Tell me what it was like when you first met your spouse.
August 10, 2011 9:49 AM Subscribe
Help me calm the crazy. Tell me about that initial connection when you first met your spouse.
I feel like I'm going crazy. I met a guy through online dating and we met up for drinks. Conversation seemed to flow well and we decided to get together again. Three days later we spent the afternoon together doing an outdoor sports activity and getting fresh air. Amazing day, lots of laughs and chatter and he kissed me when we parted ways.
Here's the part where I go crazy.
That was four days ago. For the past 4 days we have talked on the phone for hours every night, exchanged about 8 million text messages and about 12 billion emails throughout the day. While normally this would seem waaaaay too excessive to me and smothering, it's strangely ok. Through our umpteen hours of conversations on the phone we've pretty much covered most topics and I feel this ridiculously strong connection and he echoed the same. It's actually quite intense.
We're getting together tonight for I guess what is officially our third date, but it feels like we've known each other for years and there just seems to be this crazy chemistry connection-thing. More than that - while normally I would be wigging out about scaring him off or not knowing if he feels the same way, I'm not, which is strange to me. I feel like through all of our exchanges I know that he's on the same page. Because we've had so much back and forth communication in between the times we've seen each other so far, it feels like we haven't really been apart.
I feel like I'm a crazy person currently because I can't get it out of my head!! I feel like a crazy person because I just met this person yet I feel like I've known him for years!! I feel like a bag of nerves about seeing him again!! I feel like a crazy person!!
Ok, there, Hive Mind. Tell me about what it was like when you first met your spouse, because I think I just might have? Or maybe not? Who knows? How did you know? What was it like? How did you feel? What were your next steps and what advice can you offer me besides the obvious (don't lose my identity, take a breath, keep exercising and focusing on work, etc. even though it's REALLY hard)? (FWIW, I'm 31, he's 33 and we're both in healthy emotional spaces currently).
I feel like I'm going crazy. I met a guy through online dating and we met up for drinks. Conversation seemed to flow well and we decided to get together again. Three days later we spent the afternoon together doing an outdoor sports activity and getting fresh air. Amazing day, lots of laughs and chatter and he kissed me when we parted ways.
Here's the part where I go crazy.
That was four days ago. For the past 4 days we have talked on the phone for hours every night, exchanged about 8 million text messages and about 12 billion emails throughout the day. While normally this would seem waaaaay too excessive to me and smothering, it's strangely ok. Through our umpteen hours of conversations on the phone we've pretty much covered most topics and I feel this ridiculously strong connection and he echoed the same. It's actually quite intense.
We're getting together tonight for I guess what is officially our third date, but it feels like we've known each other for years and there just seems to be this crazy chemistry connection-thing. More than that - while normally I would be wigging out about scaring him off or not knowing if he feels the same way, I'm not, which is strange to me. I feel like through all of our exchanges I know that he's on the same page. Because we've had so much back and forth communication in between the times we've seen each other so far, it feels like we haven't really been apart.
I feel like I'm a crazy person currently because I can't get it out of my head!! I feel like a crazy person because I just met this person yet I feel like I've known him for years!! I feel like a bag of nerves about seeing him again!! I feel like a crazy person!!
Ok, there, Hive Mind. Tell me about what it was like when you first met your spouse, because I think I just might have? Or maybe not? Who knows? How did you know? What was it like? How did you feel? What were your next steps and what advice can you offer me besides the obvious (don't lose my identity, take a breath, keep exercising and focusing on work, etc. even though it's REALLY hard)? (FWIW, I'm 31, he's 33 and we're both in healthy emotional spaces currently).
This is pretty much what it's supposed to be like. This is what it was like when I met my husband. It was also what it was like when I met the two long-term relationships before that, so while I'd be happy that you've found A Really Good Thing, I wouldn't register for towels just yet.
posted by DarlingBri at 9:56 AM on August 10, 2011 [10 favorites]
posted by DarlingBri at 9:56 AM on August 10, 2011 [10 favorites]
Kinda like that.
We went on a an epic 13 hour first date after exchanging a couple emails on OKC. Fell in love within a couple weeks. He moved in six months later. Proposed three months ago. We're getting married next June.
I mean, I thought I was crazy too. I thought we were both crazy. Hilariously enough, we started our first date with him making fun of his best friend for falling head over heels in love with a girl he met on Match and for talking marriage after only a couple of months and how insanely crazy that was. The more you know. We're both in their wedding party next month.
If it's a good crazy, roll with it. I did, he did, it was the best thing that's ever happened to me.
posted by lydhre at 9:56 AM on August 10, 2011
We went on a an epic 13 hour first date after exchanging a couple emails on OKC. Fell in love within a couple weeks. He moved in six months later. Proposed three months ago. We're getting married next June.
I mean, I thought I was crazy too. I thought we were both crazy. Hilariously enough, we started our first date with him making fun of his best friend for falling head over heels in love with a girl he met on Match and for talking marriage after only a couple of months and how insanely crazy that was. The more you know. We're both in their wedding party next month.
If it's a good crazy, roll with it. I did, he did, it was the best thing that's ever happened to me.
posted by lydhre at 9:56 AM on August 10, 2011
Actually, let me clarify my answer a bit.
You've probably made a connection. But it is far, far, far too soon to know what kind of connetion it is.
I got pretty swept off my feet by a guy that soon once, and knew down to my socks that this was a long-term connection. However, within only a few months it became kind of apparent that romantically it wasn't a good idea. But -- I still felt just as convinced that this was a long-term connection.
So I ended up joining his theater company, and we became business partners instead -- and after about 3 years of that, I had a moment when I realized, "ohhh, now I get it, this is what we were supposed to do." (He had a similar moment at about the same time.) Now it's 10 years later and we are much more like siblings, to the point that remembering that we did date at one time actually feels vaguely creepy.
It's very possible that you've made a strong connection, yes. But there are a lot of types of connections, and only time would tell you what the best one would be. I would treat that instant click like finding a geode -- you know you're on to something, but it will take a long time to figure out what that something is.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:01 AM on August 10, 2011 [14 favorites]
You've probably made a connection. But it is far, far, far too soon to know what kind of connetion it is.
