My boyfriend does not keep up to date on current events. This bothers me. Can I say something? Am I being a snob?
posted by hollypolly to Human Relations (57 answers total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
My boyfriend and I have been together for just over a year, most of which has been spent long-distance due to my research abroad. I am in my late twenties, he in his early thirties. I love this guy so much and feel very fortunate to have found him, but have been really bothered in the last few months about how little he pays attention to current events, politics, etc etc. I really enjoy reading the news, listening to pod casts, and he just doesn't seem very interested. When we first met, he seemed so passionate and opinionated about his studies and work, and so I figured this would also translate in discussing current events. Several months ago there was an election in my country (which I tend to get quite excited about and spend hours reading blogs and articles about the debates), and he had no interest in reading up on it or even voting. This completely baffled me... I then got upset and we got in a fight. I felt like such a jerk. I know I came off as condescending, and I know I hurt his feelings. I felt awful and just tried to end the discussion with "I love you so much, I guess I just have a strong desire to talk about these things and it makes me sad to know that I can't talk about them with you"
I understand that people in relationships should have different interests and hobbies and should be supportive of such interests. He has many interests that I don't share, so this should just be one those things, right? I honestly don't expect him to spend hours a day reading up on such-and-such. He is a brilliant guy, extremely confident, and I value his opinion so much, which is why I wish i could hear his thoughts on these things I suppose.
Now of course he is a very busy person. I try to always take this into consideration. He doesn't always have the time to sit and read, and often when he comes home late at night he is just too exhausted and would rather tune out to a tv show or movie. I do this a lot, too! There are days when I just don't care to read things, am so exhausted from work, so I veg out and relax. I can completely understand where he is coming from on that front, so again, maybe this is just me being snobbish?
I guess the real issue is that deep down I always envisioned my future husband/partner as someone I could turn to and discuss these things with. Don't get me wrong, I'm no expert on politics or economics or anything of the sort, but I am curious, and I feel like I'm being condescending when I ask "did you hear about...?" and he says "no". Since our fight I've stopped asking, but maybe I shouldn't?
I have always been told you can't change someone, they are who they are who they are. I blame myself for seeing this disinterest fairly early on in our relationship and choosing to ignore it. I told myself he is just really busy and doesn't have the time to read the news. I guess I like learning from my partner, I like sharing information, or coming to conclusions on things, and I feel like I can't do this with him. Since I've been away these past few months, this issue has festered a lot in my thoughts.
I know this is MY problem, not his. Please don't get me wrong. I know that this is my hang-up, my issue, and that he is just being himself and I need to either accept this or move on.
I guess my question is: Am I being too harsh in expecting my partner to take an interest in current events? I am asking him to change for my benefit, aren't I? And this is going a bit far; I should love him for who he is, and not who I want him to be, right?
Ugh, just any advice to get these thoughts out of my head, to quit being such a snob, would be very, very helpful.