EmigrationFilter: How do we deal with our parents who don't/won't want us to go? Bonus if you've a) had your first kid abroad and had to deal with the whole visitation kerfuffle b) have clingy parents c) have emigrated to or live in Sweden.
My husband and I are seriously considering emigrating to Sweden in four or five years' time. We have a pretty good idea of what it all entails, so I'm not asking for emigration advice in itself, just advice on how to deal with our parents.
The major stumbling block in the plan is my mother-in-law. Backstory: She's very attached to my husband (her youngest) and desperate for us to give her more grandkids (not on the agenda at the moment), and we're both really worried that us moving far away would really badly affect her, especially if we do spawn.
We currently live about 15 mins away from his parents and about 5 hours away from mine. I see my parents about 4 times a year. We've previously lived 5 hours away from his parents, and his mother was on the phone 4-5 times a day and visiting every weekend. Obviously she couldn't visit so often if we were in Sweden (and I would be driven mental if she did), she won't fly so any trips would be by boat/train, and if we ended up having a kid and she couldn't be there to fuss over it daily at a moment's notice it'd kill her. (To be brutally honest, this kind of distance would suit me perfectly when raising a child) We haven't broached the subject of moving with her yet and I daren't until plans are more concrete. I have no idea how to handle this. Is there anyone out there who's had to deal with anything like this? How do we break it to her? When should we? I have absolutely no idea how my father-in-law would react.
As far as my parents are concerned, they know that the idea is being floated. My mum seemed disappointed as I've previously said I'd like to move closer to them, but she understands I'm an adult and I'll do what I like and she will support me, unless (her words) we move somewhere low-lying that will be flooded when the sea levels rise dramatically and the world almost ends in 2012, (crackpot theory? I don't know) and then she'd be very upset. I suspect Stockholm is too low-level for her, but she'd probably be fine if we moved to the mountains. I have no idea what kind of advice I need here. My mother does nothing without consulting her horoscopes, so if I can spin mine into something indicating that emigrating would be a good idea she'd be absolutely fine with it. My dad is a lot more sensible and I expect will support me, but I haven't spoken to him directly about it.
Further notes that may be relevant: I'm an only child, my husband has a sister who lives about 45 mins away from their parents. We're in our 20s, have no kids and I don't think it's likely we will if we stay in the UK. I have a great relationship with the in-laws but would sometimes like a little more space.
Bonus question for Swedish mefites or those living in Sweden: Where in the country would you recommend? We love Stockholm but are open to just about anywhere - my only criteria is good snowboarding/skiing nearby and decent transport links back to the UK for emergencies. My husband would prefer a largish city. We plan to spend our holidays over the next few years touring around and getting an overall feel for the country. We're going to learn Swedish, naturally. Thanks, and sorry for the essay!
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I live in an expat community and the women who have become pregnant here often go home to have their babies. This gives grandmas the satisfaction of being there when the baby is born, and is less stressful on the mother, I think, to have care in her home country.
One thing is missing from this question — how does your husband feel about the situation with his parents? If there will be tension I think it's his responsibility to tell them/deal with it.
posted by Brittanie at 3:21 AM on February 24, 2007