I got pretty swept off my feet by a guy that soon once, and knew down to my socks that this was a long-term connection. However, within only a few months it became kind of apparent that romantically it wasn't a good idea. But -- I still felt just as convinced that this was a long-term connection.
So I ended up joining his theater company, and we became business partners instead -- and after about 3 years of that, I had a moment when I realized, "ohhh, now I get it, this is what we were supposed to do." (He had a similar moment at about the same time.) Now it's 10 years later and we are much more like siblings, to the point that remembering that we did date at one time actually feels vaguely creepy.
It's very possible that you've made a strong connection, yes. But there are a lot of types of connections, and only time would tell you what the best one would be. I would treat that instant click like finding a geode -- you know you're on to something, but it will take a long time to figure out what that something is.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:01 AM on August 10, 2011 [14 favorites]
OK, first my caveat: When I met my husband, I was twenty. So you have to read all this through the lens of, well, being twenty.
We had our first date on November 24th. We exchanged email or phone calls every single day since then; we saw each other nearly every day. When Christmas came and we went to go do Christmas with our respective families, we were apart for three days, and when we managed to finally get back together again, we hugged like we were BFFs who had been apart for a month. (You should have seen my roommate roll her eyes.) We weren't separated for more than 24 hours until the next March, when he went to Mexico with his family, and he made an international phone call every day to talk to me. After that, we weren't apart for more than two or three days until I went to a week-long conference twelve years later.
Reading your question felt very familiar to me. That is how I felt when I met my husband, to be honest. This November, it will be sixteen years for us. If I could tell you one thing, it's that you're not in love yet, you're laying the groundwork for what will BE love, and to try to remember that while you like him tremendously, the intimacy that is implied by honest-to-goodness love takes time and energy to build. But with that said. . . yeah, this sounds real familiar. Three months into my relationship, I told my guy "I've been in love before, but I haven't been in this." It was different, and it was different immediately.
posted by KathrynT at 10:02 AM on August 10, 2011 [2 favorites]
We had our first date on November 24th. We exchanged email or phone calls every single day since then; we saw each other nearly every day. When Christmas came and we went to go do Christmas with our respective families, we were apart for three days, and when we managed to finally get back together again, we hugged like we were BFFs who had been apart for a month. (You should have seen my roommate roll her eyes.) We weren't separated for more than 24 hours until the next March, when he went to Mexico with his family, and he made an international phone call every day to talk to me. After that, we weren't apart for more than two or three days until I went to a week-long conference twelve years later.
Reading your question felt very familiar to me. That is how I felt when I met my husband, to be honest. This November, it will be sixteen years for us. If I could tell you one thing, it's that you're not in love yet, you're laying the groundwork for what will BE love, and to try to remember that while you like him tremendously, the intimacy that is implied by honest-to-goodness love takes time and energy to build. But with that said. . . yeah, this sounds real familiar. Three months into my relationship, I told my guy "I've been in love before, but I haven't been in this." It was different, and it was different immediately.
posted by KathrynT at 10:02 AM on August 10, 2011 [2 favorites]
We talked on the phone every night and saw each other every weekend. The conversation was never boring. I would guess it wasn't boring because we spent most of our time making out (we are high school sweethearts). When I would get off the phone with him, or leave him for the day I was never worried he would turn around and find someone else. Unlike other past boyfriends. There was a strong sense of trust....That trust has continued through our marriage of 9 years.
You are still in the honeymoon phase. You are out of the honeymoon phase when your flaws and his flaws start to come out, but you don't mind. You don't mind because what you bring to the relationship and what he brings complements your flaws.
posted by BuffaloChickenWing at 10:04 AM on August 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
You are still in the honeymoon phase. You are out of the honeymoon phase when your flaws and his flaws start to come out, but you don't mind. You don't mind because what you bring to the relationship and what he brings complements your flaws.
posted by BuffaloChickenWing at 10:04 AM on August 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
I've felt this way about real losers, and I've also felt this way about my husband. It's good - it's great, don't skip it by overthinking it - and you should enjoy it, but it doesn't meeeeeean anything. Later, in context, it might.
I know it seems kind of unfair, but them's the shakes. Just because your nervous system lit up doesn't mean you should stay with the guy if, in a couple of months, he's not so good to you (or you're not so good to him). But if this turns out to be a long-haul thing, don't forget how this feels right now.
posted by Lyn Never at 10:06 AM on August 10, 2011 [15 favorites]
I know it seems kind of unfair, but them's the shakes. Just because your nervous system lit up doesn't mean you should stay with the guy if, in a couple of months, he's not so good to you (or you're not so good to him). But if this turns out to be a long-haul thing, don't forget how this feels right now.
posted by Lyn Never at 10:06 AM on August 10, 2011 [15 favorites]
I knew when I shook her hand. Within a week we'd gone on a date and hung out and...stuff. And then I went back home, across the country. And then we spent a ridiculous amount of time and money on the phone. A zillion emails. Visits. She sent me flowers every week. Called me from Italy when she was on vacation. I drove my friends insane because I couldn't shut up about her. I moved to her city six months later. We've been together 11 years, and I have never had one second of doubt.
The crazy does not mean your are Meant to Be!!11!!! It also doesn't mean you're not. Enjoy!
posted by rtha at 10:07 AM on August 10, 2011 [3 favorites]
The crazy does not mean your are Meant to Be!!11!!! It also doesn't mean you're not. Enjoy!
posted by rtha at 10:07 AM on August 10, 2011 [3 favorites]
i met my husband 10 years before we started dating. we were slow friends, then close friends, then the best of friends, then together.
for everyone i had the feelings you describe - they all faded. not saying they have to or that those feelings don't turn into something deeper - just that they aren't really an indicator of much besides initial attraction.
i would say the knowing is a slow process - learning that when you fall,t hey are there and then when they fall they look for you - going through stressful situations and still wanting to be together - having big arguments that resolve in more communication and a better foundation. it's not that he fills me with joy during the good times, that's easy - it's the other times where we prove our love.
posted by nadawi at 10:08 AM on August 10, 2011 [7 favorites]
for everyone i had the feelings you describe - they all faded. not saying they have to or that those feelings don't turn into something deeper - just that they aren't really an indicator of much besides initial attraction.
i would say the knowing is a slow process - learning that when you fall,t hey are there and then when they fall they look for you - going through stressful situations and still wanting to be together - having big arguments that resolve in more communication and a better foundation. it's not that he fills me with joy during the good times, that's easy - it's the other times where we prove our love.
posted by nadawi at 10:08 AM on August 10, 2011 [7 favorites]
This is pretty much the beginning of every relationship i've ever had.
