This is a follow-up to this question
. Your answers were all so helpful that I'm back for more.
My brother is now home from jail and engaged in a terrifying cycle of alcohol, pot and med abuse, shoplifting, irresponsible sex, and terrorizing my parents. His felony vandalism charge was reduced and he was released on condition that he pay a court-ordered fine of $1000 by October 31. My parents have agreed to allow him to work at my dad's company to earn the money, but he is constantly too high/wasted/hungover to work or refuses to do so. It has come to my attention that he is threatening my mom that he will flee the country or kill himself if they don't just give him the money, which they are refusing to do. He is unpredictable, manipulative, and very mentally unstable.
I guess my question boils down to this: how do you deal with situations like this in a helpful way without imploding? I live 1,000 miles away and am still dealing with my family's legacy of abuse and drama in lots of therapy and the occasional Al-Anon meeting. My family is a LOT more functional these days, but the fallout in my life has been severe...I'm a depressed, compulsive eater who struggles with establishing appropriate adult boundaries.
That said, I'm also the only person in my family who appears to be thinking reasonably. My parents are on a 24-hour survival cycle, though they are attending NAMI meetings, and are totally flummoxed by my brother's behavior. My two siblings have both broken contact with my brother and my parents are very upset about their outspoken opinions about his behavior and refusal to attend family functions where he is present. As for me...I try to focus on helping them find resources, but I am having trouble sleeping and the situation weighs on my heart and mind more than I can express.
I want my brother to get help, but I know he needs to participate in order for it to work. I want my parents to get a clue and kick him out, but I feel the same fear they do that the consequences will be dire and he will end up homeless or dead. I worry that by even expressing my opinion, I will alienate my increasingly tired and confused parents, but at the same time I can't bear the constant stream of depressing, anxiety-producing news about my brother. How can I be helpful in this situation without compromising my own sanity or boundaries?
TL;DR: What experiences, tactics, and techniques have you used to get through difficult family situations?