Thoughts about hiring a deaf nanny?
September 12, 2011 7:30 AM Subscribe
We (a few families in the neighborhood with kids in the toddler range) are hiring a new nanny. We've interviewed a nice young woman who is hearing impaired. Without trying to sound like a jerk, are there things that we should think about in this situation?
Potential Nanny (PN), who is hearing impaired and communicates verbally and in ASL, has previously nannied for other hearing impaired families. We'd be her first hearing family. She previously communicated with her families via ASL and email/text. She read our lips when we met with her.
There were a few miscommunication moments during our initial interview, but we felt okay about the overall conversation. (Moreover, at least where we live, communication barriers are par for the course - it is pretty tough to find a native English speaker or even a nanny candidate with good English. I'd probably say that with email/texting, we could probably communicate better with PN than with most of the other nannies that we've interviewed.)
We would have to change our communication style a bit - instead of verbally mentioning to Nanny that there is some leftover pasta in the fridge and that we'll be 15 minutes late tonight, we'd probably be better sending her a 'what's up in the house today' email every morning.
We don't know the extent of her impairment (although I asked her directly via email - specifically if she can hear the fire alarm, the doorbell, if we'd need to buy special baby monitors), but we're under the impression from her references that she has some hearing ability. She cannot use the phone. I'm not sure what would happen if she needed to call 911.
I am concerned that 2-3 toddlers will be difficult to supervise without being able to hear them (For example, she takes toddler #1 upstairs for a nap, toddler #2 is downstairs playing (and is old enough to be left alone downstairs). If it were me, I'd hear the general buzz of playing in the background and know that he was okay downstairs. Or what about if toddler is in stroller and asks PN for a water and she can't see his face?)
Other details about her are all positive - she's nice, her references are fantastic, she has a degree in child development, she is young and energetic, etc. She wants to sign and speak to the toddlers, which is cool.
Are there other things that we should be thinking about here? Safety-wise, communication-wise, or anything else? (I want to be as open-minded as possible, but with caring for kids I want to make sure no rock is unturned.) And of course I want to know from her directly what she thinks about these issues, but she is also trying to be hired by us, so she is probably inclined to please us.
(And if it matters, my kid will only be with PN for about 1.5-2 days a week for those of you keeping track of my kid's speech delay. If kid was going to be with PN fulltime, I'd probably be more concerned about his speech development.)
tl;dr: challenges associated with a hearing family hiring a deaf nanny?
Potential Nanny (PN), who is hearing impaired and communicates verbally and in ASL, has previously nannied for other hearing impaired families. We'd be her first hearing family. She previously communicated with her families via ASL and email/text. She read our lips when we met with her.
There were a few miscommunication moments during our initial interview, but we felt okay about the overall conversation. (Moreover, at least where we live, communication barriers are par for the course - it is pretty tough to find a native English speaker or even a nanny candidate with good English. I'd probably say that with email/texting, we could probably communicate better with PN than with most of the other nannies that we've interviewed.)
We would have to change our communication style a bit - instead of verbally mentioning to Nanny that there is some leftover pasta in the fridge and that we'll be 15 minutes late tonight, we'd probably be better sending her a 'what's up in the house today' email every morning.
We don't know the extent of her impairment (although I asked her directly via email - specifically if she can hear the fire alarm, the doorbell, if we'd need to buy special baby monitors), but we're under the impression from her references that she has some hearing ability. She cannot use the phone. I'm not sure what would happen if she needed to call 911.
I am concerned that 2-3 toddlers will be difficult to supervise without being able to hear them (For example, she takes toddler #1 upstairs for a nap, toddler #2 is downstairs playing (and is old enough to be left alone downstairs). If it were me, I'd hear the general buzz of playing in the background and know that he was okay downstairs. Or what about if toddler is in stroller and asks PN for a water and she can't see his face?)
Other details about her are all positive - she's nice, her references are fantastic, she has a degree in child development, she is young and energetic, etc. She wants to sign and speak to the toddlers, which is cool.
Are there other things that we should be thinking about here? Safety-wise, communication-wise, or anything else? (I want to be as open-minded as possible, but with caring for kids I want to make sure no rock is unturned.) And of course I want to know from her directly what she thinks about these issues, but she is also trying to be hired by us, so she is probably inclined to please us.
(And if it matters, my kid will only be with PN for about 1.5-2 days a week for those of you keeping track of my kid's speech delay. If kid was going to be with PN fulltime, I'd probably be more concerned about his speech development.)
tl;dr: challenges associated with a hearing family hiring a deaf nanny?
I'd be very concerned as well. e.g. My 2 year old kid just ran outside, the only reason I know that is I heard the door close behind him. I'm not one to be overly worried about my kids, but I'd really worry leaving them at my house with someone who can't hear what's going on.
posted by Blake at 7:45 AM on September 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Blake at 7:45 AM on September 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
Oh - and for 911, it's not as important that you hear them as they hear YOU. So in a dire emergency, where there's no time to use a relay, I'd call, say "I can't hear you, I'm at 123 main street and there's a fire." I'd just keep talking until emergency personnel got there. (They always require you to stay on the line anyway.)
posted by desjardins at 7:46 AM on September 12, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by desjardins at 7:46 AM on September 12, 2011 [2 favorites]
I have toddlers and can't imagine that this would be safe. How will she hear them cry out? Sometimes their distress sounds are quiet - soft choking, abdominal gurgles that indicate something is wrong, etc. With one, I would worry, but at least you could make a case that she'd never have the kid out of her eyesight. With more than one, the way toddlers run around? I wouldn't.
posted by fingersandtoes at 7:49 AM on September 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by fingersandtoes at 7:49 AM on September 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
I had a friend who used a HI childcare provider. Keep strongly in mind--YOU keep track of your kids with your ears. She'll keep track of them in other, equally effective ways. You can't really apply your methodology to childcare to hers and worry about a deficit. She works within a different culture, not within a deficit (just like a nanny from a different ethnic/language culture would work within hers).
