Help me talk to my smothering mom.
July 22, 2011 7:57 PM Subscribe
I am trying to individuate myself from both of my parents, who are controlling in completely different ways. My mom is the smothering type. My question is this: Since I am becoming an individual and doing my own thing, how do I interact with her when I talk and see her from now on?
posted by minx to human relations (10 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
I am really enjoying making my own decisions and taking care of and respecting myself. Yes, it was tough for me to even realize that I was being controlled, much less break that cycle and realize that I have my own thoughts and opinions. I'm 42 with a husband and kids. Yes, my parents are really controlling.
So, at this point, I have no idea how to simply talk and be with my mom.
When I speak with her, she panders to everything I say. If I say, "I love red carpet," she'll agree all the time and be all excited about red carpet while she's with me. If I mention that I like something like eggs, she will buy me eggs for the next 5 decades. She devalues me and my opinions and choices because she acts as if everything I do is good or the same or whatever. She never disagrees, so I don't get a realistic sense of anything I believe.
Hm, maybe I'm needing too much approval or reaction from her. I shouldn't look for that from others.
I don't know if I've made myself very clear. I do feel rather murky about my relationship with her. I can tell she cares about me, but I feel so devalued and smothered when I'm around her. What do I do? I want to continue to have a relationship with her, but obviously it must change.