I may be a dream-killer, even if it's better for our family
August 24, 2011 11:45 AM Subscribe
My husband is about to get offered his dream job, close to his family. I don't want him to take it.
posted by anonymous to human relations (42 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
I lived in my husband's home state from 1993-2007. Ten of those years we lived very close to my in-laws. After we had our first child and it became clear that my in-laws had little interest in developing a relationship with that child, we moved to my hometown. We had another child after moving and my parents have been wonderful grandparents and they are very close to our kids. The kids spend several hours a week with them.
Now here's the sad part. My dad has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. Even though he had his prostate removed, it was too late and the cancer had already metastasized. He's gone through radiation and hormone therapy but he hasn't beat it yet. My mom has had a stroke and is blind in one eye. She has glaucoma in her good eye. I have a sister, but she's 33 going on 15. Still depends on my parents to change the oil in her car, for example. She can't be counted on to help my parents at all.
I don't want to leave my hometown and my ill parents to move back near my indifferent Tea Party in-laws. Although the in-laws have a better relationship with our kids now, they still don't make a whole lot of effort. They forget the kids' birthdays -- stuff like that. My parents are doing okay now, but I can see them needing more and more help in the coming years.
My hometown is in a very economically stable part of the U.S. The unemployment rate here is below 5% and we have 5 or 6 Fortune 500 companies. We've only been here four years. I run a successful freelance business but my income is very small compared to what my husband makes. I take care of our toddler and elementary-school aged child, though -- they have never been in daycare. I would be willing to go back to work full-time, however, if we could stay here. My husband has a good job here, but the potential upside for the new job is greater. The cost of living in his hometown is higher, though, and the schools are much worse. It's a trade-off.
What should I do? Everytime I hear my husband talk excitedly about this opportunity I just want to cry. He is so excited and I feel like it will be the end of my kids' close relationship with their grandparents. I feel like need to be here for my parents. I like where we live now better and I feel it's a better fit for our family.
I'm interested in hearing your thoughts and feedback.