You kids will learn sign and different ways to engage and communicate. My friend had positive effects from this--her kids stopped yelling from her from other rooms to get her attention and started coming up to her, approaching her, and asking for face time. This particular, small thing was something she felt was a huge, long term benefit.
Her resume sounds great--what you would look for in a nanny. Ask her how to accommodate your home and completely trust she is asking for what she needs.
Just like any nanny, any other adult, responsible for your kids, she'll do it differently from you--but in terms of kids learning and living and thinking that's a good thing. In this case, I understand why it may be tempting (in that mamabear way) to ascribe her differences as a provider to her membership in the deaf culture, but truly, you'll learn this isn't the case. And your kids will learn about a deeply interesting culture, besides.
posted by rumposinc at 7:50 AM on September 12, 2011 [36 favorites]
You kids will learn sign and different ways to engage and communicate. My friend had positive effects from this--her kids stopped yelling from her from other rooms to get her attention and started coming up to her, approaching her, and asking for face time. This particular, small thing was something she felt was a huge, long term benefit.
Her resume sounds great--what you would look for in a nanny. Ask her how to accommodate your home and completely trust she is asking for what she needs.
Just like any nanny, any other adult, responsible for your kids, she'll do it differently from you--but in terms of kids learning and living and thinking that's a good thing. In this case, I understand why it may be tempting (in that mamabear way) to ascribe her differences as a provider to her membership in the deaf culture, but truly, you'll learn this isn't the case. And your kids will learn about a deeply interesting culture, besides.
posted by rumposinc at 7:50 AM on September 12, 2011 [36 favorites]
She cannot use the phone. I'm not sure what would happen if she needed to call 911.
Or what about if toddler is in stroller and asks PN for a water and she can't see his face?
I'd just add these to the list of questions you have sent her. I'm sure she can easily tell you what happens. And if not, you still got your answer.
And of course I want to know from her directly what she thinks about these issues, but she is also trying to be hired by us, so she is probably inclined to please us.
That's the same for anyone who is trying to get a job. You either have to trust her answers or don't. Based on her background, I don't see why you wouldn't. It's up to you to decide if her answers are to your satisfaction.
You could also ask her what she thinks will be the challenges in transitioning from working for a hearing impaired to non-hearing impaired family. I bet she'd have some interesting thoughts you haven't thought of.
posted by like_neon at 7:53 AM on September 12, 2011
Or what about if toddler is in stroller and asks PN for a water and she can't see his face?
I'd just add these to the list of questions you have sent her. I'm sure she can easily tell you what happens. And if not, you still got your answer.
And of course I want to know from her directly what she thinks about these issues, but she is also trying to be hired by us, so she is probably inclined to please us.
That's the same for anyone who is trying to get a job. You either have to trust her answers or don't. Based on her background, I don't see why you wouldn't. It's up to you to decide if her answers are to your satisfaction.
You could also ask her what she thinks will be the challenges in transitioning from working for a hearing impaired to non-hearing impaired family. I bet she'd have some interesting thoughts you haven't thought of.
posted by like_neon at 7:53 AM on September 12, 2011
Response by poster: Yes regarding note versus sending an email -- we're just all personally much more inclined to write emails rather than notes, but same difference.
posted by k8t at 7:55 AM on September 12, 2011
posted by k8t at 7:55 AM on September 12, 2011
I have toddlers and can't imagine that this would be safe.
Hearing impaired people raise kids safely all the time.
posted by entropone at 7:57 AM on September 12, 2011 [56 favorites]
Hearing impaired people raise kids safely all the time.
posted by entropone at 7:57 AM on September 12, 2011 [56 favorites]
You guys, Deaf parents have been raising kids forever! That said, my parents (who are both profoundly Deaf) had the lights set up to flash when the doorbell rang, or if there was noise from the baby monitor (when we were infants). I'm not sure about the fire alarm. But she would be the best judge of whether or not she needs something like that.
Nowadays, all of the deaf people I know have smartphones, and text a lot. There's even a video relay app for the iPhone.
How did she respond to your questions?
posted by amarynth at 7:58 AM on September 12, 2011 [5 favorites]
Nowadays, all of the deaf people I know have smartphones, and text a lot. There's even a video relay app for the iPhone.
How did she respond to your questions?
posted by amarynth at 7:58 AM on September 12, 2011 [5 favorites]
Deaf and hearing impaired people raise their own children, most of whom are hearing, all the time. This is not some unusual situation that has never been dealt with before.
OP, I would ask your potential nanny how she would deal with various situations you've mentioned. Of course, I'd also ask similar questions of a hearing nanny: would she know when to call 911 and what information to give them? How long is too long to leave a child of X age alone downstairs when you are upstairs? Etc.
There is no reason to believe that children are less safe with a hearing impaired caregiver.
posted by decathecting at 8:03 AM on September 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
OP, I would ask your potential nanny how she would deal with various situations you've mentioned. Of course, I'd also ask similar questions of a hearing nanny: would she know when to call 911 and what information to give them? How long is too long to leave a child of X age alone downstairs when you are upstairs? Etc.