However. You don't know this guy that well, and are probably projecting a lot. At some point, who he really is is going to clash with your image of him. You're setting yourself up for a big emotional crash when that happens if you get too far ahead of yourself here.
Enjoy it while it lasts, because it usually doesn't last long.
Not saying this guy isn't The One -- maybe he is! But don't build up unrealistic expectations in your head that he can't possibly live up to.
posted by empath at 10:11 AM on August 10, 2011 [8 favorites]
However. You don't know this guy that well, and are probably projecting a lot. At some point, who he really is is going to clash with your image of him. You're setting yourself up for a big emotional crash when that happens if you get too far ahead of yourself here.
Enjoy it while it lasts, because it usually doesn't last long.
Not saying this guy isn't The One -- maybe he is! But don't build up unrealistic expectations in your head that he can't possibly live up to.
posted by empath at 10:11 AM on August 10, 2011 [8 favorites]
Slow down. Deep breaths. Marriage is not a dreamy endless date with your soul mate. There is so very much that you don't know about this person. I don't say this at all as a warning that he might be a bad dude; rather, it's that when you are considering marrying someone, you need to know about things like: How does he handle his anger? How are his relationships with his family members, with ex-girlfriends? What is his financial situation - not in a gold-digger type way but how does he handle his money? Is he stingy, overly generous, in debt over his head? There are many more things like this but you get the idea. Right now you only know the very best of what he's presenting about himself.
These are things that take time to find out. Don't ask him about this stuff on your third date! Just have fun. You are getting ahead of yourself. Don't start thinking "spouse". Just enjoy the ride and see where this goes. You don't have to decide right away if he's "The One". There is no "One". The best marriages are built on a foundation of trust, respect, communication, and a real understanding and acceptance of each one's strengths, weaknesses, goals, and dreams. You probably think you know this about him already after your epic long discussions, and maybe you do, but keep in mind something that I think Chris Rock said about dating - something to the effect that you're not actually dating HIM, you're dating his representative.
And to answer your question: I didn't feel at all this way about my husband when we first met. We were co-workers, then friends, and then I started developing feelings for him. Because by then I knew him pretty well and knew what he was about, what he was made of and how he handled things good and bad. That's when I fell hard for him. Before that, I just thought he was kinda cute.
Seriously. What's the rush? You sound so happy and I'm happy for you. Just be in the moment for now.
posted by Kangaroo at 10:11 AM on August 10, 2011 [13 favorites]
These are things that take time to find out. Don't ask him about this stuff on your third date! Just have fun. You are getting ahead of yourself. Don't start thinking "spouse". Just enjoy the ride and see where this goes. You don't have to decide right away if he's "The One". There is no "One". The best marriages are built on a foundation of trust, respect, communication, and a real understanding and acceptance of each one's strengths, weaknesses, goals, and dreams. You probably think you know this about him already after your epic long discussions, and maybe you do, but keep in mind something that I think Chris Rock said about dating - something to the effect that you're not actually dating HIM, you're dating his representative.
And to answer your question: I didn't feel at all this way about my husband when we first met. We were co-workers, then friends, and then I started developing feelings for him. Because by then I knew him pretty well and knew what he was about, what he was made of and how he handled things good and bad. That's when I fell hard for him. Before that, I just thought he was kinda cute.
Seriously. What's the rush? You sound so happy and I'm happy for you. Just be in the moment for now.
posted by Kangaroo at 10:11 AM on August 10, 2011 [13 favorites]
I made that kind of connection with a guy who ended up cheating on me with my roommate and then ended up dumping her on the day of her grandmother's funeral. When I met my husband I thought he was cute and might be great to have fun with for a little while. (Then he grew on me slowly until I could no longer resist his many and very considerable charms.)
My point is not that this guy you've met isn't the one, my point is you don't know until you've got some time in with this person. Relationships and chemistry are weird.
posted by Kimberly at 10:12 AM on August 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
My point is not that this guy you've met isn't the one, my point is you don't know until you've got some time in with this person. Relationships and chemistry are weird.
posted by Kimberly at 10:12 AM on August 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Thanks everyone so far. The weird part is that during those first two dates, I felt "normal" and then WHAMMO - crazy. Haha. But it's also a controlled crazy? It's definitely not love yet, but something else and in no way am I ready for the whole "girlfriend" label, because I just met this person. However, it does feel really different. Not sure if that helps clarify a little. I know that love is a slow process, but this just feels different which has me curious.
posted by floweredfish at 10:15 AM on August 10, 2011
posted by floweredfish at 10:15 AM on August 10, 2011
this might be off base, and i know a lot of women aren't like this, but i have very external evidences of my cycle and deeper love feelings is something that happens to me during ovulation. maybe that's what changed between your second and third date?
posted by nadawi at 10:19 AM on August 10, 2011
posted by nadawi at 10:19 AM on August 10, 2011
Best answer: There's a word for this, btw:
Limerence.
posted by empath at 10:23 AM on August 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
Limerence.
posted by empath at 10:23 AM on August 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
Well, the 'strangely ok' thing together with the fact that you have actually exchanged more info in a few days than many people exchange in months, I guess, just let it float. I mean, keep asking him about stories and tell your own stories and stuff, and don't rush things, but, yeah, that's pretty much how it went with my gf eight years ago. No hesitation - but no stress either, so try keep it that way.
posted by Namlit at 10:37 AM on August 10, 2011
posted by Namlit at 10:37 AM on August 10, 2011
This was totally me and my husband. We just had our 16th anniversary. And yes I knew after about a month. But -- and it's a big caveat -- what you're feeling now is a lovely mix of good compatibility, matching styles of thought/humor, and sexual attraction. If you get there, the hard part is still to come. That's where you fall in love, really get to know each other, figure out whether you're still in love, realize that some of the things that added up to that instant attraction were just you and not him, realize that some of those things really were/are him, go through rough times, figure out that you still love what you always loved about him, decide he's the one to stay with even though those heady feelings aren't a constant part of your life anymore, etc. etc. So enjoy the early crazy fun times but take it slow...all the things you are telling yourself about deep breath, etc. are exactly right.
posted by Cocodrillo at 10:42 AM on August 10, 2011 [6 favorites]
posted by Cocodrillo at 10:42 AM on August 10, 2011 [6 favorites]
We talked and hours would disappear. Still happens.
posted by bonehead at 10:43 AM on August 10, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by bonehead at 10:43 AM on August 10, 2011 [2 favorites]
and started combing each other's hair with forks at a nice restaurant
More details emerged as to the strangeness that is hal_c_on
I had a super ridiculous initial connection with a guy or two. One I met at a coffee shop where we stayed until close then talked in the backseat of his car for about seven hours, in the same parking lot. Then talking multiple times per day yadda yadda. It lasted about two years. It was just like, a different way of starting a relationship that then had all its same relationship issues.
