I want to officially end a "friendship". I want to be mature about it...and I'd prefer to do it via email...
posted by anonymous to human relations (31 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
Quick back story:
We met in 1999, I was intern and she was doing grad work. I thought she was a bit on the abrasive/opinionated/even kind of bitchy side, but I overlooked it and we ended up hanging out over the summer, until she left to go back to finish school. We stayed in touch randomly throughout the years, mostly via email, sometimes phone call. She came across much nicer in emails and the couple of phone calls didn't seem that bad.
She came to visit me for a weekend about 3 years after we last saw each other (around 2002). Almost as soon as I picked her up from the airport, it dawned on me what a real bitch she really was. I was ready for her to leave almost before we got to my place. She was very high maintenance, nothing was comfortable enough for her in my little garage apartment (it was cramped, but clean), she complained about everything (allergies to my cat, allergies about food, what she couldn't eat, etc. she couldn't sleep well in my bed - I let her have the bed to herself while I took the loveseat; i.e., I bent over backwards to make sure she was comfy and not dying from allergies or anything. Also, she didn't tell me of her allergies beforehand, so I was immediately stressed when bombarded with all this). Anyway, I made it through the weekend without committing murder, she went home, and I pretty much realized that I was not interested in maintaining this long distance friendship.
Also, during her visit, she made some pretty crude remarks to me about gaining a little of weight in my belly(although I was in great shape), saying how only "stupid people watch certain movies" when a group of us were talking about those certain movies (no one said anything to her because I believe it was just one of those things, 'yep, she's a bitch, let's move on', and saying to me "see, that's your problem, anon, you ALWAYS sleep with guys too soon, that's why you ALWAYS end up having problems..." in the most shittiest/superior voice possible (when I was giving her an overview of a somewhat minor issue I was having with my bf at the time). I think I was just too much in shock to even react. That, and yes, at the time, I would admit that I was pretty spineless, had low self-esteem and shaky confidence, not to mention, a lack of ability to read people and defend myself against such comments. A toxic mixture for a friendship, however, I continued with the more passive way and simply tried to let it fizzle out from there.
Well....fast forward to about two years ago. I get an email, once again, she sounds "friendly" over email, talking about how she just got married, how excited she was, etc. and I thought "wow, she sounds happy; maybe she's nicer; maybe marriage has helped make her nicer..." So, I replied to her and, at the time, she only lived a few hours away, in a different state south of me. "Ok, great, let's all meet up". Well, before that ever managed to happen, I get another email (a mass email) stating that she is heading for divorce, looking for her own place back home up North and happier than hell to get out of the 'backwoods - redneck - etc. etc. of the Southern town and state where 'everyone was stupid and ignorant, etc. etc.'. (Well, it so happens that I am in a serious relationship with a guy who is from that town AND state, and whose family is from that very same area...)
Needless to say, once again, I was asking myself why was I even in touch with her again, she's still the same bitch and I didn't have the patience or tolerance for her vile spewing tendencies. I deleted her as a contact in all my devices and decided to just try to let it fizzle out (again). I have received subsequent (mass) informative emails from her talking about her successes in her new life as a single person, etc. and I couldn't give a rats ass and I have never replied.
Then, she sent me another email a couple of days ago, asking me if I would check around on a job application that someone she knows locally has put in at my company. I simply said I'd go ask HR and that was pretty much it. I didn't reply to her "miss you" "let's get in touch" "call me!" comments at all. I probably shouldn't have even replied to it at all.
Of course, I have NO intention on keeping in touch or getting in touch with her. The thought of talking to her again makes me sick, hence, the desire to do it in an email.
Ok, my point: I officially want to let her know that I am no longer interested in maintaining whatever this is -receiving any more updates from her, requests to "get in touch" - and I want to be mature and drama-free, but not sure how to word it and that's where I'm hoping fellow mefites could give me some help. If I even need help saying "please do not email me or try to contact me anymore as our relationship just doesn't suit me at this point of my life". Maybe it is that simple.
But do I owe her an explanation? If I do, how to word that explanation? I really appreciate any help and thanks for reading. Sorry for length.