There is no reason to believe that children are less safe with a hearing impaired caregiver.
posted by decathecting at 8:03 AM on September 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Just to clarify, I didn't mean to imply that it would be unsafe or that deaf people can't parent or be caregivers, but that there are probably additional things that we're nothing thinking about.
She has never nannied for hearing parents or children before, so there are probably things that she hasn't thought about either.
She hasn't replied to my email about specifics yet, but obviously we trust her to tell us what she would need from us.
And we don't mind having to change our communication style from verbal to text, but with 3 families, little things get shouted while on the way out there door "Oh yeah, the air conditioning guy is coming today at 10..." and we'd all have to be more on top of conveying that information more formally.
posted by k8t at 8:09 AM on September 12, 2011
She has never nannied for hearing parents or children before, so there are probably things that she hasn't thought about either.
She hasn't replied to my email about specifics yet, but obviously we trust her to tell us what she would need from us.
And we don't mind having to change our communication style from verbal to text, but with 3 families, little things get shouted while on the way out there door "Oh yeah, the air conditioning guy is coming today at 10..." and we'd all have to be more on top of conveying that information more formally.
posted by k8t at 8:09 AM on September 12, 2011
Seconding what desjardins wrote.
There are ways that a hearing impaired person deals with all of these issues in a perfectly satisfactory way -- you may just not be familiar with what those are. Ask.
Speaking for myself as hearing-impaired, email is generally better. With spoken communication, you may think you've communicated, and I may think I've understood, but it's not until later that it becomes clear that that didn't happen.
posted by Capt. Renault at 8:09 AM on September 12, 2011 [2 favorites]
There are ways that a hearing impaired person deals with all of these issues in a perfectly satisfactory way -- you may just not be familiar with what those are. Ask.
Speaking for myself as hearing-impaired, email is generally better. With spoken communication, you may think you've communicated, and I may think I've understood, but it's not until later that it becomes clear that that didn't happen.
posted by Capt. Renault at 8:09 AM on September 12, 2011 [2 favorites]
One of my college roommates had a profoundly deaf mother, who had been a pediatric nurse before she lost her hearing to the point where she couldn't hear hearbeats, so she spent her (early) retirement doing emergency foster-car for high-risk infants -- crack babies, babies with serious physical disabilities or other impairments, etc. Sometimes they were there three days, sometimes three years. She needed surprisingly few adaptive technologies and DCFS thought she was good enough at it to keep recertifying her, and to give her their absolutely neediest and most fragile children.
"we'd all have to be more on top of conveying that information more formally."
Which probably would be a nice gift to a hearing nanny as well. :)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 8:21 AM on September 12, 2011 [5 favorites]
"we'd all have to be more on top of conveying that information more formally."
Which probably would be a nice gift to a hearing nanny as well. :)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 8:21 AM on September 12, 2011 [5 favorites]
Keep strongly in mind--YOU keep track of your kids with your ears. She'll keep track of them in other, equally effective ways.
I agree with this. I am super visually oriented and often notice things that others don't. I can walk into a room after being gone and notice that a piece of paper was moved an inch.
With spoken communication, you may think you've communicated, and I may think I've understood, but it's not until later that it becomes clear that that didn't happen.
I also agree with this. More than one argument with mr. desjardins has started with "why did you ignore me when I said X?" We've tried to get in the habit of me acknowledging what he says so that he knows I heard it.
posted by desjardins at 8:22 AM on September 12, 2011
I agree with this. I am super visually oriented and often notice things that others don't. I can walk into a room after being gone and notice that a piece of paper was moved an inch.
With spoken communication, you may think you've communicated, and I may think I've understood, but it's not until later that it becomes clear that that didn't happen.
I also agree with this. More than one argument with mr. desjardins has started with "why did you ignore me when I said X?" We've tried to get in the habit of me acknowledging what he says so that he knows I heard it.
posted by desjardins at 8:22 AM on September 12, 2011
Newer fire alarms have strobe lights in them so that the hearing impaired can see the alarm. Get one of those, and that problem is solved.
A couple of ways I've seen hearing impaired people communicate with people who don't know ASL. There is the pad of paper, the small white board, and the coolest one I saw recently was a guy who used his blackberry. Open up a blank message and type the words, then hand the phone to the other person.
Kids adapt pretty easily, and it shouldn't take much to teach them how to communicate with the nanny. She can probably teach them ASL.
posted by gjc at 8:31 AM on September 12, 2011
A couple of ways I've seen hearing impaired people communicate with people who don't know ASL. There is the pad of paper, the small white board, and the coolest one I saw recently was a guy who used his blackberry. Open up a blank message and type the words, then hand the phone to the other person.
Kids adapt pretty easily, and it shouldn't take much to teach them how to communicate with the nanny. She can probably teach them ASL.
posted by gjc at 8:31 AM on September 12, 2011
I'm sure there will be a learning curve but I honestly think this could be a really great opportunity for your family(ies).
She's watched other kids. The fact that they were hearing impaired too doesn't matter. A two year old is a two year old. One who is hearing impaired is not less likely to be getting into trouble. If she's got glowing references from the families she's worked for in the past then you should grab her quick. A good nanny is a precious resource! She's probably got her own way of doing things that don't involve listening for kids.
Also, toddlers are really good at picking up languages. Especially when it involves them getting what they want. I'll bet they pick up the basics within a week. They'll also get the bonus of learning a new language which is always a great thing.
posted by TooFewShoes at 8:32 AM on September 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
She's watched other kids. The fact that they were hearing impaired too doesn't matter. A two year old is a two year old. One who is hearing impaired is not less likely to be getting into trouble. If she's got glowing references from the families she's worked for in the past then you should grab her quick. A good nanny is a precious resource! She's probably got her own way of doing things that don't involve listening for kids.
Also, toddlers are really good at picking up languages. Especially when it involves them getting what they want. I'll bet they pick up the basics within a week. They'll also get the bonus of learning a new language which is always a great thing.
posted by TooFewShoes at 8:32 AM on September 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
On preview:
Strobe fire alarm and door bell are good ideas.
As far as yelling things as you go out the door goes, you could always text them instead. Of course, being forced to be more organized could be a good thing too. I know I could use a kick in the pants in that department!
posted by TooFewShoes at 8:35 AM on September 12, 2011
Strobe fire alarm and door bell are good ideas.
As far as yelling things as you go out the door goes, you could always text them instead. Of course, being forced to be more organized could be a good thing too. I know I could use a kick in the pants in that department!
posted by TooFewShoes at 8:35 AM on September 12, 2011
A good child-care-giver will teach the kids how to communicate appropriately. I worked with a child care provider who was 75% or so deaf, and he was terrific, just hard to talk to on the phone. Yay for email and IM.
As with anyone who has a handicap, ask her what she needs for adaptation. She's the most knowledgeable person about her condition and needs, and she won't mind.
posted by theora55 at 8:41 AM on September 12, 2011
As with anyone who has a handicap, ask her what she needs for adaptation. She's the most knowledgeable person about her condition and needs, and she won't mind.
posted by theora55 at 8:41 AM on September 12, 2011
For this to work, I think you need to have ALL the parents in agreement. Is every house going to be adapted? Or are you all going to share in the cost of adapting 1 house? Does anyone sign in your group? If not, is someone willing to learn ASL? Nanny sharing can have so many pitfalls even with a hearing, seeing, all-knowing, all-powerful nanny.
posted by Ideefixe at 9:12 AM on September 12, 2011
posted by Ideefixe at 9:12 AM on September 12, 2011
Years and years ago I was a "mother's helper" at a camp, which basically consisted of watching one of the staff member's kids in a big room together with other mother's helpers who were watching other kids.
One of the other mother's helpers was Deaf. She spoke and read lips, but I generally had a hard time understanding her. Anyway, the kid (who was somewhere between age 2 and 4) she was taking care of was not Deaf, and I remember thinking (from observing them) that the kid was a bit frustrated with her own inability to communicate easily with the mother's helper. At one point I offered to switch babysitting charges with her (I had a pre-verbal one-year-old) for a few hours and took the kid out to the playground, which the kid seemed to relish. So maybe try to monitor somehow (without being there?) whether your kids are frustrated.
I may have been projecting, though (for me as a babysitter, I end up talking and reading to kids a lot), and this mother's helper was in middle school, not an adult.
posted by needs more cowbell at 9:25 AM on September 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
One of the other mother's helpers was Deaf. She spoke and read lips, but I generally had a hard time understanding her. Anyway, the kid (who was somewhere between age 2 and 4) she was taking care of was not Deaf, and I remember thinking (from observing them) that the kid was a bit frustrated with her own inability to communicate easily with the mother's helper. At one point I offered to switch babysitting charges with her (I had a pre-verbal one-year-old) for a few hours and took the kid out to the playground, which the kid seemed to relish. So maybe try to monitor somehow (without being there?) whether your kids are frustrated.
I may have been projecting, though (for me as a babysitter, I end up talking and reading to kids a lot), and this mother's helper was in middle school, not an adult.
posted by needs more cowbell at 9:25 AM on September 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
You have several very sensible questions about how this nanny will be able to keep your children safe without the use of her ears. Unabashedly present these questions to her. (Do not be gratuitously rude about it, of course, but it is not rude to acknowledge the existence of her disability.) It is her responsibility as a job applicant to answer these questions to your satisfaction: to present persuasive evidence that she can do this job as safely as the next candidate.
It is quite possible that she can indeed persuasively explain how she will be able to do this job safely. (Some people upthread have offered possible explanations; I would try to get them directly from her instead.) It is also possible that she cannot. (After all, it would be surprising if a caregiver with 4.5 senses were literally 100% as safe as a caregiver with 5.)
Give her explanations a fair chance, maybe research whether they are correct, maybe give her a trial run where you're present in the house and can observe her methods in action. Then make your ultimate decision based on which candidate you think will do the best job of keeping your children safe, ALL things considered.
If her deafness turns out to be the deciding factor -- that is, if you conclude that she would have been the best candidate but for her disability -- so be it; do not hire her. You can feel appropriate sympathy for her disability, without giving her (unsafe) special dispensation as a result of it. You would not have to turn in your Progressiveness, Kindness, Tolerance, or Understanding cards if you made this choice.
Incidentally, if you do wind up hiring her, consider learning ASL yourself (if for no other reason than that you don't want your toddlers to be able to communicate and leave you out of the loop!)
posted by foursentences at 10:42 AM on September 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
It is quite possible that she can indeed persuasively explain how she will be able to do this job safely. (Some people upthread have offered possible explanations; I would try to get them directly from her instead.) It is also possible that she cannot. (After all, it would be surprising if a caregiver with 4.5 senses were literally 100% as safe as a caregiver with 5.)
Give her explanations a fair chance, maybe research whether they are correct, maybe give her a trial run where you're present in the house and can observe her methods in action. Then make your ultimate decision based on which candidate you think will do the best job of keeping your children safe, ALL things considered.