Nthing the caution to take things slowly. It sounds super great. It may actually be just as super great as you hope. But do take a deep breath. Take many. And good luck!
posted by Glinn at 10:50 AM on August 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
More details emerged as to the strangeness that is hal_c_on
I had a super ridiculous initial connection with a guy or two. One I met at a coffee shop where we stayed until close then talked in the backseat of his car for about seven hours, in the same parking lot. Then talking multiple times per day yadda yadda. It lasted about two years. It was just like, a different way of starting a relationship that then had all its same relationship issues.
Nthing the caution to take things slowly. It sounds super great. It may actually be just as super great as you hope. But do take a deep breath. Take many. And good luck!
posted by Glinn at 10:50 AM on August 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
This sounds a lot like my honey and me (been together 3 years, living together 2+). We instantly clicked through e-mail, talked until 3:00 a.m. on the phone, then finally met a few days later and wound up spending the whole weekend together. Neither of us had fallen so hard or fast before.
I guess all I can add is that you should re-read Kangaroo's comment. Enjoy the heady rush you're feeling, but also learn more about him before you jump in with both feet. And, most important, don't let the limerance blind you to his faults because limerance doesn't last but those faults do. Your feelings will tell you that he is trustworthy, but don't you believe it until he proves it to you. Watch how he treats other people and try to be objective; don't explain away any bad behavior you see. If he treats other people like servants and you like a queen, you know how he's going to eventually treat you. If he's a yeller, it's not because he's "stressed at work," it's probably because he's a yeller.
posted by WorkingMyWayHome at 11:13 AM on August 10, 2011
I guess all I can add is that you should re-read Kangaroo's comment. Enjoy the heady rush you're feeling, but also learn more about him before you jump in with both feet. And, most important, don't let the limerance blind you to his faults because limerance doesn't last but those faults do. Your feelings will tell you that he is trustworthy, but don't you believe it until he proves it to you. Watch how he treats other people and try to be objective; don't explain away any bad behavior you see. If he treats other people like servants and you like a queen, you know how he's going to eventually treat you. If he's a yeller, it's not because he's "stressed at work," it's probably because he's a yeller.
posted by WorkingMyWayHome at 11:13 AM on August 10, 2011
Right. As everyone else says, enjoy it but go slow.
By "go slow,"FWIW, I mean pretty much "Don't push the relationship to turn into something it's not." If it's a square peg, don't try to force it into a round hole. Hell, don't force it anywhere, whatever shape it is. Just see what works.
You know you've met someone special. Don't try to figure out ahead of time what sort of special it's "supposed" to be. Just wait and see.
(Others have made basically this same point too, but to add to the anecdata: meeting my current fiancé felt pretty much like meeting my now-ex wife who I barely speak to these days, which felt pretty much like meeting the ex-boyfriend who's now my best platonic friend, which felt pretty much like meeting some of my other close friends who I'd never dream of sleeping with. I mean, okay, in some of those situations there was more nudity than others. But the real excitement was more like "Oh. You! You're important!" In each case I was right, but I had no real ability to predict what sort of importance they were going to have for me. I just knew I had to get to know them better.)
posted by nebulawindphone at 11:16 AM on August 10, 2011 [5 favorites]
By "go slow,"FWIW, I mean pretty much "Don't push the relationship to turn into something it's not." If it's a square peg, don't try to force it into a round hole. Hell, don't force it anywhere, whatever shape it is. Just see what works.
You know you've met someone special. Don't try to figure out ahead of time what sort of special it's "supposed" to be. Just wait and see.
(Others have made basically this same point too, but to add to the anecdata: meeting my current fiancé felt pretty much like meeting my now-ex wife who I barely speak to these days, which felt pretty much like meeting the ex-boyfriend who's now my best platonic friend, which felt pretty much like meeting some of my other close friends who I'd never dream of sleeping with. I mean, okay, in some of those situations there was more nudity than others. But the real excitement was more like "Oh. You! You're important!" In each case I was right, but I had no real ability to predict what sort of importance they were going to have for me. I just knew I had to get to know them better.)
posted by nebulawindphone at 11:16 AM on August 10, 2011 [5 favorites]
Best answer: This is pretty much exactly what it was like for me and mr. desjardins. We were close to your ages, too. I was 29, he was 33. Within a couple months, we had said our I love yous and were in a committed relationship. BUT - we did not move in together for over a year, and we did not get engaged until nearly 3 years after we met. (Got married 1.5 years after that.) So just because you have butterflies doesn't mean you need to start making all kinds of plans.
posted by desjardins at 11:17 AM on August 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by desjardins at 11:17 AM on August 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
because I just met this person
I should add that, although we hadn't met before, really, we did have a context - we had close friends in common, and so at least knew that the other person wasn't a secret axe murderer, or anything more mundane and ordinary but still not-good.
posted by rtha at 11:17 AM on August 10, 2011
I should add that, although we hadn't met before, really, we did have a context - we had close friends in common, and so at least knew that the other person wasn't a secret axe murderer, or anything more mundane and ordinary but still not-good.
posted by rtha at 11:17 AM on August 10, 2011
Oh, and to keep yourself from making rushed decisions due to your infatuation, stay busy with other stuff. Don't neglect the rest of your life, keep doing what you want to do.
posted by desjardins at 11:17 AM on August 10, 2011 [4 favorites]
posted by desjardins at 11:17 AM on August 10, 2011 [4 favorites]
I felt like a crazy-in-love person when I met my ex-husband. I felt much less intense when I met my current husband. FWIW.
posted by drlith at 11:37 AM on August 10, 2011
posted by drlith at 11:37 AM on August 10, 2011
Best answer: Enjoy this. You both seem to be on the same page, which is important and why this isn't crazy-crazy. Sounds like how I met my wife. Date #1 was supposed to be lunch and lasted for three hours. Things kind of went from there. Married 18 months later.
posted by Buffaload at 11:44 AM on August 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Buffaload at 11:44 AM on August 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
My husband and I were pretty much connected at the hip after our first date, and I think we had professed love and started discussing marriage about a week in. Yes, it was a little ridiculous but it felt right and now we've been together nine years (married five). So it can happen that way. Enjoy yourself but also take time to step back, take a breath, and think things over (like you are now!). It may turn out this is the guy you marry and it may not; you won't know until things calm down a bit and you get to know each other better (and get annoyed and have fights and whatnot). But this part is fun!
posted by JenMarie at 11:46 AM on August 10, 2011
posted by JenMarie at 11:46 AM on August 10, 2011
Response by poster: Thanks again everyone.
I'm really trying to keep my head about this, but it's HARD!! He's definitely on the same page though, because he's explicitly told me this.
I did read on here somewhere under some other post that someone recommended making a list of all of the qualities from my past ex-boyfriends that I LIKED and DISLIKED and keep it in mind during this initial stage to keep myself grounded. That, and I'm refusing to label this until he's met my friends and I get their opinions. I still feel like I'm going crazy though. Haha.
posted by floweredfish at 11:50 AM on August 10, 2011
I'm really trying to keep my head about this, but it's HARD!! He's definitely on the same page though, because he's explicitly told me this.
I did read on here somewhere under some other post that someone recommended making a list of all of the qualities from my past ex-boyfriends that I LIKED and DISLIKED and keep it in mind during this initial stage to keep myself grounded. That, and I'm refusing to label this until he's met my friends and I get their opinions. I still feel like I'm going crazy though. Haha.
posted by floweredfish at 11:50 AM on August 10, 2011
This is exactly how I felt about my partner. It's also how I felt about the person who wound up beating me unconscious, and how I felt about the person who started cheating on me the week we got together "exclusively", and how I felt about the person who told me if I didn't let them watch me urinate, it was over.
I guess my point is that these feelings are more a part of a new relationship and less a sign of anything to come. Have a good time and don't worry about it, but don't assume that this means you are soulmates or anything until you get some more time under your belt.
posted by Sternmeyer at 12:04 PM on August 10, 2011 [7 favorites]
I guess my point is that these feelings are more a part of a new relationship and less a sign of anything to come. Have a good time and don't worry about it, but don't assume that this means you are soulmates or anything until you get some more time under your belt.
posted by Sternmeyer at 12:04 PM on August 10, 2011 [7 favorites]
Well, as a person who doesn't make connections that easily, and who gets sick of lots of togetherness with 99% of people, finding my husband somewhat obvious because:
1. We could hang out and talk for a long time and be in each other's space, and I did not get tired of having him around. (Okay, sometimes he talks a lot. But still.)
2. No drama. No worries whether he likes me more or I like him more. No feelings of insecurity.
3. He and I have a shared vision of what we want out of life. This is way important, and is sometimes what people really mean when they say the have the same values, i.e., we both value education over income so we'll never be rich but we'll support each other's desire to get advanced (formal) education.
To each their own, though. Some people make connections easily and would have a different list.
Congratulations!
posted by Knowyournuts at 12:10 PM on August 10, 2011
1. We could hang out and talk for a long time and be in each other's space, and I did not get tired of having him around. (Okay, sometimes he talks a lot. But still.)
2. No drama. No worries whether he likes me more or I like him more. No feelings of insecurity.
3. He and I have a shared vision of what we want out of life. This is way important, and is sometimes what people really mean when they say the have the same values, i.e., we both value education over income so we'll never be rich but we'll support each other's desire to get advanced (formal) education.
To each their own, though. Some people make connections easily and would have a different list.
Congratulations!
posted by Knowyournuts at 12:10 PM on August 10, 2011
I met my fella and went home and emailed my friends to announce that I was going to get married.
This was after knowing him for about 24 hours. They were like... to who? What? (
Sure, I didn't propose for nearly two years. Do be practical! And then we had a long engagement. But yup. I knew.
posted by RJ Reynolds at 12:12 PM on August 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
This was after knowing him for about 24 hours. They were like... to who? What? (
Sure, I didn't propose for nearly two years. Do be practical! And then we had a long engagement. But yup. I knew.
posted by RJ Reynolds at 12:12 PM on August 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
When I first met - not even a 'boyfriend', but sort of a chaste fling in college - we spent the first 2-3 nights we hung out together staying up until dawn just talking. Just TALKING, about anything and everything. I sort of let myself get caught up in the romance of that. He was leaving town, so it only lasted a couple weeks anyway, but we stayed friends. After that, I would talk to him and realize that while we had an uncanny chemistry for just talking in that particular point of our lives, there was no way we were a good or compatible long-term couple.
Sometimes it could mean you've met a forever-soul mate. I prefer to think we often meet people who satisfy something we crave in that moment of our lives. We can meet plenty of those people in a lifetime, but I wouldn't mistake it for someone you can spend a life with. I really think that requires more time.
posted by nakedmolerats at 12:17 PM on August 10, 2011 [2 favorites]
Sometimes it could mean you've met a forever-soul mate. I prefer to think we often meet people who satisfy something we crave in that moment of our lives. We can meet plenty of those people in a lifetime, but I wouldn't mistake it for someone you can spend a life with. I really think that requires more time.
posted by nakedmolerats at 12:17 PM on August 10, 2011 [2 favorites]
It sounds like you guys made an awesome connection, which is great, and it is normal to feel crazy giddy and nervous and giggly and excited.
However, try to stay grounded, because even if both of you felt the connection, in order for him to become your spouse a lot of things have to happen - he needs to *want* to be in a relationship, he needs to *want* to be in a relationship with *you*, and he needs to *keep* wanting to be in a relationship with you for the rest of his life. So while an instant connection is there, give it time to see whether anything will actually come out of this. I hope something does come out of this! But from personal experience, sadly there are too many people who feel a spark but then don't want to actually put in the work that a relationship requires.
posted by never.was.and.never.will.be. at 12:22 PM on August 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
However, try to stay grounded, because even if both of you felt the connection, in order for him to become your spouse a lot of things have to happen - he needs to *want* to be in a relationship, he needs to *want* to be in a relationship with *you*, and he needs to *keep* wanting to be in a relationship with you for the rest of his life. So while an instant connection is there, give it time to see whether anything will actually come out of this. I hope something does come out of this! But from personal experience, sadly there are too many people who feel a spark but then don't want to actually put in the work that a relationship requires.
posted by never.was.and.never.will.be. at 12:22 PM on August 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
Not my spouse (probably eventually), but my girlfriend of a little over a year. We met via OKCupid. We ended up sleeping together the day we met. After a life of second-guessing and overanalyzing everything, I just knew I was in love and we both said it to each other after about 3 days. And yes, it felt both crazy and totally-not-crazy at the same time.
It's a wonderful thing. Enjoy it while it lasts.
posted by O9scar at 12:22 PM on August 10, 2011
It's a wonderful thing. Enjoy it while it lasts.
posted by O9scar at 12:22 PM on August 10, 2011
Just make sure you don't hop into a quickie engagement right away or within the next few months. Wait until you've known each other a year, okay?
Other than that, have fun, sounds like it's really working for you so far :)
posted by jenfullmoon at 1:13 PM on August 10, 2011
Other than that, have fun, sounds like it's really working for you so far :)
posted by jenfullmoon at 1:13 PM on August 10, 2011
You described my wife and I pretty well.
Met at a small, conservative college where dorms were segregated and curfews were the law (11:00 if I remember correctly). Since we were locked in separate buildings, we spent hours on the phone together and just meshed really well. I was actually sad to hang up the phone most nights.
We got engaged after four months, but set a long engagement (a year and nine months) to make sure we were sure. We've been married 13 years now and are expecting our fifth kid in a couple of months!
And before anyone asks, we're not Catholic or Mormon. :-)
posted by tacodave at 2:14 PM on August 10, 2011
Met at a small, conservative college where dorms were segregated and curfews were the law (11:00 if I remember correctly). Since we were locked in separate buildings, we spent hours on the phone together and just meshed really well. I was actually sad to hang up the phone most nights.
We got engaged after four months, but set a long engagement (a year and nine months) to make sure we were sure. We've been married 13 years now and are expecting our fifth kid in a couple of months!
And before anyone asks, we're not Catholic or Mormon. :-)
posted by tacodave at 2:14 PM on August 10, 2011
There are lots of questions about fundamental compatibility to be asked but now is not the time for you to ask those questions. Run with it. Ride the crazy. It's a rare kind of crazy, not to be squandered. It'll crash sooner or later, and that's OK. What you're experiencing now might be the first strand of a lifelong connection or a zany memory that will make the subsequent trainwreck easier to bear. Either way...
How I connected with my spouse
We'd known each other for years. Then we started spending more time together. A matchmakery friend dropped me a non-subtle hint that my eventual-spouse-to-be was interested in me. For me it was an epiphany, a magic eye moment where the world suddenly resolved into a new shape. I suddenly realized that we were compatible on a deep level, and as I saw her in a romantic light for the first time I realized that I liked what I saw.
I bolted over to her place and all but kicked the door down professing my attraction and interest in her. For her this was one part fantastic, three parts bewildering. Neither of us knew where to go from there. We talked for hours. I wanted to dive in, she wanted to go slow and just be friends/more than friends for a while. Then she wanted to start dating and I wanted to go slow out of fear that I'd been pressuring her. Pause. She drifted off to her room for a while to think. As I waited for her, batting a balloon against the wall to give my hands something to do, I thought to myself that at least I'd tried. Even if we couldn't be together, at least I'd had the courage to ask. I'd been faithful to the craziness of love. She came back. Final conclusion: we'd try a one week trial run (but don't call it dating!).
We both thought the situation was absurd and said so. Why were we doing this? Why this way? Why now? I told her that on the day of our wedding (getting a bit ahead of myself!) on the day of our wedding I would laugh at the absurd contingency of love. What if we'd ended up at different schools, or ran in different circles of friends? We were here together now, infatuated and apparently compatible. That's not something to be questioned.
Late that night I walked home, ecstatic. There was citywide jubilation in celebration of our new found love. Fireworks going off, cars honking their horns, cheering. That actually happened.
(skeptics might point out that it was Canada Day - ignore them)
Here's where the story gets a bit stranger.
My housemates and I had previously planned a bit of a life experiment, following the example of Richard Feynman: a six day week. Six days of 28 hours each that is, sliding slowly out of phase with the sun. Ten hours sleep a night, extra long days for high productivity -- what could go wrong? Well, it turns out that waking up at dusk on day 3 left us all unsettled and semiconscious, cursing the sun or lack thereof. It only got worse from there. Interesting moment in my life to start dating.
My spouse-to-be and I met at bizarre hours, late at night or early in the morning. On the morning of day 5 we were attacked by zombies and had to flee my house. No lie. My roommates had been sleeping in a windowless basement room (quote: "Yellow face! It burns!") and decided to begin their day with Romero style groaning and lurching. Brains...
I've been a gung-ho advocate of riding the crazy, but I should take a step back from that. Extreme enthusiasm can be blinding, and it was for me. One thing I hadn't learned about her yet was how important stability and certainty are to her peace of mind. She'd felt the joy of that first rush, but by the end of the week she was feeling a bit seasick. I should have seen that earlier than I did. Quite apart from the fact that it would have made our subsequent weeks together better, my obliviousness indicated that my infatuation wasn't entirely on target. I really had fallen hard in love with her, but along with that I was infatuated with an idealization of her, and also in love with the idea of being in love. Advice: keep your eyes on the prize. Love him.
At the end of the six day week (day seven by her count) we decided we'd stay on together. No fireworks. It was the start of the slow burn, years of feeling each other out, clashing and reconciling, changing each other, sharing our lives. There's nothing crazy about that, but the memory of that first madness still matters to me. It's a sort of anchor. No matter what else happens we were there and it was real, more real still than any problem we might face now.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 2:29 PM on August 10, 2011 [10 favorites]
How I connected with my spouse
We'd known each other for years. Then we started spending more time together. A matchmakery friend dropped me a non-subtle hint that my eventual-spouse-to-be was interested in me. For me it was an epiphany, a magic eye moment where the world suddenly resolved into a new shape. I suddenly realized that we were compatible on a deep level, and as I saw her in a romantic light for the first time I realized that I liked what I saw.
