The Quiet Life?

September 2, 2011 5:18 AM

I'm looking for resources on being a single and/or childfree woman.

Looking for as many pro-single/childfree resources as possible.

What I am NOT looking for:
1. Post-breakup "uplifting tips" or consolation type resources. I solemnly swear I'm not going through any such thing.
2. I don't mind songs, but I'd probably be exploring those answers all day if that was the focus of this, so please only if they're REALLY good from your experience.


So please hit me up with your books, blogs, quotes, articles, lectures, and anything else you think appropriate.

posted by DisreputableDog to human relations (13 answers total)

This is not female specific, but you might find it interesting nonetheless.
posted by miorita at 5:28 AM on September 2, 2011

Hi! Yay childfree! (That's my take on life and my own personal reproductive future).

Websites:
1. http://www.childfree.net/ Kind of a webring, I think.
2. http://purplewomenblog.blogspot.com/
3. From a dude's point of view.
4. http://www.child-free.com/

Book worth checking out from the library:
5. Maybe Baby (ed. Lori Leibovitch)

There was an AskMeFi post on being childfree (maybe it was about getting sterilized) but I can't find it.

I'm looking forward to other responses to this post!
posted by ArgyleGargoyle at 5:48 AM on September 2, 2011 [1 favorite]

You might like to check out this old thread of mine, in which I ask for fictional and real life examples of swinging bachelorettes.
posted by orange swan at 6:00 AM on September 2, 2011

The Childfree Life forums, while not women-specific, have quite a bit of information, including sections on work, birth control, and others.
posted by BlooPen at 7:08 AM on September 2, 2011

There's a book called Bachelor Girl which explores the single woman from a historical perspective. Very interesting read.

Hope this isn;t a derail, but - is there a difference between 'childfree' and just being someone who doesn't want/can't have kids? I ask because I remember an LJ community by this name back in the day but it seemed to be very very anti-kids.
posted by mippy at 7:45 AM on September 2, 2011 [1 favorite]

Hi DisreputableDog, this post is not specifically about being single and childfree, and it is non-gender specific, but it is more specifically about the loneliness angle of singledom—however, I think there are many comments and related links which are very much about singleness as a normal, non-pathological state, so hopefully it is relevant to you.
posted by dubitable at 8:33 AM on September 2, 2011

mippy - As far as I know, I have the ability to have kids, but just not the desire to. So the term "childfree" most relates to "doesn't want."

While it's not my stance to be angry or bitter about the whole nosy parents/coworkers/etc issue, I'm not discounting the anger-based resources also. I do mean -all- relevant resources. :-D Thanks!
posted by DisreputableDog at 9:32 AM on September 2, 2011

Ah, thanks for the clarification - I didn't want to recommend rabid anti-children of all types communities if this isn't the case. It's quite a US term, I think, or maybe I'm not yet in the age bracket where choosing not to have children is a notable thing.

A fictional example, but Peggy Olson from Mad Men. The issues do come up, and she is shown desiring a partner at times, but she is very much a swinging batchelorette. You may find her story interesting to watch.
posted by mippy at 10:09 AM on September 2, 2011

This blog post on the subject was very love or hate among people I know who read it. (I like it b/c while it's about not having children, it can also apply to all sorts of life choices people assume you want to make, or will make, although you have no interest in that.)
posted by DestinationUnknown at 10:37 AM on September 2, 2011 [1 favorite]

Mippy - I'm familiar with the "childfree" LJ community from back in the day, and think the gentler term is "childless by choice." I believe at one point there were companion LJ communities - the latter I believe went by CBC, but it's been years since I've logged into LJ and it doesn't look like CBC is still active. Regardless, looking at the Childfree profile, you'll see several companion communities, with varying levels of activity and "harshness."
posted by librarianamy at 10:58 AM on September 2, 2011

Single, childfree by choice, and fulfilled woman in her 40s here. I knew when I was very young that I didn't want children. Staying childfree is one of the smartest decisions I've ever made, and these days I can honestly say I'm happier than ever. I have no regrets!

Book recommendations for you:

Single: The Art of Being Satisfied, Fulfilled, and Independent by Judy Ford
Single State of the Union ed. by Diane Mapes
Childless by Choice: A Feminist Anthology by Irene Reti
Pride and Joy: The Lives and Passions of Women Without Children by Terri Casey
Childfree and Loving It! by Nicki Defago
posted by velvet winter at 3:16 PM on September 2, 2011 [1 favorite]

I found this poem in the form of a YouTube video quite touching.
posted by ootandaboot at 7:04 PM on September 2, 2011

Well, since I have a feeling this question is already "done", I'm going to mark it resolved.

However! I would like to thank everyone for their contributions, as well as offering those I found on my own or through a link-chain via a few of your offerings.
I hope this doesn't make the question seem disingenuous, but I note quite a few people have favorited my question already, and since I know how hard it is to actually find a wide variety of options covering single/childfree viewpoints, I shall offer what I have found here.

Bratfree Board
I do warn that quite a few responses on here sound extremely angry, even violent. I prefer to skim over the negative ones for the sometimes rather hilarious contributions.

Childfreedom
Definitely a more "live and let live" approach of both the author(s?) and the contributing comments.

Childfree or Die Hard
Was laughing out loud at these comebacks to the dumb questions people can ask sometimes. Also, Persephone Magazine itself has an overall pro-feminist outlook, even if it doesn't always support a childfree stance.

Childless Couples Eat Healthier
Sorta added this to my "one more reason not to" list.

The BritGirl
Another "live and let live" type site, though I'm definitely reading the site owner use some bite when a passive-aggressive mother makes an inappropriate comment.

Caffeinated Childfree
Definitely angrier than I'm used to, but I still feel like it's worth reading.

Why I don't want children
There's also a follow-up article called "It takes guts to say you don't want children" since so many people apparently responded berating her for the original article.

Unfortunately, since the idea of being childfree is more controversial (and therefore easier to find), and because I'd also have to wade through a bunch of pity-party stuff on being single, all of the links I have are covering childfree positions only so far.

Also, along with the books that people have recommended here,
I have a Single / Childfree Amazon book list which I'm hoping people can find useful.
There are a -few- more books than what I have on the list, but not much. Also on my list are a couple books on knowing how to take care of your finances as a single woman, and how to handle odd jobs around the house without needing a "handyman." Heh, also, I can't promise all those books are -good-.


I hope my links n' things are useful to those interested, and again, thanks for the recommendations!! If you have any other contributions, please feel free to message me.

23 and planning to be childfree,
DisreputableDog
posted by DisreputableDog at 12:17 PM on September 3, 2011 [2 favorites]