If her deafness turns out to be the deciding factor -- that is, if you conclude that she would have been the best candidate but for her disability -- so be it; do not hire her. You can feel appropriate sympathy for her disability, without giving her (unsafe) special dispensation as a result of it. You would not have to turn in your Progressiveness, Kindness, Tolerance, or Understanding cards if you made this choice.
Incidentally, if you do wind up hiring her, consider learning ASL yourself (if for no other reason than that you don't want your toddlers to be able to communicate and leave you out of the loop!)
posted by foursentences at 10:42 AM on September 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
With spoken communication, you may think you've communicated, and I may think I've understood, but it's not until later that it becomes clear that that didn't happen. posted by Capt. Renault at 11:09 AM
Sorry, but this is exactly why I don't think it's a great idea for this person to be responsible for multiple hearing kids who have not been exposed to deaf culture, ASL, etc. It's one thing for the adults to be able to communicate with Nanny via text or email, but she will be spending most of her time trying to communicate with kids who will not have this option.
Many up-thread have noted that people with hearing disabilities raise kids all the time. Of course they do. But those families create a culture where communication evolves around any impairment to become a very effective norm for the entire family.
None of the kids you're talking about putting in her care would have this norm and so it would be incumbent on them (two- to five-year-olds?) to adapt to the nanny, as people have suggested, by coming to find her if there's trouble, learning to get her attention to speak face-to-face, communicating with lights, etc. I don't know how adaptable and responsible your group of toddlers is, but this is more responsibility than I would want to put in their hands.
All things being equal, it would certainly give me pause, knowing how much I "check in" on my two kids by listening, and knowing their norms for communicating with me and with each other. I hear the back door opening immediately. I may only see it 10 minutes later when I enter the room. I hear the silence of my choking 18mo immediately while I'm trying to find my 6yo's shoes in the closet. It would also give me pause knowing her glowing reviews all come from hearing impaired families. As a mother's helper I'd be happy with her having this kind of learning curve. As a FT nanny with multiple kids? No.
IMO, you hire nannies and babysitters and caregivers not just for how much fun they have with the kids or what other languages they will expose the kids to. You hire them for bullet-proof judgment and action in the event of emergency. foursentences approach is the right one: present her with 5-10 realistic scenarios in which you're concerned about: choking, 911, knowing a kid has escaped the house, understanding a kid who's writhing in pain, knowing where a kid is who's fallen and broken an ankle, etc. and see how comfortable you are with her responses and how/if she's handled those sorts of scenarios before. The bottom line question is: does having your kids in this person's care add to your concerns or relieve them?
posted by cocoagirl at 11:42 AM on September 12, 2011 [2 favorites]
Sorry, but this is exactly why I don't think it's a great idea for this person to be responsible for multiple hearing kids who have not been exposed to deaf culture, ASL, etc. It's one thing for the adults to be able to communicate with Nanny via text or email, but she will be spending most of her time trying to communicate with kids who will not have this option.
Many up-thread have noted that people with hearing disabilities raise kids all the time. Of course they do. But those families create a culture where communication evolves around any impairment to become a very effective norm for the entire family.
None of the kids you're talking about putting in her care would have this norm and so it would be incumbent on them (two- to five-year-olds?) to adapt to the nanny, as people have suggested, by coming to find her if there's trouble, learning to get her attention to speak face-to-face, communicating with lights, etc. I don't know how adaptable and responsible your group of toddlers is, but this is more responsibility than I would want to put in their hands.
All things being equal, it would certainly give me pause, knowing how much I "check in" on my two kids by listening, and knowing their norms for communicating with me and with each other. I hear the back door opening immediately. I may only see it 10 minutes later when I enter the room. I hear the silence of my choking 18mo immediately while I'm trying to find my 6yo's shoes in the closet. It would also give me pause knowing her glowing reviews all come from hearing impaired families. As a mother's helper I'd be happy with her having this kind of learning curve. As a FT nanny with multiple kids? No.
IMO, you hire nannies and babysitters and caregivers not just for how much fun they have with the kids or what other languages they will expose the kids to. You hire them for bullet-proof judgment and action in the event of emergency. foursentences approach is the right one: present her with 5-10 realistic scenarios in which you're concerned about: choking, 911, knowing a kid has escaped the house, understanding a kid who's writhing in pain, knowing where a kid is who's fallen and broken an ankle, etc. and see how comfortable you are with her responses and how/if she's handled those sorts of scenarios before. The bottom line question is: does having your kids in this person's care add to your concerns or relieve them?
posted by cocoagirl at 11:42 AM on September 12, 2011 [2 favorites]
I had a deaf stepmom for some years of my childhood. We had a doorbell hooked up to the lights, a phone that flashed, a TTY (this was back in the day), and we all signed, at least a little bit. She never had trouble keeping track of the four of us, all of whom were hearing, and we didn't have trouble communicating (though I must have just been picking up ASL at age 9 or so).
It sounds like your nanny has some hearing, so may not even need so many adaptions. (Though I think email or notes is a benefit for everyone, no matter their hearing ability.) It sounds like your kids will all be learning some language, so why not ASL? You can probably pick up a little too and it comes in handy places where you need be quiet, like church or the library.
posted by Margalo Epps at 12:09 PM on September 12, 2011
It sounds like your nanny has some hearing, so may not even need so many adaptions. (Though I think email or notes is a benefit for everyone, no matter their hearing ability.) It sounds like your kids will all be learning some language, so why not ASL? You can probably pick up a little too and it comes in handy places where you need be quiet, like church or the library.
posted by Margalo Epps at 12:09 PM on September 12, 2011
I am concerned that, given she has never nannied for a hearing family before, she is going to take on multiple children in a toddler age group. This is a very big job for anyone and your nanny has not had time to adapt strategies. I'd be more likely to take on a nanny in her position if she had first worked with one hearing child on a casual basis (sitter?), then one child, then a family, and then a leap to several families with toddlers of similar ages.
Also, while hearing impaired families raise hearing children all the time, is this really the best scenario for your children? Children's distress often comes from a quiet sound, like choking, gurgling or a bigger sound like a crash. But, beyond that, your children will be at a critical stage in their speech development. You are putting them with someone who cannot correct pronounciation, model subtleties, etc and who won't be able to relay those points to you or provide feedback. She won't be able to detect or model differences in tone (as far as I can tell from what you're written, of course). I would consider seriously whether this is what you want to set up in a best case scenario. It is different than if this was the situation you set out to have in life and you are doing the best you can under the circumstances. And it's different than if the kids were a few years older.
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats at 12:23 PM on September 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
Also, while hearing impaired families raise hearing children all the time, is this really the best scenario for your children? Children's distress often comes from a quiet sound, like choking, gurgling or a bigger sound like a crash. But, beyond that, your children will be at a critical stage in their speech development. You are putting them with someone who cannot correct pronounciation, model subtleties, etc and who won't be able to relay those points to you or provide feedback. She won't be able to detect or model differences in tone (as far as I can tell from what you're written, of course). I would consider seriously whether this is what you want to set up in a best case scenario. It is different than if this was the situation you set out to have in life and you are doing the best you can under the circumstances. And it's different than if the kids were a few years older.
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats at 12:23 PM on September 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
I would not hesitate to hire a qualified hearing-impaired nanny to watch my one toddler. Or my one toddler with one other immobile infant. Or my one toddler and a pre-teen.
I would hesitate to hire a qualified hearing-impaired nanny to care for several toddlers, including my own.
I would not refuse to do it, if after talking to her, I was reasonably convinced that her inability to hear was not going to be an issue. I mean, I think about how when I'm caring for my toddler and nieces and nephews, and how often I am out of sight of one while attending to another and the other one yells their need for something. At the two-three year old stage, would it be difficult to retrain that child that he needs to physically come to where nanny is instead of just yelling? I'm seriously not sure- and maybe nanny has an answer to that question. But I'd have to get an answer, and be super comfortable, before I'd decide (as with any nanny, obviously, but you know what I"m trying to say here. I hope). Otherwise I'd just be constantly worried.
posted by dpx.mfx at 12:41 PM on September 12, 2011
I would hesitate to hire a qualified hearing-impaired nanny to care for several toddlers, including my own.
I would not refuse to do it, if after talking to her, I was reasonably convinced that her inability to hear was not going to be an issue. I mean, I think about how when I'm caring for my toddler and nieces and nephews, and how often I am out of sight of one while attending to another and the other one yells their need for something. At the two-three year old stage, would it be difficult to retrain that child that he needs to physically come to where nanny is instead of just yelling? I'm seriously not sure- and maybe nanny has an answer to that question. But I'd have to get an answer, and be super comfortable, before I'd decide (as with any nanny, obviously, but you know what I"m trying to say here. I hope). Otherwise I'd just be constantly worried.
posted by dpx.mfx at 12:41 PM on September 12, 2011
desjardins has said pretty much everything I would say; I just wanted to add a few thoughts.
One: regarding doorbells, fire alarms, etc - it may be she can hear those. (I'm deaf, and I have problems with speech, but I can definitely hear the doorbell ring. Deafness is tricky that way.) Ask her - does she need an adaptation for those sorts of things? Can she handle them herself? She's the one who knows what she needs there.
Two: speech. I would not worry here, even though your kids are young. Kids do need input, yes, but they do a ridiculously good job at picking up what's there. Having a nanny whose speech is accented (whether because she's deaf or because she's from another country) is not going to harm their language acquisition, not if they're hearing and growing up in the US. (I say this both as a deaf person and as a linguist.)
Three: people are right to say that their cues are auditory. They hear an unhappy noise, they hear choking, whatever. Deaf people - particularly those who've grown up that way - are aware that we can't depend on our hearing. She's not likely to walk out of the room thinking, "oh, it's okay, I can hear them" and suddenly be surprised when she doesn't. How exactly she adapts to this, I don't know, but she knows that her visual senses are the ones she can rely on.
Like others have said, if at the end of all this, you're still not comfortable, don't hire her. Not just because that's absolutely your right as a mother, but also out of consideration for her - she doesn't want to work for an employer who is constantly second-guessing her, and you don't want to constantly be worrying about your nanny's capabilities! But the best way to answer these questions is to ask her how she's dealt with similar situations in the past.
posted by spaceman_spiff at 12:47 PM on September 12, 2011 [3 favorites]
One: regarding doorbells, fire alarms, etc - it may be she can hear those. (I'm deaf, and I have problems with speech, but I can definitely hear the doorbell ring. Deafness is tricky that way.) Ask her - does she need an adaptation for those sorts of things? Can she handle them herself? She's the one who knows what she needs there.
Two: speech. I would not worry here, even though your kids are young. Kids do need input, yes, but they do a ridiculously good job at picking up what's there. Having a nanny whose speech is accented (whether because she's deaf or because she's from another country) is not going to harm their language acquisition, not if they're hearing and growing up in the US. (I say this both as a deaf person and as a linguist.)
Three: people are right to say that their cues are auditory. They hear an unhappy noise, they hear choking, whatever. Deaf people - particularly those who've grown up that way - are aware that we can't depend on our hearing. She's not likely to walk out of the room thinking, "oh, it's okay, I can hear them" and suddenly be surprised when she doesn't. How exactly she adapts to this, I don't know, but she knows that her visual senses are the ones she can rely on.
Like others have said, if at the end of all this, you're still not comfortable, don't hire her. Not just because that's absolutely your right as a mother, but also out of consideration for her - she doesn't want to work for an employer who is constantly second-guessing her, and you don't want to constantly be worrying about your nanny's capabilities! But the best way to answer these questions is to ask her how she's dealt with similar situations in the past.
posted by spaceman_spiff at 12:47 PM on September 12, 2011 [3 favorites]
Our 19 year old babysitter-of-choice is hearing impaired. She started looking after my 2 kids for a few hours when she was 15 or 16, and graduated to staying overnight when I was confident that she could handle any situation. She wears hearing aids, but mostly lip-reads. My kids learned very quickly to stand in front of her and make sure she was looking at their faces when they spoke, and to alert her to any strange noises.
And they worship the ground she walks on. They get annoyed if my plans fall through and she isn't needed to look after them! I suspect she is such a great babysitter because she is the eldest daughter of a single parent, and has been involved in looking after her 3 younger (hearing) brothers while mum was out working or studying.
Before she arrives, I sit down and type out a quick list of 'help yourself to the pasta in the fridge, the plumber should arrive around 11am, child A had an upset tummy last night so please keep an eye on her'. Takes about 5 minutes max, and both she and I know that the messages are being understood. She reads it before I leave and asks questions if she has any.
I don't think the speech training thing is an issue if, as you say, native/fluent English-speaking nannies are hard to come by anyway. I also think you'd be doing the kids a favour - introducing them to the concept that everyone is different, and some differences require adaptation.
If I were you, I'd hire her (after getting satisfactory answers to the 'what would you do in this situation' test recommended above, of course).
posted by malibustacey9999 at 1:59 PM on September 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
And they worship the ground she walks on. They get annoyed if my plans fall through and she isn't needed to look after them! I suspect she is such a great babysitter because she is the eldest daughter of a single parent, and has been involved in looking after her 3 younger (hearing) brothers while mum was out working or studying.
Before she arrives, I sit down and type out a quick list of 'help yourself to the pasta in the fridge, the plumber should arrive around 11am, child A had an upset tummy last night so please keep an eye on her'. Takes about 5 minutes max, and both she and I know that the messages are being understood. She reads it before I leave and asks questions if she has any.
I don't think the speech training thing is an issue if, as you say, native/fluent English-speaking nannies are hard to come by anyway. I also think you'd be doing the kids a favour - introducing them to the concept that everyone is different, and some differences require adaptation.
If I were you, I'd hire her (after getting satisfactory answers to the 'what would you do in this situation' test recommended above, of course).
posted by malibustacey9999 at 1:59 PM on September 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
Although I am not a parent, I would want to know how many toddlers she had cared for beforehand, same as I would a hearing nanny. If she has cared for 2-3 toddlers in a hearing-impaired family, she's proven, IMHO, that she can be safe. I wouldn't leave 3 toddlers with a hearing 14-year-old and I wouldn't leave them with a hearing person who had only cared for older kids or infants before.
More than that, though--I'm not deaf, but I do have a visible "mid-level" physical disability, that has lately, in my mid-30s, come to play on my professional choices in a way it hadn't before--the parents would ALL have to be on board. The biggest obstacle, assuming 2-3 toddlers have been safe with her in the past, may be in the parents' attitudes.
That doesn't mean that these concerns aren't justified or understandable! It's more that if THIS group of parents isn't behind her 100%, then she can certainly move on and find an employer that IS behind her all the way. It would not be doing her a favor to put her into a situation where her bosses have big doubts. From my end, I'm working on a nice, non-snooty way to say, "Look, potential boss, make sure you're with me here, because if not, I'm sure someone else will be, and I wish you the best."
posted by skbw at 2:25 PM on September 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
More than that, though--I'm not deaf, but I do have a visible "mid-level" physical disability, that has lately, in my mid-30s, come to play on my professional choices in a way it hadn't before--the parents would ALL have to be on board. The biggest obstacle, assuming 2-3 toddlers have been safe with her in the past, may be in the parents' attitudes.
That doesn't mean that these concerns aren't justified or understandable! It's more that if THIS group of parents isn't behind her 100%, then she can certainly move on and find an employer that IS behind her all the way. It would not be doing her a favor to put her into a situation where her bosses have big doubts. From my end, I'm working on a nice, non-snooty way to say, "Look, potential boss, make sure you're with me here, because if not, I'm sure someone else will be, and I wish you the best."
posted by skbw at 2:25 PM on September 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
Not a direct answer to your question, but one of the best docs I've ever seen is Sound and Fury, which presents a smart, complex look at deaf culture. It may help you make your decision.
posted by roger ackroyd at 3:55 PM on September 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by roger ackroyd at 3:55 PM on September 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
My mom lost 50% of her hearing when she was little, and since she hated the old school hearing aids so much, she's never had one in my life time. She just lip reads. She learned to talk before she lost her hearing, which means she speaks really clearly, so that was never an issue. We have amplifiers on all our phones (she still can't hear much on a cell phone) and she can't understand much on television if there aren't sub-titles. My brother and I are two years apart, and neither of us choked and died or maimed ourselves as toddlers. Or any other time, for that matter.
