers.