Advice on adult autism, mediation and housemates
August 14, 2011 1:02 PM Subscribe
A question about adult autism anger management issues in a housemate context.
posted by lover to Human Relations (30 answers total)
I have four friends who live in a house (with an absentee landlord). One of them was diagnosed with autism as a child. He does not believe that he has autism or that it's a made-up thing or not useful... something like that. I'm not sure the other housemates all know this know about his autism (there was an autism thread on the blue a while back that I really related to with respect to him). We'll call him Ernie.
Ernie is the member who has been living in the house the longest. He has put a lot of love into the house itself - fixing it up, working on the yard, and so forth.
I moved out because I couldn't live with him any more. We're still friends, but his expectations for me as a housemate were unreasonable and manifested in disdain and sometimes anger. Nobody wanted me to go, but I couldn't stay.
I did suggest therapy when I moved out - he is definitely still very depressed, probably in large part about his first girlfriend in a decade breaking up with him - but I strongly doubt that he went.
The person who has replaced me in that household, I've met her, hung out a bit, she's nice, I like her. We can call her Sara. They're all great folks. But I just got a text from one of the other housemates (who we'll call Nicole) saying that they all want to "vote Ernie out of the house." They don't know how to approach him about this.
Ernie doesn't like Sara (I don't know why). Nicole says he "told her she cowers in fear around him and he's sick of it." And so forth. It's a clear case (to me, based on what I know of him from my own experience and what I'm hearing) of an abusive situation.
I'm still his friend (we volunteer together). I don't live there. I have some chance of being able to have a conversation with Ernie before they do. It sounds like this has gotten to the point where something really needs to change. I suspect it will end with Ernie moving out, but I would really like to help make it a more positive and understanding experience for everyone involved.
I'm not able to define my question well. I have been invited to help mediate (probably with the end goal of Ernie leaving), and would like to be able to come at this from a more informed perspective.
My Google Fu is failing me. What online resources can you point me to that will address adult autism, anger management, and roommate situations? Do you have any experiences that you can relay to help me and my friends relate to this situation?