People here keep mentioning how they use their ears to keep track of their kids. I asked my mom once how she kept track of us, and she said she was just super-vigilant about keeping us in sight: if we were playing outside, she'd be sitting next to the window to read. If we were inside, she'd be working in the same room, or in the next room over with a view of us. It probably helped that our house and our backyard wasn't that big.
As far as I can tell, the main effects of growing up with a lip-reading deaf mom were: I like looking at people straight-on when I'm talking to them, because the back of my neck prickles a bit if I have to talk to them without their being able to see my face, and I've been told--particularly by non-native speakers--that I articulate clearly and am easy to understand. Likewise, I sometimes forget that if I look down at the floor and say something snarky, people-who-are-not-my-mother can still hear me. When I have to interrupt someone from their work, I usually say my first sentence twice: once to get their attention and to get them to look up, and then again to actually convey what I mean. Since I'm used to having a trial run first, I am occasionally discombobulated by people who understand my first, not-as-well-formed sentence and who don't wait for the second run-through. I am very good at finding pauses in a movie's action to quickly summarize complicated plot points, likewise, conversations at dinner parties. And I started paying close attention to body language--both mine and other people's--when I was 13 or so. Both because paying attention to my mom's body language means I can tell in group situations if she can hear people or not, and because the only way I can keep any secrets from my mother is by holding my body posture very neutrally when I tell her things like, "Yeah, Mom, it's fine."
Anyway, since none of those things were horribly scarring, my two cents is that you should talk to this potential nanny about the scenarios that worry you and see if she has answers that comfort you, but don't write her off simply because she's deaf.
posted by colfax at 7:22 PM on September 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
People here keep mentioning how they use their ears to keep track of their kids. I asked my mom once how she kept track of us, and she said she was just super-vigilant about keeping us in sight: if we were playing outside, she'd be sitting next to the window to read. If we were inside, she'd be working in the same room, or in the next room over with a view of us. It probably helped that our house and our backyard wasn't that big.
As far as I can tell, the main effects of growing up with a lip-reading deaf mom were: I like looking at people straight-on when I'm talking to them, because the back of my neck prickles a bit if I have to talk to them without their being able to see my face, and I've been told--particularly by non-native speakers--that I articulate clearly and am easy to understand. Likewise, I sometimes forget that if I look down at the floor and say something snarky, people-who-are-not-my-mother can still hear me. When I have to interrupt someone from their work, I usually say my first sentence twice: once to get their attention and to get them to look up, and then again to actually convey what I mean. Since I'm used to having a trial run first, I am occasionally discombobulated by people who understand my first, not-as-well-formed sentence and who don't wait for the second run-through. I am very good at finding pauses in a movie's action to quickly summarize complicated plot points, likewise, conversations at dinner parties. And I started paying close attention to body language--both mine and other people's--when I was 13 or so. Both because paying attention to my mom's body language means I can tell in group situations if she can hear people or not, and because the only way I can keep any secrets from my mother is by holding my body posture very neutrally when I tell her things like, "Yeah, Mom, it's fine."
Anyway, since none of those things were horribly scarring, my two cents is that you should talk to this potential nanny about the scenarios that worry you and see if she has answers that comfort you, but don't write her off simply because she's deaf.
posted by colfax at 7:22 PM on September 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Thanks everyone. This was incredibly helpful.
To add to previous questions, it appears that she has problems hearing high frequencies, so in-house kid noises should be okay, but we'll have to add a strobe for the fire alarm/smoke detector.
We'll see how it goes for the rest of the week, but again, your comments really helped me (all of us) understand better.
So, we have hired her.
Thanks all!
posted by k8t at 4:53 PM on September 13, 2011 [4 favorites]
To add to previous questions, it appears that she has problems hearing high frequencies, so in-house kid noises should be okay, but we'll have to add a strobe for the fire alarm/smoke detector.
We'll see how it goes for the rest of the week, but again, your comments really helped me (all of us) understand better.
So, we have hired her.
Thanks all!
posted by k8t at 4:53 PM on September 13, 2011 [4 favorites]
Re: fire alarm, don't forget smell. I mean, of course put the strobe in, but smell is there too. I have a friend who does not smell(!), and I would for sure check those batteries before leaving him with kids. Good luck as HR rolls on!
posted by skbw at 8:10 PM on September 13, 2011
posted by skbw at 8:10 PM on September 13, 2011
This thread is closed to new comments.
We would have to change our communication style a bit - instead of verbally mentioning to Nanny that there is some leftover pasta in the fridge and that we'll be 15 minutes late tonight, we'd probably be better sending her a 'what's up in the house today' email every morning.
I don't understand this. Leave her a note, or text "We'll be 15 min late, help yourself to pasta in fridge" (or "feed kids pasta in fridge" - I didn't understand your meaning)
If she needs to use the phone, she should use a relay. I've used IP-relay and it's just like chatting with someone online (though a bit delayed). 911 is set up for this. If she has a smartphone, and for some reason you can't text her, you can call her this way.
I train people to get my attention visually, and I would train kids the same way. Either tap me on the shoulder or wave, and then face me so I can read your lips. Toddlers tap you or tug on you all the time anyway.
If she has excellent references and a degree, she will have dealt with all of your concerns before and should be prepared to address them. But ultimately you need to feel safe and secure, and that should trump your feelings of obligation to be openminded.
posted by desjardins at 7:44 AM on September 12, 2011 [8 favorites]