I bolted over to her place and all but kicked the door down professing my attraction and interest in her. For her this was one part fantastic, three parts bewildering. Neither of us knew where to go from there. We talked for hours. I wanted to dive in, she wanted to go slow and just be friends/more than friends for a while. Then she wanted to start dating and I wanted to go slow out of fear that I'd been pressuring her. Pause. She drifted off to her room for a while to think. As I waited for her, batting a balloon against the wall to give my hands something to do, I thought to myself that at least I'd tried. Even if we couldn't be together, at least I'd had the courage to ask. I'd been faithful to the craziness of love. She came back. Final conclusion: we'd try a one week trial run (but don't call it dating!).
We both thought the situation was absurd and said so. Why were we doing this? Why this way? Why now? I told her that on the day of our wedding (getting a bit ahead of myself!) on the day of our wedding I would laugh at the absurd contingency of love. What if we'd ended up at different schools, or ran in different circles of friends? We were here together now, infatuated and apparently compatible. That's not something to be questioned.
Late that night I walked home, ecstatic. There was citywide jubilation in celebration of our new found love. Fireworks going off, cars honking their horns, cheering. That actually happened.
(skeptics might point out that it was Canada Day - ignore them)
Here's where the story gets a bit stranger.
My housemates and I had previously planned a bit of a life experiment, following the example of Richard Feynman: a six day week. Six days of 28 hours each that is, sliding slowly out of phase with the sun. Ten hours sleep a night, extra long days for high productivity -- what could go wrong? Well, it turns out that waking up at dusk on day 3 left us all unsettled and semiconscious, cursing the sun or lack thereof. It only got worse from there. Interesting moment in my life to start dating.
My spouse-to-be and I met at bizarre hours, late at night or early in the morning. On the morning of day 5 we were attacked by zombies and had to flee my house. No lie. My roommates had been sleeping in a windowless basement room (quote: "Yellow face! It burns!") and decided to begin their day with Romero style groaning and lurching. Brains...
I've been a gung-ho advocate of riding the crazy, but I should take a step back from that. Extreme enthusiasm can be blinding, and it was for me. One thing I hadn't learned about her yet was how important stability and certainty are to her peace of mind. She'd felt the joy of that first rush, but by the end of the week she was feeling a bit seasick. I should have seen that earlier than I did. Quite apart from the fact that it would have made our subsequent weeks together better, my obliviousness indicated that my infatuation wasn't entirely on target. I really had fallen hard in love with her, but along with that I was infatuated with an idealization of her, and also in love with the idea of being in love. Advice: keep your eyes on the prize. Love him.
At the end of the six day week (day seven by her count) we decided we'd stay on together. No fireworks. It was the start of the slow burn, years of feeling each other out, clashing and reconciling, changing each other, sharing our lives. There's nothing crazy about that, but the memory of that first madness still matters to me. It's a sort of anchor. No matter what else happens we were there and it was real, more real still than any problem we might face now.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 2:29 PM on August 10, 2011 [10 favorites]
Thirty-six (36) years and one (1) month ago I met my wife. We've had our ups and downs (and two kids). I had had several intense relationships in my life previously, but nothing that had led me to think of marriage. I had recently been sleeping with someone else, who I really, really liked. Mrs. feelinggood and I were taking a course together. It was the second week of the course. I had had my eye on her for a while. (And likewise, as it turned out.) I asked her out. On our first date we slept together (O.M.G!). I moved into her apartment the next day and the rest is history.
I think you just know.
I realize that this seriously isn't very helpful. But I encourage you to just go with it. Go with your feelings. I was not prepared for a relationship. Theoretically, I wanted one, but wasn't actively, consciously looking for one.
The downside is lack of courtship. This has to be dealt with eventually. He has to court you (or if you're not so traditional, you have to court each other) eventually. The courtly dance. I see that you're already doing this, but it has to be continued for as long as possible.
It's sort of the opposite of "When Harry Met Sally" and so maybe not exactly popular. And, to its disadvantage, it's very like "Romeo and Juliet" (read or watch the first part again if you haven't recently). The French have a word for it: coup de foudre. Wikipedia calls it a "literary trope," but it's far from literary. Its' real.
I know it is totally crazy. It's the kind of thing you would tell your kids never, never to do (or perhaps your parents told you never, never to do). And that's really good advice. Except.
posted by feelinggood at 3:58 PM on August 10, 2011
I think you just know.
I realize that this seriously isn't very helpful. But I encourage you to just go with it. Go with your feelings. I was not prepared for a relationship. Theoretically, I wanted one, but wasn't actively, consciously looking for one.
The downside is lack of courtship. This has to be dealt with eventually. He has to court you (or if you're not so traditional, you have to court each other) eventually. The courtly dance. I see that you're already doing this, but it has to be continued for as long as possible.
It's sort of the opposite of "When Harry Met Sally" and so maybe not exactly popular. And, to its disadvantage, it's very like "Romeo and Juliet" (read or watch the first part again if you haven't recently). The French have a word for it: coup de foudre. Wikipedia calls it a "literary trope," but it's far from literary. Its' real.
I know it is totally crazy. It's the kind of thing you would tell your kids never, never to do (or perhaps your parents told you never, never to do). And that's really good advice. Except.
posted by feelinggood at 3:58 PM on August 10, 2011
He was my teacher for 9 months before we went on a date. Well, actually, he asked me over on a date to his place. I essentially moved into his apartment the next day. We just knew.
We've been together three and a half years, and made it legal last November.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 4:10 PM on August 10, 2011
We've been together three and a half years, and made it legal last November.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 4:10 PM on August 10, 2011
What you're feeling is crazy chemicals. Not love.
Don't get me wrong - there's every chance the crazy chemicals will lead into love, marriage, the whole shebang, but they're not the same thing.
Love is liking someone a whole lot.
Take it easy, enjoy the rush, see where you end up.
