Help me preserve my sanity long enough to escape my parents' household.
August 13, 2012 2:14 PM Subscribe
I'm a recent unemployed graduate who's stuck in an abusive household. Please help me develop a wellness strategy.
posted by Ashen to human relations (67 answers total) 30 users marked this as a favorite
This is a long explanation, and I'm so sorry, but I wanted to clearly map out what I'm dealing with.
I had to move back into my parents' house in the NY metropolitan area after a mandatory expense drained me of all my savings. I didn't think that I would be at home for very long, which is why I tried to focus on small projects and interviews. It's now August and although I am in the final interviewing phase for an ideal employer, there is a very strong chance I won't get the position. I send out about 20+ applications a week, each with a customized cover letter, but I've received almost all rejections. With HUGE bills looming overhead, this has stressed me out and I'm now having trouble sleeping.
I also happen to be in a very troubled household. Like all throughout my childhood, being at home means sublimating all negative emotions (showing anger even on the facial level will leave me with physical marks), being repeatedly gaslit, etc. My personal information, such as my depression and my assault, is frequently used against me and disclosed to other family members. My parents are also abusive towards each other in similar ways.
To give an example of what I'm talking about: yesterday, I was shaken awake and kicked out of the basement at 6 AM. My mother hates using the AC, but I have trouble sleeping in humid air and sought relief downstairs. She freaked out and, after seeing my Zune charging in a nearby outlet, destroyed the thing by slamming it onto the ground. While I've mastered my poker face, I was accused of being disrespectful and faced bodily harm. When I started to cry (I know, childish reaction, but I was frustrated), she shook me again, saying that even my father would not be able to save me if I said anything further.
I am trying as hard as I can to stop myself from feeling small, or reverting back to the childhood version of myself. But my eating disorder, insomnia, and anxiety attacks are back in full swing. My parents think that I'm bullshitting, and so aren't willing to take me to a doctor or therapist. I cannot afford it myself, nor can I drive myself to a clinic because I don't have a car or license (long story).
It's not so bad that I'm unable to leave the house (although I'm not allowed to have a key): my amazing friends frequently help me get out of the house during the day, and sometimes I sleep over if things are particularly bad at home. Nevertheless, it's becoming increasingly difficult to keep myself together. My questions:
1) What are some good ways to keep myself from cracking, even though I have zero access to medical care?
2) Are there any tips and tricks for quickly ending my unemployment? I've graduated from a top-tier university, have solid work references, was extensively involved with student organizations in college, and speak fluent Spanish. None of these things particularly work in my favor, as there are millions of other graduates who have similar if not better resumes. Although I've been aiming for jobs that make use of my most marketable skills, I'm desperate for work. Retail and fast food chains won't touch me, and one restaurant flat-out refused to interview me because "they knew I'd leave." I am not within walking distance of industrial work.
3) Are there any safe work-from-home websites I can use, that don't involve some sort of monetary investment in terms of fees or equipment? If I can get ANY sort of income trickling in, it will hasten my ability to get out.
Thank you so much.