Don't buy any large consumer durables.
posted by Sebmojo at 4:29 PM on August 10, 2011
Don't get me wrong - there's every chance the crazy chemicals will lead into love, marriage, the whole shebang, but they're not the same thing.
Love is liking someone a whole lot.
Take it easy, enjoy the rush, see where you end up.
Don't buy any large consumer durables.
posted by Sebmojo at 4:29 PM on August 10, 2011
When I met my husband, it was like meeting any other guy I had felt something for, except that we just had way more in common. We understood each other right away. It felt like it was "us" vs "everyone else" really quickly. The chemistry was great, but no more earth-shattering than it had been before.
Yes, thoughts of "maybe this might be THE ONE" ran through my head, but to be honest, they did that with every new relationship anyway.
I'm going to second the people who are saying you can't tell just yet what is chemicals and what is real. Give it time. Enjoy this bit.
posted by lollusc at 4:54 PM on August 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
Yes, thoughts of "maybe this might be THE ONE" ran through my head, but to be honest, they did that with every new relationship anyway.
I'm going to second the people who are saying you can't tell just yet what is chemicals and what is real. Give it time. Enjoy this bit.
posted by lollusc at 4:54 PM on August 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
I've had this feeling with a few people, and I'm a total mess. None of the relationships lasted more than a month or so. So take a deep breath and slow down.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 5:03 PM on August 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 5:03 PM on August 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
I agree with everyone who is suggesting you should go ahead and enjoy these feelings. It's so exciting and so much fun to be "twitterpated." You feel crazy because your brain is cooking up a wacky soup of neurochemicals, a literal high, designed to increase the likelihood of you procreating with this suitable mate. In fact, studies suggest these chemicals may cause brain activity similar to that found in people with obsessive compulsive disorder. No wonder you can't get him out of your head!
I also agree with everyone who is saying there's no way to know whether or not he is The One based on these feelings. There are a lot of very romantic anecdotes where the person "just knew." There is also a lot to be said for confirmation bias. If you only ever had these feelings for one person and that ends up being the person you spend your life with, then sure it'll seem like you really did know. Then again, there are plenty of folks who have had these feelings for more than one person (like me), and other folks who never have these feelings for anyone (my best friend).
In my case, I "just knew" with my first serious boyfriend. When I met him, it was just like in the movies... spotted him across the room, exchanged shy glances, finally got to talk to him after I had a clumsy accident and he rushed over to help me up, and the rest was history. Staying up all night online messaging or on the phone, being annoyingly cutesy in public, picking out names for our future babies, the whole shebang. We were inseparable for several years. Then I realized he was all sorts of wrong for me, and we broke up. It was then that I began to understand the difference between infatuation and long term compatibility. I haven't seen my supposed future husband in ten years now.
So when I met my actual future husband, I let myself enjoy the ride without reading so much into it. Not that the feelings were any less intense. The first time I laid eyes on him, it felt like my heart stopped beating and the world stopped turning. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't do anything but think of him. When we hooked up soon after, we agreed that this would just be a fun fling since he was an exchange student destined to return to his home country. But we couldn't leave each other alone. We ended up spending every spare second together, whether it was studying at the library or grocery shopping. It wasn't until a few months later that we admitted to ourselves it was probably more than a fling. A few years later, we were married.
In my best friend's case, she was decidedly "meh" about her fiance when she first met him. After he asked her out, our friend had to persuade her to give him a shot. Even after their first date, she took a while to really warm to him. Now they're happy as can be, they've moved to a new city together and are planning their upcoming wedding. I couldn't imagine two people who are more perfect for each other, yet there never was the explosion of chemical attraction on my friend's part.
Bottom line, the goal is to get to know him, not your feelings about him, and have great fun along the way.
posted by keep it under cover at 3:40 AM on August 11, 2011 [2 favorites]
I also agree with everyone who is saying there's no way to know whether or not he is The One based on these feelings. There are a lot of very romantic anecdotes where the person "just knew." There is also a lot to be said for confirmation bias. If you only ever had these feelings for one person and that ends up being the person you spend your life with, then sure it'll seem like you really did know. Then again, there are plenty of folks who have had these feelings for more than one person (like me), and other folks who never have these feelings for anyone (my best friend).
In my case, I "just knew" with my first serious boyfriend. When I met him, it was just like in the movies... spotted him across the room, exchanged shy glances, finally got to talk to him after I had a clumsy accident and he rushed over to help me up, and the rest was history. Staying up all night online messaging or on the phone, being annoyingly cutesy in public, picking out names for our future babies, the whole shebang. We were inseparable for several years. Then I realized he was all sorts of wrong for me, and we broke up. It was then that I began to understand the difference between infatuation and long term compatibility. I haven't seen my supposed future husband in ten years now.
So when I met my actual future husband, I let myself enjoy the ride without reading so much into it. Not that the feelings were any less intense. The first time I laid eyes on him, it felt like my heart stopped beating and the world stopped turning. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't do anything but think of him. When we hooked up soon after, we agreed that this would just be a fun fling since he was an exchange student destined to return to his home country. But we couldn't leave each other alone. We ended up spending every spare second together, whether it was studying at the library or grocery shopping. It wasn't until a few months later that we admitted to ourselves it was probably more than a fling. A few years later, we were married.
In my best friend's case, she was decidedly "meh" about her fiance when she first met him. After he asked her out, our friend had to persuade her to give him a shot. Even after their first date, she took a while to really warm to him. Now they're happy as can be, they've moved to a new city together and are planning their upcoming wedding. I couldn't imagine two people who are more perfect for each other, yet there never was the explosion of chemical attraction on my friend's part.
Bottom line, the goal is to get to know him, not your feelings about him, and have great fun along the way.
posted by keep it under cover at 3:40 AM on August 11, 2011 [2 favorites]
I have not found a human experience more powerful on a personal level than limerence. It's a wilder ride than any drug or thrill sport and lord knows I've made a lot of bad decisions under it's influence. Good luck with it and congrats. It's one of the things that makes being human so much fun in my book.
posted by screamingnotlaughing at 11:27 AM on August 11, 2011
posted by screamingnotlaughing at 11:27 AM on August 11, 2011
This thread is closed to new comments.
As long as you can keep that in mind, along with the other things you're doing, I'd just sit back and enjoy a really strong spell of chemistry.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:52 AM on August 10, 2011 [10 favorites]